Showing articles written by P.M. Wortham.

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Funny story: Santa's Top 10 Christmas List

Santa's Top 10 Christmas List

Normally too busy to pay attention to himself, what with all the lists to check twice, the elves to watch over, the reindeer to feed and Mrs. Claus to keep happy, nobody ever asks Santa what he wants for Christmas. That was until now. With an appointment on the books scheduled eight months in advance with the fat man himself, our northern hemisphere reporter S. Noble Chanzinell, met with Mr.
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Funny story: World's Least Interesting Man Changes His Own Nickname

World's Least Interesting Man Changes His Own Nickname

Published on both his MySpice page and well as his personal website home page, Dr. Billy Tinkles, adjunct physics processor at Oaklawn Junior College and Pet Cemetery in Des Moines, Iowa, has assigned himself a newer "hipper" nickname. Not that anyone was paying attention to his first nickname selection of "Einstein", but hit rates recently ran through the roof for any video posted by Tinkles o...
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Funny story: The Hockey Mom Christmas Song

The Hockey Mom Christmas Song

Another tribute to hockey moms and dads, ice ponds, flood lights and kids that refuse to come in from the cold until they are forced to. You just have to love this time of year... snow on the pines, crisp air, goofy knitted hats. That, or just move your butt down to Florida and stop complaining. Seriously though... Merry Christmas! Sung to the tune of "The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts r...
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Funny story: Scottish-American Connection Found at Edinburgh Castle

Scottish-American Connection Found at Edinburgh Castle

Starting out as a brief respite from a typical traveling consultant work week, and in an attempt to do something other that stare at the walls of my modest hotel room on the Firth of Fourth, this writer took it upon himself to venture into the city to see what a typical tourist could see. Light rain had begun at the outset, but with bumbershoot in hand and a fistful of Scottish Pounds in my poc...
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Funny story: Top 10 Things a Husband Can Do to Wreck the Mood

Top 10 Things a Husband Can Do to Wreck the Mood

Some women friends who follow an occasional Spoof from yours truly, including one Mrs. PM, suggested that I write a mia-culpa edition of the Top 10 list about things us down-trodden, often misunderstood males do to wreck the mood with our ladies. Consider this a parallel piece to the "Top 10 Things a Wife can do to Wreck a Boner". In short, to all the lady Spoofers out there, My apologies on b...
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Funny story: The Spoof Club; Part Ei8ht

The Spoof Club; Part Ei8ht

The Kidnapping of J-Man's Teddy Bear The news came fast and furious in the form of e-mail and text messages from the American Southwest. Before anyone knew what the real story was, or who might be to blame, e-mail begat e-mail until prompting an information frenzy based loosely and only on theory and conjecture. All that any of us knew for sure, was that the Jalapeno Man's prize teddy bear, t...
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Funny story: Top 10 Things a Wife Can Do to Wreck a Boner

Top 10 Things a Wife Can Do to Wreck a Boner

Inspired by Skoob's recent top 10 list. A tribute to mature males in long standing relationships across the globe. We've all been there. Semper Fi, brothers. Top 10 Things a Wife Can Do to Wreck a Boner 10: Show up naked, but without a cold beer in hand. 9: Start calling my penis any demeaning pet name as a metaphor for size. "My little Minnow", "Purple Smurf", "Mini Me", or "Tin...
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Funny story: Spoof Club Part Se7en

Spoof Club Part Se7en

The Protection of Carina-Eta Eclectic yet somehow pointless, the beer and tequila induced banter between Victor Nicholas and I continued well into the wee hours of the morning. The Skoob & Thistle at the Trocadero Club had started to clear out about midnight, while the bar remained faithfully tended by a witty gentleman who called himself "The San Francisco Onion". Fully engaged in atte...
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Funny story: Spoof Club Part Six

Spoof Club Part Six

The Bondage-A-Go-Go Escaping from Extremist Catholic Mimes can wear on a fella, and both Warren and I were exhausted from the experience. Where hearth and happiness can only be found at or somewhere near home, we both booked returning flights from Milan back to the U.S. The trip from Tremezzo and the Grand Hotel back to Milan was adventurous, trading paint and a couple of "Fungoos!" with teen...
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Funny story: Spoof Club Part Cinque

