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Funny story: Hollyweird's Hottest: Kristen Kreuk

Hollyweird's Hottest: Kristen Kreuk

Kristen Kook, better known by her stage name, Kristen Kreuk, describes herself as a "mutt," because of her "mixed ancestry." Her father, Peter Kook, is Dutch, and her mother, Deanna Chia, creator of Chia Pets (terracotta figurines that spout chia instead of fur), is Chinese, Indonesian, Jamaican, and "what-not." Both parents are landscape architects, a profession that not only inspired Chia to...
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Funny story: Hollyweird's Hottest: Jessica Alba

Hollyweird's Hottest: Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba has starred in a string of so-so movies, including Going Nowhere, The Secret of Allie's Rack, Fantastic Foursome, and The Rise of the Silver Phallus. Walter Scott called her a "sex symbol," and, in 2006, when she was 25, Maxim named her 99th in its list of "99 Most Desirable Women." Since then, she has fallen off the chart, although FHM gave her an "honorable mention" in its 2007 "...
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Funny story: Andrea Mitchell: The Unauthorized Biography

Andrea Mitchell: The Unauthorized Biography

MSNBC's version of Fox News' typical blonde bombshell reporters, Andrea Mitchell pretends to be the network's chief foreign affairs correspondent, reporting upon the sexual infidelities of foreign heads of state. She also hosts Andrea Mitchell Reports, on which she repeats gossip concerning the adulterous pursuits of U. S. politicians, unless they are members of the Democratic Party. To show th...
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Funny story: Chris Matthews: The Unauthorized Biography

Chris Matthews: The Unauthorized Biography

To show that he believed in "giving back" even before he had anything to give back, MSNBC's Chris Matthews went to Africa as a recent college graduate to serve on the Peace Corps. Then, to avoid work, he got on the public dole immediately upon his return stateside, working as an aide in the U. S. Senate. Because he had a way with words, if not with women, Matthews became a speechwriter, scripting...
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Funny story: Green Arrow (and Speedy)

Green Arrow (and Speedy)

Perhaps the pimple-face adolescent boys who moved their lips as they read the simple text and gazed at the colorful (mostly green) drawings didn't suspect, but anyone who'd ever read a story featuring the Caped Crusader and his sidekick, the Boy Wonder, would understand, at once, that the comic book hero Green Arrow and his assistant Speedy were obvious knockoffs of Batman and Robin. While the...
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Funny story: The legendary life of Wyatt Earp

The legendary life of Wyatt Earp

Wyatt Earp was a sometimes-lawman, sometimes-outlaw who sometimes owned a saloon and occasionally dealt cards or shot buffalo, depending on the economy and job market of the Territory (Indiana, Kansas, Nevada, Alaska, California) in which the itinerant jack of all trades happened to hang his hat on any given day. He went by a number of aliases, including Randolph Scott, Errol Flynn, Jimmy Stewa...
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Funny story: Vehicle accessories

Vehicle accessories

For women, accessories relate to dress and include such items as bows, tiaras, necklaces, bracelets, pins, rings, anklets, purses, shoes, and men with thick wallets. For men, accessories relate to vehicles, and include hubcaps, rims, wheels, racing stripes, cabin-mounted rifle racks, decals, and truck balls. Although men accessorize both cars and trucks, the latter are often decorated with raci...
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Funny story: Dean R. Koontz

Dean R. Koontz

Dean R. Koontz, known (by colleague and competitor Stephen King) as "the Stephen King of the West Coast," dissociates himself with horror, saying, "To be a horror writer, one must be a horrible writer." He is not to be confused with his fictional alter ego, horror writer Dean Koontz. Koontz was born in Pennsylvania, under a host of pseudonyms, and conceived the plots of his first 33 novels whi...
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Funny story: Nostalgic Television: "Be Witched"

Nostalgic Television: "Be Witched"

Be Witched was a situation comedy, or sitcom (short for stupid idiots tune in comedies) starring Lizzy Montgummy as Sam Stevens. A bigamist (or, possibly, a polyandryist), Sam was a transvestite witch who, out of stupidity, renounced magic in favor of love. She had two husbands, both named Darren (or, sometimes, Dum Dum, Durwood, Dagwood, or Dingleberry), who, coincidentally, were both employed by...
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Funny story: Nostalgic Television: "Get Smart"

Nostalgic Television: "Get Smart"

Get Maxwell Don Adams Smart, or Get Smart, as it was called for short, celebrated the U. S. Central Intelligence Agency. It starred Maxwell Don Adams Smart, an actual CIA agent who loved numbers, particularly 99. The series was designed to showcase the efficiency and sophistication of U. S. federal bureaucracies and to make Americans feel safe and happy to part with the millions of dollars in taxe...
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Funny story: Celebrity misquotes

Celebrity misquotes

Most celebrities, most of the time, have nothing important or interesting to say, but, because they are famous (and rich), their every word is reported to the world. Unfortunately, they are usually misquoted, because their words are taken out of context, or so they say, and, when they are not being misquoted, they are misspeaking. No matter what they do or say, they claim that they are seldom, if...
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Funny story: Voyeurism: It's not just for perverts anymore!

