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Funny story: Trump Outlines His Plan to Fix America to Make it Great Again

Trump Outlines His Plan to Fix America to Make it Great Again

Dreamland, USA Donald Trump outlined his many plans to improve life on the planet when he becomes President: -Use China's satellites to control the U.S. weather and then make Mexico and Canada pay for the good weather. -Re-open the Obama Birther Controversy-Period. -Put Bill Cosby in jail, because he never liked his comedy anyways. -Build a wall around all the U.S. states that refused to sup...
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Funny story: I Feel Like A Bird

I Feel Like A Bird

Here's a poem I writ when I was a bit fed up. I feel like a bird Moved to fly, or to try So high, in the sky (Or to die) And to detect a big, fat juicy worm With my beady eye I feel like a bird Special thing, on the wing For a fling, I would sing Like Evelyn Champagne King That incomparable sexy soul diva Rind-a-ding-ding! I feel like a bird And, in truth, a bit grim Hardly tr...
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Funny story: So Many Ties!

So Many Ties!

I hadn't really noticed It just crept up on me How many ties I've purchased More than thirty-three In fact, thirty-four How many neckties do I need? I've only got one neck! It really does border on greed My mate said "Flippin' 'eck!" Or something 'similar' They really do look smart though, As I knot them up real neat Stood in front of bathroom mirror With the help of my two feet...
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Funny story: 6 Disastrous Things That Absolutely Could Happen If Trump Is Elected

6 Disastrous Things That Absolutely Could Happen If Trump Is Elected

You can hardly look at the news, Facebook, or the Book of Revelation without hearing how Donald Trump is the end of the world. He says he wants build a wall on the U.S. Mexico border, prevent Muslims from entering the U.S., and withdraw from NATO, among other things. But there are dozens of obstacles -- from laws, funds, and manpower to, like, reality -- to stop him from actually doing them. There...
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Funny story: Questions For Gary Johnson

Questions For Gary Johnson

1. Aleppo is (a) Irish slang for a leprechaun, (b) a cross between a hippo and a leopard, (c) a lesbian hippo. 2. Manchuria is (a) a curious man, (b) an original manuscript in Spanish about a deluded old man tilting at windmills, (c) a Mexican dish of spicy food, made from roadkill. 3. Brexit is (a) shorthand for "you break it you buy it," (b) shorthand for the the title of a 1964 book by Hu...
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Funny story: Trump Fails His Own Immigration Certification Test

Trump Fails His Own Immigration Certification Test

Pursuant to a F.O.I.A. (Freedom Of Information Act) request, the federal government today released the results of Trump's application for U.S. Citizenship: 1. Do the U.S. Constitution and its amendments guarantee freedom of religion? ___ Yes ___ No Not for muslims(who are all terrorists) or for presidents who are born in Nigeria. Or Kenya. Whatever. 2. The government of the United Stat...
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Funny story: Five Signs You've Been Watching Too Much Crime TV

Five Signs You've Been Watching Too Much Crime TV

With so much crime TV on today, such as the Escape Channel and Investigation Discovery, whole networks are devoted to crime stories, with tales of homicide, rape, and terror everywhere on the dial. Therefore, it's good to know the signs that you've been watching too much TV and should probably slack off a bit. 1. You cancel all the life insurance on yourself because you think having it would ju...
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Funny story: Pepe Warezabar interviews Rabead al Sham Sham at Hotel Jarabulus

Pepe Warezabar interviews Rabead al Sham Sham at Hotel Jarabulus

Back, yes, Pepe Warezabar here, and I'm back. What do they call it--a sequester? Studying my navel and sacred texts and other matters? Now I'm bartender at Hotel Jarabulus just below the border with Turkey. It's been two years since Kobani and my last work in Erdogan's tent (for which I received The Guard Dog's undercover-story-of-the-week award, by the way). At this very moment I'm at th...
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Funny story: Is It Politically Correct to Swallow a Live Frog?

Is It Politically Correct to Swallow a Live Frog?

No, no, a thousand times NO, say frogs. And most people would probably agree. But, sadly, magician David Blaine must have missed the memo, since his performance at a Google retreat included coughing up a live frog and then -- ugh -- swallowing it again. Good grief, wouldn't you think this would be an inappropriate performance for the Google crowd? In any case, the furious frog who was...
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Funny story: The Trump-Putin Bromance

The Trump-Putin Bromance

The Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin (or "Vlady" as Trump calls him now) bromance reached a new height as Putin called Trump a "really brilliant and talented person." Trump then expressed HIS love for Putin and said how much cooler he thought Putin was than Obama. As Trump and Putin publicly embraced each other via the media, in-depth analysis reveals that Putin and Trump have exchanged gifts.
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Funny story: TV News Is Like Gas From A Gnat's Ass

TV News Is Like Gas From A Gnat's Ass

Noam Lerner was voted the world's leading public intellectual in The 2005 Global Intellectuals Poll jointly conducted by American magazine Foreign Policy and British magazine Prospect. He has been cited in Arts and Humanities Citation Index more often than any other living scholar. It almost seems that there isn't an award in academia that he hasn't won. His numerous books have repeatedly been...
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Funny story: Congress Has Bill Written By Tobacco Industry