Spoof Club Part Cinque

Escape from Bellagio - Still prisoners in the cellar of the Parrocchia Basilica S. Giacomo, Redlich and I continued planning our escape from the militant group of parochial Mimes holding us captive. We searched around the cellar shelves and floor only to be disappointed in the lack of anything that could be used as a weapon. Among the assets we could find included a paint brush and white p...
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Funny story: Spoof Club Part Quattro

Spoof Club Part Quattro

The Search for Redlich - Feeling like it might still be the day before tomorrow, I wandered in a pleasant haze through Leidseplein Platz looking for the perfect all-beef Chicago hot dog with spicy brown mustard and freshly cut onions. It took another 2 hours of walking in circles, hard to do in a public square, but completely rational behavior for one still blown away by the quality of the...
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Funny story: Spoof Club Part Drie

Spoof Club Part Drie

The Train to Amsterdam Deep sleep would have been welcome after a long day of story search and a late night of Jalapeno eating and professional bull riding, but I was awakened by my roommates who were shuffling around the floor, packing up their duffels. The youth hostel near the train station in Etterbeek had a curfew, but I managed to see the building manager outside the night before, having...
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Funny story: Spoof Club Part Deux

Spoof Club Part Deux

"The Bitters Bordello" It was 2:00 AM Brussels time when I made my way out of the Skoob & Thistle, still waiting for the burn to stop from the Jalapeno cheese burger I had consumed minutes before. I followed McCarthy's instructions down the alley towards the door with the glow of a red neon light washing over hand hewn cobblestone. McCarthy wasn't kidding. The neon tube had been twiste...
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Funny story: The Spoof Club in Brussels

The Spoof Club in Brussels

Part One It was a private club. The kind you might find down a dark alley in the warehouse district of San Francisco, but not as outwardly flamboyant as the Trocadero might be on a Wednesday night. Members knew it only as the "Skoob and Thistle", slightly reminiscent of a small Scottish pub replete with solid brick exterior walls and a single, windowless, hardwood door stained in walnut brown...
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Funny story: Twas Hockey Night Before Christmas

Twas Hockey Night Before Christmas

Offered as a tribute to our Canadian friends, to anyone from a northern U.S. state, any country closer to the North Pole than the Equator, or anyone who sponsored a kid through years of junior hockey. T'was Hockey Night Before Christmas 'Twas Hockey Night before Christmas, when all through the rink Not a sound could be heard, but there still was that stink. Some skates were hung by t...
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Funny story: Spoof Songwriter Releases Holiday Tune

Spoof Songwriter Releases Holiday Tune

Inspired by the satirical mastery from personal Spoof heroes like Jesus Buddha (Son of Mohammed Shiva), Monkey Woods, QM, J-Man and the ever enticing Madame Bitters, the little known singer/songwriter transplanted from Motown to the Cheese State has released a smash hit just in time for the holiday season. A tribute to the Beatles in song, with updated lyrics to fill the mind's eye and nostrils...
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Funny story: Top Ten Things Not To Do When Drinking

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Drinking

Submitted by an international pool of pub crawlers, the top 10 suggestions for things "Not To Do" when drinking were compiled by the beverage industry's flagship magazine called the "Gig and Vomit". Listed in reverse voting order from tenth place to first are the following suggestions compiled from both men and women. 10: Never wear white pants (or skirt): You may need to crawl across a dirty...
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Funny story: The Curious Case of Pietro Paisan

The Curious Case of Pietro Paisan

Growing up in a small town outside the city center of Florence, Pietro Paisan knew almost from birth, that he was destined for greatness. With a gift for the oratory and sculptured facial features, teenage Pietro found his way on Italian television as a mid-day soap opera star. The career was short lived however, as his playboy character was killed off my an enraged husband carrying a Bocce Ball...
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Funny story: Pat Robertson, Robert Tilton and Don Stewart Squint for God

Pat Robertson, Robert Tilton and Don Stewart Squint for God

It was the sort of lazy Sunday morning in October when most Americans were forced to put on shoes and a jacket to retrieve the morning paper from the frosted front lawn. Following the paces of an average Midwestern blue collar citizen, Hyrum Beebletutz sat in his comfortable recliner, turned on the TV and opened his paper. He flipped the channels a bit, stopping on a replay of a Pat Robertson...
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Showing page 3 (of 3 pages)

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Despite Celebrating Crowds, Mugabe of Zimbabwe Won't Recognize Coup

The 93-year old thinks it's his birthday again and thanks all the demonstrators.
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