1. You think 'your' thoughts are worse than anybody else's. You have not thought about where 'your' thoughts have come from.
2. You are scared the people you respect and who respect you may find out and abandon you.
3. Killing people is okay, you believe, and your favourite movies are all about heroes and the relentless murder they bring.
4. You think sex is love because that is what they...
(1) You pick up speed. You find yourself singing "Where have all the flowers gone?" at taxi ramps. Or, "When I was twenty-one it was a very good year...." . People hide their children and move away from you because they think you have Ebola.
(2) Girls don't find you attractive any more. They call you "an interesting man" but only to strangers who wonder how you can walk unaided, the way an astr...
If you spot one of the following signs you need to have a long talk with your partner. If you spot more than two you should pack your things immediately and take a long holiday. If you spot all ten, and are still alive and living with your partner, you should seek urgent, psychiatric help.
1."Shouts of "Stop it! Stop it!" coming from your bedroom. And when you open the door you find her reading...
THE TOP TEN BEST SELLING SINGLES OF ALL TIME ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. If you leave me, I will kill myself.
2. If you don't leave me, I will kill myself.
3. I can't live without you. Until I get over it.
4. I would want to kill you if you ever left me but, as I am such a nice guy, I must spare you.
5. The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the Sun rose in your eyes. Now that you've...
American insurance salesman James Henry Galbraith thought it was just another tedious return home from the three-week business conference he had attended in London. It wasn't. A Heathrow customs official found a bottle of whiskey in his holdall.
"I'm sorry Sir but I have to confiscate this."
"Aw... come on buddy. Gimme a break! I always take a bottle home to the wife."
Satan Conference in Hollywood.
On this occasion, The Prince of Darkness used actor Christopher Walken as his channel. After a little dance routine, to the immense amusement of the packed audience, Mr. Walken took up position on his golden throne centre-stage looking resplendent in a tux, and fingering a gold-topped malacca. He mopped his sweating forehead with a red, silk hankie before beginnin...
This Weeks Top 20 Hollywood Movies.
1. It's Okay to Murder Dark People.
2. Killing the Innocent is Fun.
3. How to Kill a Thousand People Before You Get The Bad Guy.
4. Teenage Terrorist Nympho on Speed.
5. Terror And Sex Part 12.
6. Terror Stalks The White House at Night.
7. A Blonde Swedish Terrorist with Big Tits in New York... at Night.
8. The Tibetan Monk Terrorist.
9. War on Terriers...
THIS WEEK'S BEST SELLING RECORDS.
1. Now I Must Die. Help me... Please! Please! Please!
2. Tomorrow I Must die. Or... the day after.
3 Stop Hurting me. Please... Please... before I kill you.
4. Without You, what is the use of Living?
5. If You Go Away I will die from dope or alcohol, just to Please you.
6. I Can't Live with or Without you. I am a Freemason.
7. If you go Away, so mu...
The following story is indebted to Anthony de Mello.
"Merde" (real name Jean) Wilson was a knock-kneed youth with freckles that never left him until the day he died. He had red hair and crooked teeth and, despite his six feet in stature, never lost his slim build. His eyesight was none too good either; he wore thick glasses all his life.
The boy's parents both died when their car spun off...
We met Dr. