Showing:

Showing articles written by CaptainSausage.


Show all articles

Showing page 1 (of 4 pages)
Funny story: New words of 2014

New words of 2014

The latest edition of the Dorking Standard English Dictionary was released to the shops this week. Publishers were celebrating after the number of words increased 3% on last year to reach a record 800,000. It means that the English language has completed its recovery since the great word crash of 2002 when many words were lost. Here are a selection of the new words which have made it into the d...
View 'New words of 2014'
Funny story: Barry Budget's amazing lifestyle tips

Barry Budget's amazing lifestyle tips

Here's some great tips to help you get the best out of life when running on a limited budget. 1. Don't holiday abroad. Book a caravan in your local caravan park, and come home to cook meals cheaply. 2. Take a six-pack of supermarket brand beer into the pub with you, and buy only one beer in the pub. Then instead of ordering more drinks, just top up your own from the can. You'll save a fortun...
View 'Barry Budget's amazing lifestyle tips'
Funny story: World War One's Greatest Weapon

World War One's Greatest Weapon

World War One was a conflict. It featured some of the greatest weapons ever invented, including the first usage of the aeroplane, the tank and the machine gun in a major war. However, there is one weapon that was used during WW1 which has been largely overlooked, but which probably affected the outcome more than any other. It is of course, the inflatable toilet catapult. Inflatable toilets w...
View 'World War One's Greatest Weapon'
Funny story: Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated

Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated

Perhaps the most famous of the poets of World War One, Fred Jakes, is to be celebrated in a special service in the Somme this weekend. Jakes died there just seconds after the 1918 ceasefire which signalled the end of the war, from a bullet wound he had sustained a few minutes earlier. Jakes was a serving private in the trenches of the Western Front, where he wrote many of his best poems. Many o...
View 'Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated'
Funny story: 50 Amazing Facts

50 Amazing Facts

Here are 50 amazing facts for you to wow yourself and your friends with. But there's a twist! One of the facts is not true. See if you can spot which one. - The ostrich is the only animal which is allowed to drive in Australia. - Queen Elizabeth II has two anuses. - The largest city in Britain without an aquarium is Bath. - Henry Guillotine was killed by his own famous invention which bears...
View '50 Amazing Facts'
Funny story: The life of a pound coin

The life of a pound coin

In the week when the British economy returns to pre-crisis levels, we take a look at the life of a pound coin during a single week, in an attempt to explain why the British economy manages to be so dynamic. Our coin's tale begins with George Osbourne, as he spends our taxes to buy a Revolting Peasants cocktail at Jolly Cedric's Wank-Bar For Toffs. 20% of the cost goes to the taxman, so at the p...
View 'The life of a pound coin'
Funny story: Celebrities choose their World Cup XIs

Celebrities choose their World Cup XIs

Because it's the World Cup Final this weekend, we asked a number of celebrities to tell us who their top World Cup XI would be if they could choose anyone or anything to be on the team. We then imagined what would happen if they actually played each other. Reverend Timothy Pulpit selected a diverse group of objects. In the midfield he had church and gay marriage; on the left wing, Jesus, and on...
View 'Celebrities choose their World Cup XIs'
Funny story: World Cup Live Commentary

World Cup Live Commentary

During the World Cup Finals, we've seen a lot of good matches, but none have been more exciting than Japan vs Greece. Here we are with live commentary from Barry Testes and Gary Ovum. Barry: Whether you like the Japanese game or you prefer it Greek style, we've got plenty on show for you tonight. You join us for the second half kick-off, the game currently standing at an exhilarating 0-0. And i...
View 'World Cup Live Commentary'
Funny story: The greatest World Cup footballers of all time

The greatest World Cup footballers of all time

To celebrate the World Cup in Brazil, we take a look back at some of the all time greats of football. Those players who have stood out from the crowd and made a real impact on the game. Here are TheSpoof's five best World Cup footballers of all time. 5. "Wee Eck" McSmith The diminutive Scottish centre forward was considered the best footballer in the world back in 1974, in the days when Scotla...
View 'The greatest World Cup footballers of all time'
Funny story: Want to earn $$$$ and travel the world?

Want to earn $$$$ and travel the world?

Have you ever thought about leaving your boring job and travelling the world? Ever considered becoming a professional globe-trotting writer? Well now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, millions of people are escaping the drudgery of the rat race and becoming a writer. It doesn't matter what kind of writing you want to do - travel writing, spoof journalism, or even hardcore pornography writ...
View 'Want to earn $$$$ and travel the world?'
Funny story: New York Musician dies

New York Musician dies

This week, unique and influential musician Art Johnson has died outside his home in New York at the age of 53. The circumstances surrounding his death are still unclear, but it appears that he choked to death on a parking ticket which he refused to pay. He was eating it in protest when he met his tragic end. Johnson was always wary of authority. He first came to prominence in the music bars of...
View 'New York Musician dies'
Funny story: The First World War reenacted - with taxidermy

