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Funny story: Ilsa's One Day Back on Earth

Ilsa's One Day Back on Earth

Ilsa stood before St. Peter, wringing her hands nervously. She had been reluctant to make the request, and now that she had, she worried that a denial would also come with a black mark against her name on the roll book. Surely her request would be viewed as something other than selfish. She only wanted to return for a day to bring some joy to her husband, not for anything that would primarily b...
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Funny story: "No, Henry, We Won't Publish Your 'Liberty or Death" Op-Ed"

"No, Henry, We Won't Publish Your 'Liberty or Death" Op-Ed"

SUBJECT: OP-ED SUBMISSION: "LIBERTY OR DEATH" FROM: oped@Richmondgazette.com DATE: March 20, 1775 To: Henry@Burgesses.va.gov ---------------- My Dear Henry: Pardon my informality with regard to your name, but I am a recent hire here at the Richmond Gazette, having just arrived from New York where I was editorial page editor of The Times, [the New Amsterdam Times] and I am unfamiliar with...
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Funny story: Trump Reshapes World

Trump Reshapes World

After arbitrarily deciding to change the location of the U.S. embassy for Israel from Tel Aviv to Israel, Trump announced other changes to be implemented right away. "I will be changing the capital of North Korea from Pongyang to Seoul, where it should have been anyways. I am changing the capital of Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan to Moscow, because...
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Funny story: Ivanka, We Need to Talk

Ivanka, We Need to Talk

Ivanka, it's Jared. We need to talk. It's about your dad and this whole Russia thing. I can't do what you're expecting me to do. Flynn just turned himself in, and you know, I'm the one who told Flynn to cut the deal on the sanctions. Your dad made me. But now your dad says he can't recall that, and he's going to throw me under the bus. He promises a pardon, and says I will never go to j...
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Funny story: Bitcoin Named Hottest 2017 Christmas Present

Bitcoin Named Hottest 2017 Christmas Present

Forget cabbage patch dolls, Barbie, hoverboards and Gameboys. The hottest gift for 2017 is Bitcoin. Whether you buy an entire Bitcoin (USD $10,000 at press time) or the smallest of increments, every kid (and adult) wants this exciting stocking stuffer. Bitcoins are purchased on Coinbase, an exchange for cryptocurrency. You can download Coinbase easily on your iPhone, transfer cash by credit...
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Funny story: Silver Bells and a Derringer

Silver Bells and a Derringer

Silver bells at Christmas no longer have that same old ring to them, at least not for me. Especially a set of bells packed with a Derringer. Yep, that's right - a Derringer! The trouble began a month ago when my wife and I had another argument. Once again, she was complaining that I didn't spend enough time with her, give her enough attention, or consider her feelings - yada, yada, yada. She w...
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Funny story: Why are conservatives so evil?

Why are conservatives so evil?

It is a simple enough question - why are conservatives so callous and indifferent to the suffering of their fellow humans? They always want to cut taxes, which helps their rich friends and punishes the poor and needy? Now finally, a historian may have uncovered the answer. Professor Geoff History of the University of Oxford has revealed that conservatives are actually not human at all. They arr...
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Funny story: Best States in the U.S. to Run For Office in If You Are a Sexual Deviant

Best States in the U.S. to Run For Office in If You Are a Sexual Deviant

A new survey arrived out of Science Town today about the mood of people across the country on the subject of sexual degeneracy. They found that: 1. One of the best states for sexual deviants to run for office in is Alabama, based on the states's acceptance of Roy Moore admitted dalliances with underage females. 2. Another state that is good would be California, where the former governator, A...
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Funny story: A Thanksgiving Editorial: In Praise of the Common Turkey

A Thanksgiving Editorial: In Praise of the Common Turkey

As just about all educated people know, turkeys are among the smartest animals on the planet, perhaps in the galaxy. If they were mammals instead of birds, they would, in fact, be the smartest animals on the planet. (For some reason, known only to theoretical physicists, bird neural DNA seems to suffer from "leakage," also known as accelerated entropic seasoning syndrome. Because this is a hig...
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Funny story: The Never-Performed Eighth Movement of "The Planets"

The Never-Performed Eighth Movement of "The Planets"

There was a time when my classical music station in Los Angeles, KUSC-fm, played Gustave Holst's "The Planets" more frequently than it does now. That was wen moon walks and Mars landings occurred more often than they do today. The Holst opus is one of the great symphonic compositions of the twentieth century, but after 1930 it was very much in need of an eighth movement. Until 2006, that is.
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Funny story: Creation Scientists Teaching Snakes to Talk

Creation Scientists Teaching Snakes to Talk

Having definitively proven the scientific accuracy of the first two chapters of Genesis, researchers Christian Fisch and Ina Diaz of Liberty University are well into a research program designed to validate the accuracy of chapter three. "Even the secular evolutionists know that snakes have vestigial hip bones", declared Dr. Fisch. "This proves that they were capable of walking on two or four l...
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Funny story: Trump Family Ranked by Trump

