Showing:

Showing articles written by Auntie Jean.


Show all articles

Showing page 1 (of 3 pages)
Funny story: 10 Ways To Fool Your Neighbours

10 Ways To Fool Your Neighbours

1)Spray a place mat with matt black paint - abracadabra!! - its an expensive Ipad to walk out of your door with. 2)Make the people next door think you are having a glamorous "Hog Roast" garden party by getting a large road kill fox and roasting it over 4 portable barbecues. 3)Make people think you have a posh car by offering Porsche owners free parking in your drive while they go to work on...
View '10 Ways To Fool Your Neighbours'
Funny story: Ten Differences Between Australian Life And British Life

Ten Differences Between Australian Life And British Life

New to Australia? Here's our survival guide for your "New life in the sun" : 1) Don't rush into the nearest bit of sea, a shark will kill you. 2) Don't valiantly remove a spider from your pretty neighbour's bath, it will sink its deadly fangs into you and you will have 20 minutes to get an antidote or or it will kill you. 3) Don't leave your baby in her pram while you sunbathe, Dingos (pois...
View 'Ten Differences Between Australian Life And British Life'
Funny story: Successful Arse Growing Tips With Benedict Cucumber - Patch

Successful Arse Growing Tips With Benedict Cucumber - Patch

Goodbye arsehole! Fat, wrinkled, old, or simply past its sell by date? Here are 10 tips to grow a replacement arse. 1) Buy good quality arse seeds or plants to avoid disappointment. 2. When you start your arse farm don't try and do it all at once. Put bin bags over a portion of the garden to kill off any weeds and just cultivate a portion of the land that you feel comfortable with at th...
View 'Successful Arse Growing Tips With Benedict Cucumber - Patch'
Funny story: More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

Global warming "heretics" have today announced that: THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE HAS STOPPED RISING Since 1998 - more than a decade - the record, as determined by observations from satellites and balloon radiosondes, shows no discernible warming. Heretics who print or repeat these findings are to be burned at the stake on the next market day. The year 1998 was exceptionally warm because of a...
View 'More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up'
Funny story: A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

Yorkshire Savoury Croquet, popularised by John Prescott, is a game played on a large lawn. Equipment consists of long handled mallets, two sets of balls and some hoops pressed into the grass. It is quite hard to play when inebriated, but larger beer hoops are used in this instance. The croquet balls are made from a mixture of chopped, cooked bacon. small cheese cubes and mashed potato. Combine...
View 'A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet'
Funny story: Guide To Enjoying Your Hen Night In Borth, Aberystwith

Guide To Enjoying Your Hen Night In Borth, Aberystwith

Remember to respectfully treat other tourists who may have just come to Borth to quietly enjoy tranquil views of the famous peat bog and see the site of the well publicised recent bog fires. Here are some dares to get the ball rolling: 1) REMOVE YOUR BRA WITHOUT TAKING YOUR TOP OFF 2) SING SANDRA DEE FROM GREASE 3) DRINK YOUR DRINK WITHOUT STOPPING 4) KISS EVERYONE IN THE GROUP 5) DAN...
View 'Guide To Enjoying Your Hen Night In Borth, Aberystwith'
Funny story: A Brief Guide To The 1970s Mk 1 Stylophone

A Brief Guide To The 1970s Mk 1 Stylophone

The Stylophone was a small stylus-operated keyboard, sold mostly as an annoying children's toy. Invented in 1967, it entered production in 1968. It consisted of a tiny metal keyboard played by touching it with a live stylus - each note being connected to a voltage-controlled noise via a resistor - closing a circuit. The only other controls were a power switch and a vibrato control on the fron...
View 'A Brief Guide To The 1970s Mk 1 Stylophone'
Funny story: Auntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain

Auntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain

I. S. Wallow Asks: Dear Auntie Jean, I am sitting in my best clothes in wet mud in a torrential downpour in the garden. Normally despite being an otherwise intelligent human being, I ask my mother whether or not to come in out of the rain. My mother tells me I have no common sense. I have a horrific cough and what seems to be pneumonia. My mother is not speaking to me so will not tell me ei...
View 'Auntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain'
Funny story: Giving Up Smoking With Lady Penelope And The Thunderbird Team