The First World War reenacted - with taxidermy

This year marks the 100th anniversary of the beginning of the First World War. It is a solemn occasion to remember a dark chapter in human history, which led to the deaths of 20 million people, over half of them civilians. To commemorate the event, Dorking's premier taxidermist Robin Stuffing has created a life-size replica of the trenches of the Western Front. The roles of soldiers and officer...
View 'The First World War reenacted - with taxidermy'
Funny story: 50 things you must do in Britain before you die

50 things you must do in Britain before you die

Travel agency GetMeTheF***OutOfHere has compiled a list of the fifty things that every British person should do before he or she dies. The list is intended to increase tourism to the UK as well as boosting some of our best known exports. It includes many experiences which British people will commonly do at some time in their life. Foreigners and tourists may wonder about some of the items, but...
View '50 things you must do in Britain before you die'
Funny story: The Shakin' Stevens Phenomenon

The Shakin' Stevens Phenomenon

It seems that you can't walk five paces down the street in 2014 without seeing yet another Shakin' Stevens impersonator. In pubs, clubs and even jailhouses throughout the UK, people regularly hold events to dress up as and celebrate the hip-shaking denim-wearing crooner, and to many he truly is "The King of Rock and Roll". So how did Shakin' Stevens become the wonder of the UK? Superfan Stephen...
View 'The Shakin' Stevens Phenomenon'
Funny story: Winter Olympics roundup

Winter Olympics roundup

Hi! My name's Tad Poleman and here is my official roundup of the Winter Olympics here in Sushi, Russia. We're now halfway through the Olympic Games, and it's been so exciting I haven't even written an article about it yet. So here is a summary of what's happened so far. Who can forget Geoff Chafe winning Britain's one and only medal in the nude luge? Amazingly he beat his nearest opponent the G...
View 'Winter Olympics roundup'
Funny story: Tarts of the Somme

Tarts of the Somme

Ever since the dull Wilfred Owen wrote his famous poem, "Prossies lose decorum if", there has been a fascination with the ladies of the night who frequented the trenches of the Western Front during World War One. They struggled with great hardship in sticky times. The Front was harsh, lonely and felt like the very bottom of the world. Most poor soldiers were therefore very pleased to have a lad...
View 'Tarts of the Somme'
Funny story: Why Britain Hates The Winter Olympics

Why Britain Hates The Winter Olympics

On the 7th of February, President Vladimir Putin of Russia will insert a flaming 12-inch torch into a fur-lined brown ring in Sochi, causing a shower of snowy liquid to shoot over the expectant crowd and thereby bringing to a start the Winter Olympics of 2014. It is sure to be a gay old time for all involved, but how did we get here? Where did it all begin? The answer, perhaps unsurprisingly, i...
View 'Why Britain Hates The Winter Olympics'
Funny story: The World in 2114

The World in 2114

One hundred years ago, people were rubbing their hands with excitement in anticipation of the beginning of the First World War. How times have changed! Who knows what future conflicts people might be looking forward to in a hundred more years. We asked a group of futurologists to give their predictions for what changes we can expect by 2114, even though they'll all be dead by then so they can't be...
View 'The World in 2114'
Funny story: New Year's Eve TV Guide

New Year's Eve TV Guide

Here is a listing of Channel 6's schedule for New Year's Eve. 7.00pm. The Greatest Adverts of 2013. Stephen Telly counts down the nation's favourite 50 adverts of the year. Sponsored by Wonga. 9.00pm. Medieval Fantasy Bloodbath. The Count visits a brothel, Sir Nipple has his leg cut off by a dwarf, and Princess Stacey discovers a secret that forces her to boil her husband alive. 10.00pm.
View 'New Year's Eve TV Guide'
Funny story: The bravest pioneer chimponaut

The bravest pioneer chimponaut

In the 1950s, a small group of brave chimps had the adventure of their lifetime. They went to that place where apes often dream of, but where none had ever gone before - outer space. Throughout the decade, it was assumed that chimpanzees would be better suited to space travel than humans, because there is a lack of launderettes away from Earth and chimps don't wear any clothes. At least not usu...
View 'The bravest pioneer chimponaut'
Funny story: Why do the French refuse to adopt the foot?

Why do the French refuse to adopt the foot?

It is a question which has confused generations. Why do the French insist on continuing to use their strange outdated measurements such as the kilometre, the gram and the snail? It seems to be arrogance which prevents them from adopting the British Imperial System, with its far more logical conversions - 12 barleycorns to the hand, 3 hands to the foot, 3 feet to the yard, and 1760 yards to the...
View 'Why do the French refuse to adopt the foot?'
Funny story: TV Guide

TV Guide

Tonight's television is as follows: 6pm. The Fuhrer's Toilet. Documentary about the various toilets that Hitler used throughout his life, and how they could have aided his rise to power. Features disturbing footage of an actual bowl used by the Fuhrer. 7pm. Newsblart. Up to the minute news delivered to your screen in an easily digestive form. With guest presenter David Dickinson. 7.02pm.
View 'TV Guide'

Showing page 1 (of 4 pages)

Breaking News...

George Zimmerman On His Way To Ferguson to Help Darren Wilson

George Zimmerman, who got off on shooting Trayvon Martin in stand your ground Florida, has announced he is on his way to help Darren Wilson, the Missouri cop who shot Michael Brown.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 3?

7 6 15 9


Go to top