Trump Family Ranked by Trump

Trump visited Fox & Friends yesterday and was asked about how his family was adapting to Trump being President. Trump replied that some were doing better than others. He said that he liked all his kids equally especially Ivanka, who he equally liked the most. "Ivanka is always there when I need her. I like having her around so I make sure Gerald or Jarrad or whatever his name is, is kept bu...
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Funny story: From Kim Jong-Un's Recipe Book - Stuffed Dotard With Orange Sauce

From Kim Jong-Un's Recipe Book - Stuffed Dotard With Orange Sauce

Here is my recipe for Stuffed Dotard With Orange Sauce: 1 large dotard, about 250 pounds* 1 Twitter account 1-2 quarts orange hair dye Drench the top of the dotard with the orange hair dye. Wait 20 minutes for it to set. Dress the dotard in a conventional suit, or in traditional golf attire, with a cap that says "Make America Great Again." Heat the dotard up with a message on twitter, o...
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Funny story: Melania Pens Trump's Resignation Speech

Melania Pens Trump's Resignation Speech

Donald, see my suggested speech below for when you resign. I saw it somewhere and all I had to do was change a few words around. I think it's sounds good: At a moment when it seems that our democracy is more defined by our discord and our dysfunction than by our own values and principles, let me begin by noting the somewhat obvious point that these offices that we hold are not ours indefinite...
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Funny story: Halloween Tech

Halloween Tech

It's Halloween morning. You're curled up in bed reading a book on your new Kindle. It's light as a feather and holds tons of books. Ah, the new technology. Isn't it wonderful? You get up and head to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. Eek! There is none. Thank goodness you invested in a "smart" refrigerator, programmed to automatically inventory and re-order some basic items. You g...
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Funny story: The CBR

The CBR

Deep in the bowel of the stately building that houses the United States Congress lies the little-known CBR -- the Congressional Ball Repository. (The CBR is, in fact, actually located below the bowel.) The balls of incumbent Senators and Representatives are stored in a small, dusty, and damp concrete chamber where they roll around on rough pine shelves and wither and dry out over time. The long...
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Funny story: The Famous And Now Forgotten Word Warrior- The Paperclip Guy!

The Famous And Now Forgotten Word Warrior- The Paperclip Guy!

Do you remember way back in the foggy mist of Internet time the first and most infamous troll of all, the Paperclip Guy? He would always be lurking around the corner of any Word document you were typing; just waiting for his chance to add his two bits about what you were writing, like a Stasi spy eager for a promotion within the ranks. He considered himself the main protector and overseer of...
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Funny story: Trump Explains Why He is Running the Country Like His Old TV Show

Trump Explains Why He is Running the Country Like His Old TV Show

Donald "President" Trump sat down with Faux & Friends today and talked about and explained his governing style. "I try to be the person the American public wants me to be. I know most people know me from my TV program, the Apprentice, which is only a good show if I'm in it by the way, just look at the ratings when they tried to get AHNOLD to play me." "So, in my program, I always fire pe...
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Funny story: Endangered Engagements

Endangered Engagements

Donald Trump. For legal purposes we have to point out, again, that this man is the current President of the United States. Mr Trump has decreed that 25 of the most endangered species in the world no longer need the USA's conservation efforts. Below we obtained the list and his reasons why. 1. Pacific Walrus: Quite like seals and we have loads of them. No one would wake up one morning and go...
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Funny story: Charter School Conglomerate to run Bankrupt City

Charter School Conglomerate to run Bankrupt City

Reliable but unnamed sources at the California state capital insist that AB 46, Assembly Speaker Anthony Rendon's bill to disincorporate the nearly bankrupt industrial city of Vernon, contains a secret clause. According to a highly placed aide in the Speaker's office, interviewed under an assurance of anonymity, the final version of the bill will turn Vernon over to Green Dot, the charter school o...
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Funny story: Political Twisties

Political Twisties

In the latest twist to what some are calling a political crisis but others recognise as insanity two world leaders have started calling each other names. In the grand scheme of things Trump and UN aren't going to remembered as being the foremost political minds of their generation. To be fair they'll be lucky to be remembered as having minds if they carry on the way they are. Donald Trump has...
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Funny story: Jacob Rees-Mogg's Adventures in the 21st Century

Jacob Rees-Mogg's Adventures in the 21st Century

Salutations from your 18th century toff pal, Jacob Rees-Mogg. I have been living in the 21st Century for fifteen years now. I fell asleep in a glacier over two centuries ago and miraculously re-awoke to a world I barely recognise. I now live with my wife, seven children and a robot butler called Siri, but I still struggle with simple tasks like changing a nappy. This is my story. I wish I co...
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Breaking News...

Alabama's New State Motto

After Tuesday Alabama's state motto, Audemus jura nostra defendere ("We dare defend our rights"), will most likely be changed to Audemus pedophilium nostra defendere ("We dare defend our pedophiles").
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