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Funny story: Former Eagles Coach Andy Reid is Danny Ozark With Bigger Tits

Former Eagles Coach Andy Reid is Danny Ozark With Bigger Tits

Andy Reid is (former Phillies Manager) Danny Ozark with a different-shaped ball. And huge, pendulous boobs. I am So SICK of hearing that Andy Reid is the winningest coach in Eagles' history. That speaks more to longevity than accomplishment.  Fred Bruney has a perfect winning record as Eagles coach, he never lost a game. Want him back? Rich Kotite has a better post-season win/loss record...
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Funny story: Hurricane Sandy Takes Gigantic Shit On US East Coast and It's All Your Fault.

Hurricane Sandy Takes Gigantic Shit On US East Coast and It's All Your Fault.

Hurricane Sandy Takes Gigantic Shit On US East Coast and It's All Your Fault. 1) Browbeating Jersey Shore cast members and Jersey Mike's via Twitter isn't the same as actually helping fellow New Jerseyans.  2) I wish I was as motivated to be a community advocate and humanitarian even if there weren't flattened houses in my neighborhood. That's a character defect I intend to rectify.  3)...
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Funny story: If Hurricane Sandy Kills, The Blood Will Be On TV Weather Reporters' Hands

If Hurricane Sandy Kills, The Blood Will Be On TV Weather Reporters' Hands

If Hurricane Sandy causes death in the next two days, God forbid, TV meteorologists will have blood on their hands. "Catastrophic damage," "historic," "worst-case scenario": Death and destruction all but guaranteed to all within broadcast range. For a week in 2011, you told us how Hurricane Irene was to deliver us the End of Days, and she turned out to be nothing special. And now people a...
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Funny story: A Brief Procedural History Of The Grace Lee Right-to-die Case, Written As An R-Rated Play For Second Graders.

A Brief Procedural History Of The Grace Lee Right-to-die Case, Written As An R-Rated Play For Second Graders.

A BRIEF PROCEDURAL HISTORY OF THE GRACE LEE CASE, WRITTEN AS AN R-RATED PLAY FOR SECOND-GRADERS. Grace: Kill me. Grace's parents: No, it's a sin. Grace: Fuck you. Kill me. Grace's parents: No, you'll burn in Hell, forever. Grace: Fuck you, I'll ask a Judge. Grace: Judge, let 'em kill me. Grace's parents: No, don't, Judge. it's a sin. Judge: Fuck you. Doctors? Kill her.
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Funny story: Three Huzzahs and Three 'Fuck You's for the Season Premiere of Sons Of Anarchy.

Three Huzzahs and Three 'Fuck You's for the Season Premiere of Sons Of Anarchy.

Three Huzzahs and Three 'F--k You's for the Season Premiere of Sons Of Anarchy.  HUZZAH - Casting Jimmy Smitt's real-life wife Wanda De Jesus (pictured). Ladies and gentlemen, that picture was taken when Ms. De Jesus was 54. YUM! And, yes, @nicole, I know she looks like my mother. Like that doesn't creep me out.  HUZZAH- Harold Perrineau, one of my top-5 favorite actors ever (wheelchair guy...
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Funny story: Three Huzzahs and Three 'F--k You's for Sons Of Anarchy.

Three Huzzahs and Three 'F--k You's for Sons Of Anarchy.

Three Huzzahs and Three 'F--k You's for the Season Premiere of Sons Of Anarchy.  HUZZAH - Casting Jimmy Smitt's real-life wife Wanda De Jesus (pictured). Ladies and gentlemen, that picture was taken when Ms. De Jesus was 54. YUM! And, yes, @nicole, I know she looks like my mother. Like that doesn't creep me out.  HUZZAH- Harold Perrineau, one of my top-5 favorite actors ever (wheelchair guy...
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Funny story: 11th Anniversary of 9/11: Why Don't You Know About The South Tower Four?

11th Anniversary of 9/11: Why Don't You Know About The South Tower Four?

On this, the 11th Anniversary Of 9/11, I wonder; why don't you know that, despite Stairwell A in the South Tower of the World Trade Center being intact after the plane crash, only four people above the impact site used it to escape.  Four. Out of approximately 500. Because the story isn't sexy, and it casts a bad light upon those who we've canonized as heroes.  Indeed, only 20 people esc...
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Funny story: Retail Theory 101: We Deliver Great Customer Service. So, Please Wipe Your Ass With Our Merchandise. Part 1.

Retail Theory 101: We Deliver Great Customer Service. So, Please Wipe Your Ass With Our Merchandise. Part 1.

The current state of retail customer service in the United States is such that one can go into any retail chain in the country, take a shit on the floor in the middle of the Seasonal section, and the Store Manager will feel obligated to bring you a Wet-Nap.* The answer, BTW? Ames, Bradlees, Caldor, Cornet, Gemci, G. C. Murphy, Rite-Aid, H.L.Greens, Hudson Brothers, Eckerds, Korvettes, J.G. McCrory...
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Funny story: Orb-Web Spider's Removable Penis Finishes Without Him. Lucky Orb-Spider.

Orb-Web Spider's Removable Penis Finishes Without Him. Lucky Orb-Spider.

Orb-Web Spider's Removable Penis Finishes Without Him. Lucky Orb-Spider. Dig if you will a picture: It's 6:30AM. You have 45 minutes to shit, shower and shave before you trudge off to the job that is slowly sucking your life-force away. Ripping Your Own Yogurt Chucker Off, Mid-hump, Makes As Much Sense... ... as calling a story with no actual names "too defamatory". Sadly, both happen more...
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Funny story: How 'Luther' Could Change American Television Forever.

How 'Luther' Could Change American Television Forever.

If you have an hour to spare find the BBC One show 'Luther' on Netflix. Select any one of the first five episodes, and watch it, uninterrupted. Thereafter, I defy you to watch any pablum-plain, uninspired, saccarine, dumbed-down, bullshit American cop drama, and declare it better than this show. And, while eautifully photographed (on film, it appears; not videotape), masterfully scored...
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Funny story: UK Bans XXX Squirting Videos While Americans Laugh, FAP, Reupholster.

UK Bans XXX Squirting Videos While Americans Laugh, FAP, Reupholster.

Fresh from England, the country that can't figure out how to merge cold and hot water in one tap, or safely install electrical outlets in a bathroom, comes the news that all pornographic "squirting" movies are banned in the UK, claiming that, instead of showing female ejaculation, it is in reality depicting "golden showers" or "Piss-Play"(1). "Since the NHS(2) has reported that there is no such...
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Funny story: Explaining The Coolidge Effect -or- Why Arnold F--ked That Ugly Chick.

Explaining The Coolidge Effect -or- Why Arnold F--ked That Ugly Chick.

Story #1: One afternoon, President and Mrs. Coolidge were touring a government-owned farm. the couple split up to tour different sections. While walking past the chicken coops, Mrs. Coolidge noticed one particular rooster mating over and over and over. "How often does that rooster mate?" she asked, ostensibly while trying to ignore her dampening bloomers. "Many times a day, to be hone...
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Funny story: Dear Jewish Friends, When the Rapture Begins on May 21st...

Dear Jewish Friends, When the Rapture Begins on May 21st...

Dear Jewish Friends: When the Rapture begins on May 21st, you guys get to go first. (Not sure how you people worked that out, what with you guys not believing that Christ is our savior, and then killing him and all. I'm not sure how that works, but, ya know, whatevs. I guess the lawyers were working overtime on that deal, huh?) Do us a favor and save us some seats? I gotta get the kids dress...
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Funny story: Ray J Goes From Kim Kardashian To Skeletor's Mom, Danielle Staub

Ray J Goes From Kim Kardashian To Skeletor's Mom, Danielle Staub

Third-tier rapper Ray J. has admitted to sampling both ends of the Poon-spectrum, after it was discovered that he is now sliding the sausage into waxy meathole Danielle Staub. Ray J., 30, who rose to fame via his sex tape with Celebutard Kim Kardashian, and Real Housewives of New Jersey cast-member Staub, 62 --who also victimized pornwatchers with her own hideous sex tape, were spotted canood...
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Funny story: Today I Told My Daughters: Osama bin Laden is Dead.

Today I Told My Daughters: Osama bin Laden is Dead.

I guess I'll always remember last night: I was lying on my stomach in bed, my 2-year-old Gabriella asleep between my knees, when I read my friend's Facebook post: "Osama bin Laden is dead." I was in Watchung, NJ on September 11th, 2001, working. My entire staff was huddled around the TV; as many of them furious as were incredulous. One of my best friends was in New York City at the time, and I...
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Funny story: I Poked somebody on Facebook and now...

I Poked somebody on Facebook and now...

I Poked somebody on Facebook and now... ‎...my finger has a cottage cheese-like discharge. ‎...Angelina Pivarnick is pregnant. ‎...I'll never wash this finger again. ...they want me to Google all over their Twitter. Thanks to... ...the comedy stylings of Ryan Inverso and Rich Weiss.... I'm embarrassed that I said, 'wouldn't be the first time I Poked her' out loud. In front of my kids...
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Funny story: An Excerpt From "The Very First Summer of Rebecca Emmons" Part Six.

An Excerpt From "The Very First Summer of Rebecca Emmons" Part Six.

An excerpt From "The Very First Summer of Rebecca Emmons," a novel by Anthony Rosania. But I'm not experienced. They had sex with her because they could. No other reason. Miss Sommers had sex with the girl because it was daring and different and wrong, and because she could. The girl knew that. She did not kid herself about it. With all of them, the ones she remembered, she had felt, then,...
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Funny story: The Obvious, Binary Opposition to Attendance is Truancy OR How Doc Saved My Life. (Part 1)

The Obvious, Binary Opposition to Attendance is Truancy OR How Doc Saved My Life. (Part 1)

As I recall, I was grounded for most of Reagan's first Presidential term. I was a "F--k Up", so my mother seared into my psyche as if branding a cow. In light of this fact, attendance in school would have cut great swaths in the time I had to socialize. Recognizing that there were only two available choices, and that the obvious binary opposition to attendance at school is truancy, I decided t...
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Funny story: Buffon's Needle Proves That God = π. OR Randomness Can Not Exist.

Buffon's Needle Proves That God = π. OR Randomness Can Not Exist.

Write the following statements on a rock: Randomness Does not Exist. The Key To The Unified Field Theory, And God Himself, is Pi. Buffon's Needle --easily one of the oldest tests of randomness, and problems in the field of geometrical probability-- yields one of the most amazing things this writer has ever seen. Because from the so-called random output of the test, the same result can consis...
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Funny story: The Comedy Entertainers Pecking Order

The Comedy Entertainers Pecking Order

1.: Revered, dead comics: Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx, Carlin, etc. 2.: A-List movie comics: Jim Carrey, Sandler, Stiller, etc. 3.: A-List TV comics: Seinfeld, Steve Carell, etc. 4.: A-List Stand-up Comics: Chris Rock... Uh, Chris Rock. 5.: Local-Regional stand-up comics. 6.: Comedy book writers 7.: TV writers 8.: Radio comics (O&A, Stern, etc.) 9.: That guy in your offic...
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Funny story: 6 Successful Italian Americans You Don't Know Sh-t About (Part 2)

6 Successful Italian Americans You Don't Know Sh-t About (Part 2)

How do you make a Dago successful in business? Give him a gun! Bwaa, haa, haa. That is f--king hysterical! 6 Successful Italian Americans You Don't Know Sh-t About (Part 2) 2.) Amadeo Giannini (1870 - 1949) founder in 1904 of Bank of Italy, which later became Bank of America, the largest bank in the United States. Amadeo Giannini --whose parents were Italian immigrants from Favale di Ma...
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Funny story: 6 Successful Italian Americans You Don't Know Sh-t About (Part 1)

6 Successful Italian Americans You Don't Know Sh-t About (Part 1)

How do you make a Dago successful in business? Give him a gun! Bwaa, haa, haa. That is f--king hysterical! Here's six Italian-Americans who succeeded in business without having their competitors killed, the body thrown in a cement mixer, and poured into the foundation of a Howard Johnson's. (Because, ya know, that's what happened to that f--ker Hoffa. We all know where he is. We just can't tell...
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Showing page 1 (of 6 pages)

Breaking News...

Style Maven/Ex-Con Stewart Announces Her Latest For the Holiday

Stewart today touted her rollout of MarthaGoblers--designer turkeys for the Thanksgiving feast. MarthaGoblers are available in various skin-tone shades from Titian Brown to Chirascuro Noir and Blanc
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