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Funny story: Terrorism. Who's Next? Ask the Bookies!

Terrorism. Who's Next? Ask the Bookies!

Following the murder of a soldier in Ottawa by a crazed 'Muslim' convert Michael Zehaf-Bibeau, bookies in the UK are offering odds as to what country will be next. The assailant claimed apparently that he had been "chased by the devil" leading to speculation of how he got the idea and where exactly it came from. And did the devil speak with an hypnotic American or British accent? Whether wired to...
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Funny story: Judge! Oh Judge! Why are you persecuting me?

Judge! Oh Judge! Why are you persecuting me?

I keep getting pornographic emails from some unknown source. I open them up, being that I'm an inquisitive sort. Although I know that you're not supposed to open emails from strangers, because they could have a nasty virus attached, I open them anyway. Call me curious, stupid, impulsive...whatever, I don't know.... One was slugged: Red, White & Blue: This Judge Is Here for You!. It included...
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Funny story: History's Misquotes Come to Light

History's Misquotes Come to Light

Washington, DC In a history convention held in the nation's capitol, many facts came to light regarding some of history's most famous quotes. For instance, John Paul Jones did say "Don't Give up the Ship!" but he added the line, "Sell it Instead!" When Patrick Henry said "Give me liberty or give me death," history misplaced the part where he said, "On second thought, just give me liberty."...
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Funny story: Cooking With Skinny

Cooking With Skinny

I sat down with Chef Skinny Bidwell to talk to him about his television show Cooking With Skinny. "Chef," I said, "before talking about your show, I wonder if you would comment about how a critic with the New York Times described you. He called you a feisty little bastard with a decent left hook." "The part about being a feisty little bastard is right on target. However, the part about h...
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Funny story: Free the pedophile but punish the child

Free the pedophile but punish the child

Middle East has always been the land of odd people who have caused millions of deaths, particularly, as of 1978, carried out by Mujahideen, Taliban, al-Qaeda and now ISIS. The history of this dangerous species dates back to 1400 years ago, originating in Arabian Peninsula desert. Ironically, a number of idols of the annihilated pagan Arabs were female, but they believed that Allah, present deit...
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Funny story: Here are 25 things you never want to say on a first date

Here are 25 things you never want to say on a first date

Here's a list of things you shouldn't say on a first date, particularly if you want a second date. To be nonsexist, I've included some things for the ladies, too. Of course, if you're not interested in the person and want nothing to do with them after the first date, this could be a guide to "what to say on a first date": 1) I had venereal disease a few times, but not to worry, my doctor gave m...
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Funny story: Everybody's Nuts!

Everybody's Nuts!

Doctor Paul Adams is a discount psychiatrist who claims he can save people money by proving that they are nuts in half the time it takes most psychiatrists. I sat down with him to talk about it. "Doctor Adams," I asked, "do you always try and prove that your patients are nuts?" "Always. Every time." "So you must think that everybody's nuts." "Absolutely, and here's...
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Funny story: A collection of Michael Owen's best tweets

A collection of Michael Owen's best tweets

Since joining Twitter the former football player and now commentator Michael Owen has shared his insights into life. Find below some of the nuggets of interest- It's Friday night! Think I might treat myself to a glass of water - I deserve it Good to see out of some of the football matches played today, several of them had winners. Football on later. Hopefully we'll see plenty of ball kic...
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Funny story: Israelis and Palestinians Finally Agree On Something........Unfortunately.

Israelis and Palestinians Finally Agree On Something........Unfortunately.

The UN Council, sick of the never ending strife in Israel between the Jews and the Arabs, came up with a novel idea for mediating a lasting truce. They employed Buddhists to act as peacekeepers. The Buddhist faith, probably among the most peaceful of any of the earthly religions, emphasizes tolerance, good will and understanding as its most important virtues. The UN high council members thought...
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Funny story: The 5 Best Computer Games of the 80s

The 5 Best Computer Games of the 80s

In the early 1980s, computers were larger than TV sets and had less power than today's mobile phones, but they provided a unique new form of entertainment to a select group of lucky nerds. By the end of the decade, it was a multi-thousand pound industry which was beginning to mushroom into the video game entertainment juggernaut which sucks the life from so many souls daily today. We take a nostal...
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Funny story: Bashar Assad Writes Thank You Letter to United States, Britain and Turkey

Bashar Assad Writes Thank You Letter to United States, Britain and Turkey

Today the White House released a letter that arrived a few days ago, and after clearing a mysterious white powder from the envelope, the enclosed apparent letter from Bashar Assad was found: Dear Mostly Finks and Bastards, I want to send my heart felt (or maybe it was just gas) warmest thanks for helping us with I-SIS. Here to fore I thought you bastards didn't like me for some reason. Oh I...
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Funny story: Libraries - The Great Whores Of The Literary World