Voyeurism: It's not just for perverts anymore!

Voyeurism is the pastime of spying on someone who is unaware of his or her presence. were the victim aware, he or she (usually, she) wouldn't be lolling around naked in the first place, especially in the presence, seen or unseen, of anyone else (unless she is also an exhibitionist). If the voyeur is hard up enough to ogle someone in secret and there is no one available to ogle, he will usually...
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Funny story: Gay-friendly women

Gay-friendly women

Who's sexier? Sophia Loren or Heidi Klum? Jane Mansfield or Gisele Bundchen? Marilyn Monroe or Adriana Lima? The idea of what makes a woman sexy has changed since the 1950's. Whereas having large, round breasts, wide hips, and an ample derriere was once considered the epitome of feminine beauty, by contemporary standards these attributes would cause a woman to be labeled "fat" and "unattractiv...
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Funny story: Bloopers

Bloopers

Although not as expensive to produce and not usually considered as "good" as motion pictures, television (TV) shows are still, by everyone's standards except, perhaps, those of Bill Gates, costly and, therefore, even their goofs, flubs, fuckups, boners, and bloopers, as mistakes by cast and crew are called (except when they're called outtakes or, in England, "a comedy of errors"), are often preser...
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Funny story: Erotic art

Erotic art

Erotic art is an excuse, in the form of sketches, paintings, sculptures, and other media, to show naked people, many of whom are depicted as engaging in "erotic" (a codeword for sexual) activities. Although some people try to distinguish between erotic art and pornography, no argument for such a distinction has ever been generally accepted, and most people agree that one person's erotic art is ano...
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Funny story: Rupert Giles

Rupert Giles

Rupert Giles studied at Oxford University, but dropped out before earning a history degree to become a voyeur, or "watcher," as his father and grandmother Edna had been before him. Rather than taking his wayward son to task for wasting what could have been a superb education at one of the world's leading universities, Giles' father approved of his decision, affirming it as a fulfillment of his "de...
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Funny story: Bionic Woman

Bionic Woman

The Bionic Woman was created out of spare, mostly human, somewhat female body parts as a companion for Colonel Steve Austin, a lonely former astronaut-become-cyborg, after she dove headfirst into a cow patty from a height of 12,000 feet in an attempt to decorate a clover patch with her remains. Before her tragic accident, she had been a tennis player known for her wicked backhand. Rebuilt by Dr...
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Funny story: Dixie

Dixie

"I wish I was in Dixie." - Epitaph on Nicole Brown Simpson's headstone Dixie or Dixieland (not to be mistaken for Disneyland) is an imaginary country celebrated in a number of popular songs and, as such, takes its place not so much among the nations of the earth as it does among other nations of the mind, in a mental atlas alongside Narnia, Middle Earth, Oz, La La Land, Never Never Land, and...
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Funny story: Comic Books: Literacy for the Illiterate

Comic Books: Literacy for the Illiterate

A comic book is a magazine, rarely a book, printed on cheap newsprint or toilet tissue, which is rarely funny, or "comic," so it should be renamed, but those in the industry are lazy, preferring to draw poorly executed pictures that illustrate barely literate narratives (stories) in bold and fancy fonts. Due to the imbecilic level of their "reader's" intelligence and literacy, these magazines a...
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Funny story: Playboy Playmates

Playboy Playmates

In The Secret of Wealth and Happiness, Hu Humpher, under the pen name Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine, explains what led to his success: the Playboy Playmate. For anyone who may be visiting from another planet, a Playboy Playmate is a full-color, glossy, airbrushed photograph of a nude woman with a staple through at least one portion (and usually two) of her anatomy. She is also someti...
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Funny story: The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh is a long, boring, heroic poem by Gil Gamesh, a Babylonian who plagiarized the story from ancient Sumerian sources and claimed that the events of the poem, outlandish though they are, actually happened to him. One of the poem's key episodes in the flood, which, when it is written about in the Bible, is known as the Biblical flood, but, in Gilgamesh, is referred to as The Delu...
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Funny story: Boogers: they're finger-lickin' good!

Boogers: they're finger-lickin' good!

"Booger" (also "boogie") is the polite name for snot, a free, delicious, nutritious emergency ration produced, without fanfare, by the nasal mucosa in such abundance that individuals swallow approximately 3.48 gallons per day without realizing it. Boogers are made up of mucin, water, cells, and inorganic salts. Depending upon the size of the serving, a single helping may contain from 10 to 40 c...
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