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Funny story: Kerry Katona's a bit of a Moaner

Kerry Katona's a bit of a Moaner

Kerry Katona will marry for the third time and has once again hawked her "Special(ish it is the third time) Day" around to as many magazines as she can. Unfortunately for her nobody was stupid enough to pay to see a sham marriage that will last less time than a Gaza ceasefire. Nobody except us. Back and to the Left news bid sixteen pence and a packet of cigarette papers for the honour of interv...
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Funny story: Lana Del What?

Lana Del What?

Lana Del Ray (no, we don't know who she is either) has sensationally admitted to sleeping her way around the music industry. The singer (?) said: "I have slept a lot of guys in the industry but none of them helped me get my record deals." Learning of this amazing news BATTL news hastily arranged a interview with her to find out the truth behind the statement. We also took a guitar along...
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Funny story: Kanye Komplains

Kanye Komplains

After Kanye West was overheard complaining that the toilet paper on the Eurostar train was "too scratchy" for his arse, we tracked him down to find out how much of a bell end he really is. He was carried in on the backs of sixteen golden retrievers while church music was played at an ear splitting volume. A large silver hand descended from the sky (we had been ordered to remove our roof for the...
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Funny story: Champions Of Mumsnet

Champions Of Mumsnet

Back and to the Left news revel in our roles as champions of the people so when we heard about mum of two, Sam Ross, not being allowed into the cinema with her 11 week old daughter we hit the roof! Then we rubbed our heads and decided that getting a house we could stand up in had to be the aim for the year. We met Sam in a park in her home town of Cambridge. Hi Sam and we see you've brought li...
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Funny story: Bath - Debt Capital of the UK

Bath - Debt Capital of the UK

As a group that likes to bring you the most important of issues affecting the UK on a day to day basis, (or whenever we leave the bar long enough to find a lap top and write a story) we're always on the lookout for new cautionary tales. Debt is something that affects us all from student loans (that we have no intention of paying back) to loan shark cash that will eventually result in us losing...
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Funny story: How Does Depression Affect You?

How Does Depression Affect You?

Depression runs freely around our great country like the clap around a university campus. 1/3 people will suffer from a mental health issue at some point in their life also 1/3 of us will be affected by cancer. Let's hope it's not the same people or that'll mean 2/6 (if our fractions are correct) of us will be depressed and have a family member suffering from cancer. That would be unlucky. Today w...
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Funny story: Cowell's Comeback Plan

Cowell's Comeback Plan

It has been well documented that Back and to the Left news has a special relationship with X-Factor creator and eventual dark overlord of space and time, Simon Cowell. Rumours have abounded about the internet that it was in fact a donation of sperm from our reporters that finally gave Simon what he had always wanted. A successor to his throne. We wont commentate on this vicious speculation, no...
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Funny story: Uncle Happy's Interview

Uncle Happy's Interview

Continuing in our series of interviews to do with the "Camp Happy" regional talent show we've just had the pleasure of interviewing the camps owners Uncle Happy! We say pleasure but he arrived four days late, reeking of cheap gin and with what we assumed was a prostitute under his arm. It was unclear as to what the girls role in Uncle Happy's life was, it was either sex or to keep him upright. Pro...
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Funny story: The Camp Review

The Camp Review

Back and to the Left news today will bring you one of our world famous fifty second reviews, nothing is safe from our team of reviewers critical eye. From operatic master pieces to sculptures made primarily of llama excrement. Today's subject is "Uncle Happy's And Aunty Laugh's A lot's Good Time Summer Fun Camp". A fun place to take the family for a summer holiday? Or a nightmarish hellhole with...
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Funny story: The Happy Camp Talent Show Interview Part One

The Happy Camp Talent Show Interview Part One

Back and to the Left news has often tried to bring you the interviews that matter. Ok we weren't able to get you a interview with Kate while she was giving birth but you can't say we didn't try. The fall from the window ledge landed one of our reporters in hospital. However we have decided to give some dedicated coverage to a fantastic local event as Uncle Happy And Aunty Laugh's Summer Time Fun C...
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Funny story: Kerry Katona Tells The

Kerry Katona Tells The

Everyone's favourite car crash celebrity, Kerry Katona, has been declared bankrupt for the second time. Going bankrupt is normally a good sign for a celebrity to fuck off out of sight for a bit so they can get their affairs in order (ditching the cocaine habit) in private. Then come storming back with a tell all autobiography which leaves so little to the imagination you'll feel that you know the...
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Funny story: Looking After Your Pets

Looking After Your Pets

Animal rights groups have brought to BATTL news attention that due to financial constraints more and more people are dumping their pets. This is despicable treatment of a living creature that relys on us for love, support and sustenance. Aren't we as humans supposed to be inventive and adaptable? Weren't we the ones who put a man on the moon and invented Velcro? If we are this all conquering,...
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Funny story: Celebrity Kidnap Plot Foiled

Celebrity Kidnap Plot Foiled

A gang in America has been arrested after plotting to kidnap Justin Bieber and castrate him, thus saving the future world from thousands of "Bieber Baby's" polluting TV with endless reality shows about living in their dad's shadow. Unfortunately the gang involved in the ambitious plot had the combined brain capacity of a bottle of mulled wine and were caught before they could even get in the s...
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Funny story: Public Cash Studies

Public Cash Studies

Scientists love nothing more than wasting public funding on conducting experiments that have conclusions children could have come up with. Back and to the Left news, sick of seeing so much money getting flushed down the toilet, pulled together some of the most meaningless studies science has completed in the past year. Please note this is not a bitter vendetta against the scientific community beca...
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Funny story: Kidney Transplant Leader Dies

Kidney Transplant Leader Dies

The Dr who performed the world's first successful organ transplant surgery in 1954 has died at his home, following a stroke. Before his death Back and to the Left News was able to attain a interview with the great Dr and now that he's dead he cant sue us for publishing it. So Dr Murray it's a great honour to talk to one of the foremost pioneers in modern surgery- The pleasure is all yours I...
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Funny story: Nick Clegg Apologises...Again

Nick Clegg Apologises...Again

The Liberal Democrats have finally come up with a tactic that might see them claw some of their respectability back. Most likely it will just reinforce people's opinions of them (being spineless, EU kissing, wankers) but it might not. Following the success of Nick Clegg's apology over tuition fees they have decided to get him to apologise for other things as well. We at Back and to the Lef...
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Funny story: One Woman's Monkey Mission

One Woman's Monkey Mission

"From the actual jungle to the urban jungle" as David Attenborough would probably say if he was remotely interested in this story. A English married mum of two says she was raised by monkeys in the Colombian jungle. We at Back and to the Left news really wish she had said "gorillas" then we could have made a selection of jokes (and pass them off as journalism) about the paramilitary group Farc whi...
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Funny story: Afghanistan Tactical Shift

Afghanistan Tactical Shift

British defence secretary Philip Hammond has said there will be no change in the current Afghanistan military strategy. Back and to the Left news finds this a little strange as when we do something wrong multiple times we change our tactics. The difference is if we do something wrong it doesn't cost the arms, legs and lives of people. "Our tactics in Afghanistan are spot on and I defy anybo...
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Funny story: Fake medical doctors on the increase and causing harm to millions of citizens

Fake medical doctors on the increase and causing harm to millions of citizens

Back and to the Left news has discovered that nearly 34% of men and 59% of women may have been treated by a bogus DR. We discovered this during our prostate exam; our suspicions were raised when asked to leave a tip. So as responsible journalists for a number of respectable magazines (Winos Weekly to name but one) we decided to make a quick checklist to make sure you don't fall into a fake Doctors...
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Funny story: According to science: Giraffes = AIDS

According to science: Giraffes = AIDS

A scientist presented Back and to the Left news with a startling ultimatum today. He said: "Exotic pets should be banned because they are contributing to the rise in exotic diseases in our country." He was wearing glasses so we knew instantly he was serious. He took them off and cleaned them with his faded "Skid Row" shirt. We sat in silence for a good twenty minute before we remembered this...
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Funny story: Give 'em The Vote

Give 'em The Vote

David "I've got a selection of shit ideas" Cameron has stated sixteen year olds may be given the vote. He said: "Greater consideration must be given to the young people of this country. They must be represented in their Parliament as we make decisions that fuck their lives up, as much as older people. Giving the vote to sixteen year olds is something we should spend hours, weeks or maybe even m...
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Funny story: Cheryl Chats about Upcoming Tour

Cheryl Chats about Upcoming Tour

In October the music world is to be shocked as the greatest rock and roll mime act of all time is to hit our shores, with a show that will blow the hair off your balls. Cheryl Cole (we will have to refer to her like this because otherwise no-one has a clue who she is) will be strutting her stuff in energetic dance routines all over the country. Despite an obvious glitch in the tour managem...
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