Giving Up Smoking With Lady Penelope And The Thunderbird Team

One time 60 a day cigarette holder wielding Lady Penelope has offered to help Spoof Readers quit smoking. "The entire Thunderbird team was getting through a total of 6000 cigarettes a day in the 1970s" explained Parker, Lady Penelope's bit of rough. "It was a little over the top on the smoking front. The thing was that everything was powered by fireworks - no C.G.I you see, and we all smok...
View 'Giving Up Smoking With Lady Penelope And The Thunderbird Team'
Funny story: Auntie Jean Advises Ben O. Verbitch Regarding His Amazing Genitals

Auntie Jean Advises Ben O. Verbitch Regarding His Amazing Genitals

Ben O. Verbitch asks: Auntie Jean, After having won second prize in a hamper competition consisting of 100kg of radioactive canned spinach, I rubbed some of it on my testicles and now I have the wedding tackle of an elephant. Auntie Jean Advises : This is terrible. See a surgeon and then try to dump the radioactive spinach in several public litter bins. Failing that put it on your garden gnom...
View 'Auntie Jean Advises Ben O. Verbitch Regarding His Amazing Genitals'
Funny story: So Easy Even a Man Can Do It - Parking Guide

So Easy Even a Man Can Do It - Parking Guide

Husbands - forget embarrassing parallel parking mess - ups, getting into trouble in the supermarket car park, scuffing your wife's expensive alloy wheels and banging the car door onto the next one while struggling to squeeze your beer gut out of the driver's door. Here's our confidence boosting parking advice: 1) Get touch up paint to keep in your "Man Bag". 2) Superglue giant cats whiskers...
View 'So Easy Even a Man Can Do It - Parking Guide'
Funny story: Easter Sofas - The Ups and Downs

Easter Sofas - The Ups and Downs

Forget Jesus Christ and all religious distractions, forget family meals and get togethers, once again according to T.V. advertising it's time to buy expensive furniture. Here's our guide for everyone out there with no common sense: 1) Buy the largest sofa you can squeeze into your room. 2) Forget comfort and other considerations. 3) Buy Mail order if possible for a surprise factor. 4)...
View 'Easter Sofas - The Ups and Downs'
Funny story: Shopping Solutions for your special day

Shopping Solutions for your special day

For the budding or curious beginner transvestite, getting kitted out for that special "day out in a shopping mall" can be embarrassing, so here is our guide. 1) Midnight clothes borrowing. Make sure there are no wanted "weirdos" around apart from you. Put a black stocking on your head, get a long knife and go out in the dark with a bin bag to cut washing lines with, borrow clothes, put an i.o...
View 'Shopping Solutions for your special day'
Funny story: Auntie Jean Advises Dick Hertz Whose Friend's Foreskin is Zipped Into a Marquee Tent Zipper

Auntie Jean Advises Dick Hertz Whose Friend's Foreskin is Zipped Into a Marquee Tent Zipper

Dick Hertz asks: Auntie Jean, my friend is a flasher I'm afraid and we are at a wedding reception across the road from an Abbey. My friend was trying to flash some Benedictine Nuns, who ran after him with a meat cleaver. He zipped the heavy duty zipper up and managed to zip his foreskin right into the zipper. can you advise please? Auntie Jean Advises : Its probably you I think with the trappe...
View 'Auntie Jean Advises Dick Hertz Whose Friend's Foreskin is Zipped Into a Marquee Tent Zipper'
Funny story: Scottish Safari - We Hunt Lichen

Scottish Safari - We Hunt Lichen

Saturday: Set off from Euston Station bound for Anglesey. Arrived at 14.05 hrs to be greeted by Lichenologist Hans Nisan Bumpsadaisy. Hans relieves us of his £500 fee and goes to buy a crate of whisky. Alcoholic, Hans wasn't seen again until we found him drunk in the forest the following morning. Sunday: Hunted for Hans in the forest and found him singing and exposing himself to a group of Bene...
View 'Scottish Safari - We Hunt Lichen'
Funny story: Pimp your fridge freezer for 10 quid

Pimp your fridge freezer for 10 quid

Shopping list: flourescent paint spray X2, Stanley or box cutter knife, blowtorch. Essentially its a matter of removing the silencing rubber feet from the compressor tank and taking off one of the four refrigerator feet to mske a resounding rattle with plenty of street cred. Spray the fridge freezer with any pattern of flourescent paint and carry out the other mods. Remove all seals from the f...
View 'Pimp your fridge freezer for 10 quid'
Funny story: Make your teacher think she is glued to her chair by hypnosis

Make your teacher think she is glued to her chair by hypnosis

The technique is simply one of suggestion and will work spectacularly on the right subjects. First you must secretly test your subjects for susceptibility by making hidden suggestions in your everyday conversation with the teacher. An example being, "Miss Brown, here is my homework make me a fried egg sandwich I'm sorry the homework is late." If the subject obeys the hidden command, then immed...
View 'Make your teacher think she is glued to her chair by hypnosis'
Funny story: Modding Mom's car to sound like a growling tiger

Modding Mom's car to sound like a growling tiger

To Mod your Mom's car to turn heads follow my three easy steps. While Mom is at the hairdressers: 1) Pimp the tailpipe with a Performance Exhaust: Have a muffler shop that knows what they're doing upgrade her exhaust system. The term for what you want is a "header-back" exhaust which will greatly increase the amount of noise the car makes and produce a deep, growling sound. 2) Take off her...
View 'Modding Mom's car to sound like a growling tiger'
Funny story: Public bored with DJs and C list celebrities being taken to court

Public bored with DJs and C list celebrities being taken to court

Recent Media "overkill" featuring "has been" celebrities going to court has led to cries of "Let's have a 'Strictly' style sudden death televised phone in" to let the public decide if they are to be punished or not. Ideas for what punishments to dish out include: - Forced watching of Soaps with multiple choice tests afterwards for soap haters. - 3 year sentences of football match highligh...
View 'Public bored with DJs and C list celebrities being taken to court'
Funny story: Auntie Jean advises the chess champion of the world

Auntie Jean advises the chess champion of the world

Magnus Carlsen from Norway asks: "Auntie Jean, I am in the final of the world chess championship. Actually I am in the lavatory of the competition building and there is no toilet paper. I think my opponent has stuffed it all down the toilet to put me off my game. I was going to complete a series of moves ending in a spectacular "Carlsen checkmate" coup de gras, but now I can 't wipe my arse. Can...
View 'Auntie Jean advises the chess champion of the world'
Funny story: Abysmal holiday in Y Borth, West Wales

Abysmal holiday in Y Borth, West Wales

Y Borth, West Wales, has a sandy beach and is a holiday seaside resort. Our week there in a youth hostel in the village next to the caravan and camping site was utterly abysmal. An unexciting ancient submerged forest is an invisible attraction along the beach, where stumps of trees (preserved by the acid anaerobic conditions in the peat) cannot be seen. Said to be the legend of Cantre'r Gwaelod...
View 'Abysmal holiday in Y Borth, West Wales'
Funny story: I was trapped at an Eisteddfod in Aberystwyth

I was trapped at an Eisteddfod in Aberystwyth

Severely traumatised and finally emerging from a Swiss clinic after seven years of therapy, this is Jack Schitt's story as told to Blodwyn Jones, our Welsh affairs correspondent: Exactly as things happened: Announcement: Welcome to the Eisteddfod! If you want to shelter from the rain, or find some towels, whatever the weather at this year's Eisteddfod, call at Aberystwyth University's sta...
View 'I was trapped at an Eisteddfod in Aberystwyth'

Showing page 1 (of 3 pages)

Breaking News...

Obama to deploy 3,000 doctors to combat ISIL

The United States announced on Tuesday it will send 3,000 doctors to help combat the Islamic terrorist group, ISIL, as part of a ramped-up plan, including a major deployment in Syria.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 5?

2 5 6 17


Go to top