Libraries - The Great Whores Of The Literary World

There used to be a sanctuary to which you could retire for that most blessed and peaceful of soul satisfying balms- silence. This sanctuary was known as a 'library' and throughout the world they could be considered a trustworthy and guarded haven for this treasure of peace whether it be in Bangladesh or the heart of Manhattan. There entities known as "librarians" would covet and protect this preci...
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Funny story: A day in the life of an invisible man

A day in the life of an invisible man

Written by an invisible man (with editorial assistance from Nate John Won) I suppose that you think it might be fun having my condition. Yes - I say 'condition' because strictly speaking, that's what it is - a medical anomaly. I know - you're thinking what everyone thinks - and I'll tell you straight - no - I've never robbed a bank, or a shop, or a market stall. And no - I haven't inadvertent...
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Funny story: FIFA 15 A Review

FIFA 15 A Review

We stole a copy of the new FIFA 15 game because we heard it was so amazing. We then had to steal a wide screen TV a PS4 and break into a hotel room so we could play the dam thing and give you this glittering review. For those of you who don't know what a "FIFA 15" is it's the game developed by a group of above the law tie wearing muppets who have destroyed the global game. However hats off to...
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Funny story: Bang To Animal Rights

Bang To Animal Rights

In an effort to impress the animal rights campaigner who has moved in at the end of our street BATTL news has decided to pursue an animal rights story that has shocked us. The daily newspaper "The Sun" (it should be called "The Paper That Thinks It's Alright To Kill Small Insects") has instigated a new hateful competition in which it hires celebrities to attempt killing a fly using a variety of ob...
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Funny story: Confessions of a Spam Filter

Confessions of a Spam Filter

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Sometimes I'm bored and don't do my job right. I'm guilty of the following bad deeds: -- Just to foul up the works, I often grab up some non-spam emails and refuse to let them out of my clutches. I enjoy the confusion, scheduling conflicts, and pandemonium that results. Yes! -- My computer owner is obnoxious and full of himself, so last week I let a lo...
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Funny story: Exhibit or Exhibitionism?

Exhibit or Exhibitionism?

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM, TEXASS - The citizens of Houston, TX, have a problem with Jorge Marin's statues. They're male--and they're naked. "Whether they be flesh and blood or bronze, we don't cotton to no naked men here in Houston, partner," Jim ("Big Bear") Butt said. The brawny bronzes in the sculptor's Wings of the City collection have stirred more than a few Houstonites, as residents...
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Funny story: Black is Black. I want my kitchen back.

Black is Black. I want my kitchen back.

CONSUMER NEWS - POTS AND KETTLES ACCUSE EACH OTHER OF COVERT BLACKNESS The incidence of name calling between kitchen implements has reached shocking new heights. That was the claim made by Mrs I. Liesalot of Manchester yesterday. Ms Liesalot, who has handed the manufacturer of her newly purchased pot and kettle with court documents, says she and her family have not slept in weeks. Said Mrs Lie...
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Funny story: Ryder Cup Congratulations

Ryder Cup Congratulations

Congratulations to the European team for winning the Ryder Cup at Gleneagles, Scotland. Yeah, right! The top players from several European nations played against the United States. Sure. As though the European countries didn't already outnumber the United States, the Scots must have had the golf course hot-wired for their European team. When you see a golf ball headed for the cow past...
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Funny story: Today's wine review: wine

Today's wine review: wine

Hello, I'm Felicity Munt, your well-lubricated and perspicacious wine reviewer. I have a great selection of wines for every occasion to review for you. So let's get started, shall we? Have you ever been out shopping for wine and felt that the experience left you wanting for wine? Well now with Bishop's Crevice Merlot, you have the perfect blend of autumnal fruits with a hint of nauseous oak whi...
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Funny story: Becks - A Review

Becks - A Review

After been told repeatedly by various editors/people in the street to "report on important things" and "why don't you get an actual job" we decided to knuckle down and do some real reporting. By that we meant we bought some Becks and reviewed the shit out of what is a great smooth beverage. In the hope that Mr Becks will see this humble review/tribute and pay us handsomely for it, we have sent...
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Funny story: "I don't like Geldof either" blasts 1st day of the week

"I don't like Geldof either" blasts 1st day of the week

Speaking in an interview on loose women, Monday admitted to Kay Adams that it doesn't like Bob Geldof either. After the Boom Town Rat's song went to no.1 for 3 weeks back in 1978, Monday admitted "I was devastated. I remember thinking what the hell have I done for this toe rag like me" Kay then asked if Monday had ever bumped into Bob Geldof when he was out and about? "Yes in fact. I...
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Showing page 1 (of 430 pages)

Breaking News...

Simpsons Show to Kill Off Bart Simpson

"You could say the whole Bart concept was getting old, but actually we just couldn't take Nancy Cartwright's Scamatology ravings any longer" spoke the show's producers.
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