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Funny story: Dean R. Koontz

Dean R. Koontz

Dean R. Koontz, known (by colleague and competitor Stephen King) as "the Stephen King of the West Coast," dissociates himself with horror, saying, "To be a horror writer, one must be a horrible writer." He is not to be confused with his fictional alter ego, horror writer Dean Koontz. Koontz was born in Pennsylvania, under a host of pseudonyms, and conceived the plots of his first 33 novels whi...
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Funny story: Nostalgic Television: "Be Witched"

Nostalgic Television: "Be Witched"

Be Witched was a situation comedy, or sitcom (short for stupid idiots tune in comedies) starring Lizzy Montgummy as Sam Stevens. A bigamist (or, possibly, a polyandryist), Sam was a transvestite witch who, out of stupidity, renounced magic in favor of love. She had two husbands, both named Darren (or, sometimes, Dum Dum, Durwood, Dagwood, or Dingleberry), who, coincidentally, were both employed by...
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Funny story: Nostalgic Television: "Get Smart"

Nostalgic Television: "Get Smart"

Get Maxwell Don Adams Smart, or Get Smart, as it was called for short, celebrated the U. S. Central Intelligence Agency. It starred Maxwell Don Adams Smart, an actual CIA agent who loved numbers, particularly 99. The series was designed to showcase the efficiency and sophistication of U. S. federal bureaucracies and to make Americans feel safe and happy to part with the millions of dollars in taxe...
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Funny story: Celebrity misquotes

Celebrity misquotes

Most celebrities, most of the time, have nothing important or interesting to say, but, because they are famous (and rich), their every word is reported to the world. Unfortunately, they are usually misquoted, because their words are taken out of context, or so they say, and, when they are not being misquoted, they are misspeaking. No matter what they do or say, they claim that they are seldom, if...
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Funny story: Voyeurism: It's not just for perverts anymore!

Voyeurism: It's not just for perverts anymore!

Voyeurism is the pastime of spying on someone who is unaware of his or her presence. were the victim aware, he or she (usually, she) wouldn't be lolling around naked in the first place, especially in the presence, seen or unseen, of anyone else (unless she is also an exhibitionist). If the voyeur is hard up enough to ogle someone in secret and there is no one available to ogle, he will usually...
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Funny story: Gay-friendly women

Gay-friendly women

Who's sexier? Sophia Loren or Heidi Klum? Jane Mansfield or Gisele Bundchen? Marilyn Monroe or Adriana Lima? The idea of what makes a woman sexy has changed since the 1950's. Whereas having large, round breasts, wide hips, and an ample derriere was once considered the epitome of feminine beauty, by contemporary standards these attributes would cause a woman to be labeled "fat" and "unattractiv...
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Funny story: Bloopers


Although not as expensive to produce and not usually considered as "good" as motion pictures, television (TV) shows are still, by everyone's standards except, perhaps, those of Bill Gates, costly and, therefore, even their goofs, flubs, fuckups, boners, and bloopers, as mistakes by cast and crew are called (except when they're called outtakes or, in England, "a comedy of errors"), are often preser...
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Funny story: Erotic art

Erotic art

Erotic art is an excuse, in the form of sketches, paintings, sculptures, and other media, to show naked people, many of whom are depicted as engaging in "erotic" (a codeword for sexual) activities. Although some people try to distinguish between erotic art and pornography, no argument for such a distinction has ever been generally accepted, and most people agree that one person's erotic art is ano...
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Funny story: Rupert Giles

Rupert Giles

Rupert Giles studied at Oxford University, but dropped out before earning a history degree to become a voyeur, or "watcher," as his father and grandmother Edna had been before him. Rather than taking his wayward son to task for wasting what could have been a superb education at one of the world's leading universities, Giles' father approved of his decision, affirming it as a fulfillment of his "de...
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Funny story: Bionic Woman

Bionic Woman

The Bionic Woman was created out of spare, mostly human, somewhat female body parts as a companion for Colonel Steve Austin, a lonely former astronaut-become-cyborg, after she dove headfirst into a cow patty from a height of 12,000 feet in an attempt to decorate a clover patch with her remains. Before her tragic accident, she had been a tennis player known for her wicked backhand. Rebuilt by Dr...
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Funny story: Dixie


"I wish I was in Dixie." - Epitaph on Nicole Brown Simpson's headstone Dixie or Dixieland (not to be mistaken for Disneyland) is an imaginary country celebrated in a number of popular songs and, as such, takes its place not so much among the nations of the earth as it does among other nations of the mind, in a mental atlas alongside Narnia, Middle Earth, Oz, La La Land, Never Never Land, and...
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Funny story: Comic Books: Literacy for the Illiterate