Congress Has Bill Written By Tobacco Industry

Vaping is no safer than smoking scientists have warned after finding that e-cigarette vapor damages DNA in ways that could lead to cancer. Researchers at the University of California created an extract from the 'smoke' of e-cigarettes and used it to treat human cells in a lab. The exposed cells developed DNA damage and died far sooner than those left untreated. Nicotine free e-cigarettes cau...
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Funny story: How to completely eradicate the stray dogs in your area - A guide for South Asians

How to completely eradicate the stray dogs in your area - A guide for South Asians

Are you tired of hearing the barking and howling of dogs in your neighborhood in spite of all the luxuries that they enjoy in the cold and open, while you lie on an uncomfortably soft and warm bed in the night, constricted by the walls that surround you in your home? How dare they flock to your garbage in the night, trying to look for waste food without gaining your permission first? Have they n...
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Funny story: The Bear Who Walks Upright: First Interview

The Bear Who Walks Upright: First Interview

A unique bear in New Jersey (people call him "Pedals") has made headlines doing something that humans do all the time: walking upright. Having two maimed front legs, the bear walks on his back legs, appearing to be, well, almost human. Some people pity him and think he should be captured and sent to a wildlife sanctuary. Others advise a "no interference" policy. The bear claims that his name is...
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Funny story: Trump's "Softening" Makes Him Appear Limp & Flaccid

Trump's "Softening" Makes Him Appear Limp & Flaccid

In what is becoming known as "The Softening," Donald Trump is trying to get away from some of his positions and aggressive postures where, for example, he seemed to relish cruelty toward the Khan's - the Gold Star family - who lost their son in Iraq. Trump won popularity with white uneducated males by presenting himself as a malicious if not malignant figure as he excoriated women as being "pi...
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Funny story: Booker Prize Twits

Booker Prize Twits

From our literary critic, Tarquin Merryweather. I cannot even bring myself to name this year's winner of the Booker Prize for Fiction, as I believe the judges for this once prestigious award have stupidly overlooked some extremely more deserving writers. I myself expected that my latest book - "Gone With the Wind" - a thriller about a secret agent battling a crippling case of flatulence, would...
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Funny story: Top TV Head Scorns TV Approach To Trump

Top TV Head Scorns TV Approach To Trump

Climate change, skyrocketing drug prices, methane leaks caused by the oil-and-gas industry, US soldiers relying on food stamps to survive, California's war on the homeless, U.S. support of Saudia Arabia's genocide in Dufar against the Houthis are all important news stories. Instead the media gives wall-to-wall coverage of the Orangeman, Donald Trump. On CNN&N, MSFBC and FAUX there is alm...
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Funny story: Professor Humiliated By PC Students

Professor Humiliated By PC Students

A movement is arising, the critics say, driven largely by over-protected, too sensitive beyond words students, coddled and privileged who want to scrub campuses clean of words, ideas, and subjects that might cause discomfort or give offense. As an article in The Atlantic says, "Last December, Jeannie Suk wrote in an online article for The New Yorker about law students asking her fellow professors...
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Funny story: A call in the day of a telephone-survey guy

A call in the day of a telephone-survey guy

Hello Mr Barratt! This is Gavin from Surveysulike.web. Please could you spare us a few minutes of your very precious time (well, half-an-hour really) to take part in a survey about surveys? No need to swear Mr Barratt! Can I call you Robert? No, I can't call you "Winston effing Churchill", Mr Barratt. And how are you today? Suicidal, you say? That's great! Lovely weather, eh? Ah so it'...
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Funny story: Sting Joins Real Police In South Yorkshire

Sting Joins Real Police In South Yorkshire

World renowned musician Sting has embarked on his latest career with the South Yorkshire Police Force. His real name is Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner, no surprise then that he goes by Sting in his public career. Though his name tag on his police uniform says Sumner, Officer Thomas is what he likes to be called now. Officer Thomas sat down with this reporter to talk about the latest phase in his...
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Funny story: "Olympians In Paradise"

"Olympians In Paradise"

Ryan Seacrest (RS): "Jimmy Feigen, You've just won a Gold Medal in Swimming and donated 10 grand to charity. What are you going to do if you ever escape from Rio?" Feigen: "I thought about Disney World, but that offer was rescinded. So now I'm going to PARADISE!" CHRIS HARRISON JOINS RYAN SEACREST ON RIVAL NETWORK NBC. RS: "Chris Harrison, is Jimmy Feigen correct in that he is joining the...
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Funny story: New Trump Campaign Chiefs In Violent Squabble

New Trump Campaign Chiefs In Violent Squabble

Donald J. Trump has selected unrestrained, ultra right wing firebrand Stephen K. Bannon to be his campaign manager. Bannon is the editor of Brietbart, an incendiary publication noted for race-baiting diatribes, conspiracy theories, irreverence, lack of respect of social norms and willingness to stop on other people. Bannon joins Roger Ailes the head of Fox News, who was pushed out of his job d...
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Angelina Jolie Leaves Brad Pitt for Jeniffer Aniston

"I'm devastated!" said Brad. "I had no idea!!"
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