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Funny story: What do Germans think about the Euro-bailout?

What do Germans think about the Euro-bailout?

The Eurozone looks to be safe for the next few weeks after the heads of the 17 countries which use the Euro agreed to stuff more money in envelopes and throw them at Greece. But what do ordinary sausage-slapping Germans think of it? Germany has the most to lose from the current bailouts, as it is the richest country in the Eurozone - as well as the most warmongering. We asked several ordinary G...
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Funny story: The Protest Addicts

The Protest Addicts

There was surprise this week when the Winehouse Memorial Rehab Clinic announced that they have begun a new course for treating people for protest addiction. Although most protesters are too poor to afford the £10,000-a-go fees, there are enough wayward celebrity offspring and hippy lottery winners for the course to be turning a small profit. I spoke exclusively to one of the patients, who would...
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Funny story: A Letter From Auntie

A Letter From Auntie

Dear me, I can't remember your name, dear, but never mind. It's me, your Auntie. How are you doing? I'm not too bad. The operation went well but I still can't walk straight. I'll send you some photographs once the swelling has gone down a bit. Last week I had a terrible shock at the bingo, I won £10. I had a slap-up dinner of pork scratchings that night, let me tell you. I've nearly sav...
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Funny story: Cummerbunds and their role throughout history

Cummerbunds and their role throughout history

The humble cummerbund may seem to the unobservant like an unimportant garment, an optional extra on the otherwise complete tuxedo suit. But you would be wrong to think such a thing, for the cummerbund has played an important role throughout the ages. Indeed, it is likely you would not be alive today were it not for the cummerbund - okay, that's maybe an exaggeration, but it is at least theoretical...
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Funny story: The Secrets of German Economic Success

The Secrets of German Economic Success

As the European financial system collapses all around, there is one certainty - that the Germans will be ok. The German economy has stood proud with its moustache bristling for decades now, an economic miracle throughout bad times and good. So how has Germany managed to keep this up? I spoke to three economists to find out. Financier Goldie Goldstein thought the answer was obvious. "It's gold,"...
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Funny story: A Day In The Life Of A Spoof Writer

A Day In The Life Of A Spoof Writer

Call them failed journalists, failed authors or even failed spoof writers - just call them. A spoof writer's life is short but exciting, but these are after all the makers of dreams. That is, if you dream of badly written newspaper articles about things that didn't really happen. A typical spoof writer will begin his or her day at around midday. After a short glass of mother's ruin, he will gat...
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Funny story: The Secret Behind Apple's Success

The Secret Behind Apple's Success

From saucy Biblical tales to companies who name their overpriced tat after them, apples are the world's number one berry. Globally we eat over 60 million tonnes of them every year, making them a much more popular foodstuff than rhubarb or turnips. So why are apples such a well-liked fruit? The secret lies with the Apple Regulation Society of Earth, founded hundreds of years ago as a secret soc...
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Funny story: "I was molested by a robot nun"

"I was molested by a robot nun"

A priest has come forward to talk about his recent sexual abuse at the "inhuman" hands of the Catholic Church. The Church has been trying to modernise itself to get away from its medieval practices and poor reputation. To do this, it recently ordered a million robot nuns to help out at churches throughout the world. The priest agreed to talk to me on the grounds that he remain anonymous. His na...
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Funny story: Problems with menstruation?

Problems with menstruation?

Ladies, do you suffer from painful periods? Is your monthly flow a bit of a handful? Then why not try Scunthorpe Industrial Chemicals' new duck hormone treatment. Simply inject yourself with the duck hormones three times a day and eat nothing but small bread cubes, and you'll see results within months. Soon your reproductive system will regress to a more primitive state, your body will be...
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Funny story: Britain's first communist bar

Britain's first communist bar

In Soho, London, a new bar has opened which is based upon the communist principles laid down by Karl Marx over 100 years ago when he lived in the area. The bar is called 'Working Class Public House' and is a plain unpretentious venue whose most notable feature is its unusual way of getting served. No money is necessary in the bar. In order to be served, all you need to do is work in the bar for...
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Funny story: Behind the Halal Milking Machine

Behind the Halal Milking Machine

Earlier this month, headlines were made around the world when it was revealed that Quincy's Unusual Industrial Machinery (QUIM) have introduced the world's first commercial machine for producing halal milk. Traditionally, halal milk must be prepared according to a special religious ritual. The cow must be blindfolded, the milker must wear silk gloves, and he must call out a prayer word while sq...
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Funny story: Raising A Gender-Neutral Child

Raising A Gender-Neutral Child

Loony liberals, fag hags and Swedes are all followers of a new trend - raising a child to be "gender-neutral". The child is raised to not follow any traditional male and female role models, but to be open to influences from both. The ideas have been around for a while. Hippies in the 1960s began to question society's traditional ways of raising children - blue and Action man dolls for boys and...
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Funny story: Banker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part III

Banker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part III

Read this story from the start. After escaping the Debt Star, the rebels flew to their base on the planet of Yavin, along with Princess Corporate Lawyer who they had also rescued from the Debt Star (I forgot to mention that bit!) There, they concocted a plan to destroy the Debt Star forever. General Assurance stood beside a huge graph and all the rebels sat around listening. "The Debt Sta...
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Funny story: Riots: An Analysis

Riots: An Analysis

Following the recent riots in London and across England, armchair experts have been spouting explanations and theories like flames from a burning building. So here, we gather the opinions of some real analysts to bring some sanity to the debate. Reverend Spongebob McTavish said, "They say everyone has a talent for something, and clearly these lads are great at smashing things up. Maybe someone...
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Funny story: Roman Britain: A Lesson From History

Roman Britain: A Lesson From History

Britannia was known throughout the Roman Empire as being one of the most difficult provinces to govern. It required three entire legions to maintain order, compared with only one for the larger area of Hispania. The problem lay largely with the unruly natives, which the Romans named the Chavium. All we know about these people comes from Roman writers, as the native Britons were completely illit...
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Funny story: Film round-up

Film round-up

This week, three huge blockbuster films are released, to the great excitement of those of you who enjoy sitting in darkened rooms listening to the sound of other people munching popcorn. First up, there's "Captain America", which features the eponymous hero and his sidekick Canada-boy, as they travel the world beating up foreigners. One particular highlight is when the evil Mr Mexico gets eaten...
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Funny story: Banker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part II

Banker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part II

Read this story from the start. Luke, Old Ben and the two droids came to their local spaceport, where they tried to find a pilot who could carry them to Alderaan. In a nearby bar they met Han "Interest rates" So-low and his tall hairy friend Jew-backer. Han and Jewie (as he liked to be called) agreed to transport them, and asked if they would also be interested in investing in their portfol...
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Funny story: The Robot Teamaker

The Robot Teamaker

Professor Robert De Bild likes robots - a lot! So much so that he has twice been arrested for having sex with the robots he creates. But he has managed to control his lust for long enough to build a robot which recently won the International Robotic Tea-making Contest in Tokyo, Japan. He explained, "It is one of the greatest challenges of modern robotics to build a robot which can make a cup of...
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Funny story: 2011's most popular baby names still Adolf and Gertrude

2011's most popular baby names still Adolf and Gertrude

The British Association for the Counting Of Names (BACON) has published its yearly list of the most popular names given to baby boys and girls. Unsurprisingly, Adolf and Gertrude top the list yet again. Genghis is up to second place for boys and also makes the girls' list at number 10. The top 10 names for boys were: 1. Adolf 2. Genghis 3. Santa 4. Oedipus 5. Clarkson 6. Attila 7. M...
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Funny story: Banker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part I

Banker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part I

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... It was a time of economic panic and great market uncertainty. Attacked from all sides by angry mobs, bank traders were scattered throughout the galaxy. Everywhere they went, they had to cope with misguided individuals who blamed them for everything, and the Empire which wrongly sought to punish them for perceived crimes. Meanwhile, Luke Stockhold...
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Funny story: David Cameron's "My Chums At Eton"

David Cameron's "My Chums At Eton"

Here is an extract from David Cameron's book "My Chums At Eton", which describes his time at the famous public school. "What ho! It's me, your chum and Prime Minister. I've removed my top hat, loosened my braces, and asked my butler to leave me in peace for a while so I can get down to writing a spiffing whizz-bang story about all the japes I got up to in my schooldays. I bet you can't wait to...
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Funny story: The Margaret Thatcher fan club

The Margaret Thatcher fan club

Few of us can have missed the tragic tale of Jeremy Chisel, the professional footballer "outed" as a fan of Margaret Thatcher. For weeks before the story became public, his team-mates had teased him with jibes about the poll tax, before he finally gave in to the pressure, quit his job and left his wife. His current whereabouts are unknown. Perhaps one day, the world will be ready to accept a Marga...
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Breaking News...

Alabama's New State Motto

After Tuesday Alabama's state motto, Audemus jura nostra defendere ("We dare defend our rights"), will most likely be changed to Audemus pedophilium nostra defendere ("We dare defend our pedophiles").
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