Comic Books: Literacy for the Illiterate

A comic book is a magazine, rarely a book, printed on cheap newsprint or toilet tissue, which is rarely funny, or "comic," so it should be renamed, but those in the industry are lazy, preferring to draw poorly executed pictures that illustrate barely literate narratives (stories) in bold and fancy fonts. Due to the imbecilic level of their "reader's" intelligence and literacy, these magazines a...
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Funny story: Playboy Playmates

Playboy Playmates

In The Secret of Wealth and Happiness, Hu Humpher, under the pen name Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine, explains what led to his success: the Playboy Playmate. For anyone who may be visiting from another planet, a Playboy Playmate is a full-color, glossy, airbrushed photograph of a nude woman with a staple through at least one portion (and usually two) of her anatomy. She is also someti...
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Funny story: The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh is a long, boring, heroic poem by Gil Gamesh, a Babylonian who plagiarized the story from ancient Sumerian sources and claimed that the events of the poem, outlandish though they are, actually happened to him. One of the poem's key episodes in the flood, which, when it is written about in the Bible, is known as the Biblical flood, but, in Gilgamesh, is referred to as The Delu...
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Funny story: Boogers: they're finger-lickin' good!

Boogers: they're finger-lickin' good!

"Booger" (also "boogie") is the polite name for snot, a free, delicious, nutritious emergency ration produced, without fanfare, by the nasal mucosa in such abundance that individuals swallow approximately 3.48 gallons per day without realizing it. Boogers are made up of mucin, water, cells, and inorganic salts. Depending upon the size of the serving, a single helping may contain from 10 to 40 c...
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Funny story: The true story of Marvel Comics' Wolverine

The true story of Marvel Comics' Wolverine

Wolverine was born in Canada. He has no mother; his father, Marvel artist Len Wein, is thought to have created him through masturbation, much as the ancient Greeks created the gods who ruled them. In the comic books, however, Wolverine's origin is attributed to the Canadian government (as if the Canucks' scientists were capable of creating anything akin to sheer damn manliness). Soon after his...
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Funny story: The true origins of Marvel Comic's Human Torch

The true origins of Marvel Comic's Human Torch

Hot-headed teen Johnny Storm rode his future brother-in-law's crotch rocket through what Reed Richards said was a stream of "cosmic rays" but which, in the comic book sequence during which this scene occurs, off-screen, so to speak, in shadows, beneath a full room, amid wine and roses, looks much like gobs of Richards' ejaculate. The experience changed both partners forever, as it did onlookers...
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Funny story: Hollyweird's hottest: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Hollyweird's hottest: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Jennifer Love Hewitt came to fame when she starred in the TV sitcom Partying with Five, in which she played Sarah Reeves Marin, a promiscuous teen tart. She also raised eyebrows (and male appendages) as Julie James in the 1997 motion picture I Know What My Breasts Did Last Summer. Her curvaceous body--she has an amazing rack!--made it clear that she had "grown" considerably, both as an actress and...
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Funny story: The true story of Marvel Comics' The Punisher

The true story of Marvel Comics' The Punisher

The Punisher, a sadistic sociopath, is the son--some would say, the spawn--of a love tryst between Gene Conway and his wife, John Romita. Taunted mercilessly by his bullying schoolmates because of his dubious parentage, vowed to avenge himself not only upon his tormentors, but also upon society in general. To show that, in his case, the apple, although wormy, had fallen far from the tree, he wo...
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Funny story: The true story of Marvel Comics' The Whizzer

The true story of Marvel Comics' The Whizzer

Transfused with the blood of a mongoose that killed the venomous snake that sought to bite him, Bob Frank, a skinny bedwetter, acquired the ability to store massive quantities of urine, which he used as a weapon to fight supervillains and defend truth, justice, and maidenly virtue. Donning a urine-colored costume, the chest of which was emblazoned with a huge blue "W," to warn evildoers of the con...
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Funny story: Hollyweird's hottest: Selma Blair

Hollyweird's hottest: Selma Blair

Selma Beitner (aka Batsheva), whose screen name is Selma Blair because (1) "Blair" sounds better than "Beitner," (2) she wants to hide her Jewish heritage ("'Blair' sounds less offensively Anglo," she says), has starred in one or two blockbusters, but she is not adverse to accepting roles in independent films or even art-house trash when the meatier roles are not forthcoming. Her "versatility," sh...
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Funny story: The True Story of Marvel Comics' Dr. Doom

The True Story of Marvel Comics' Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom--his very name spells disaster. Not surprisingly, this gray-armored, green-robed, hoodie-clad supervillain remains one of Marvel Comics' most popular bad guys ever--so popular, in fact, that he is often soon retired after appearing, for an issue of two, usually in The Fantastic Four, the comic book that showcased his origin, for fear that he will eclipse the superheroes he fights. Not the...
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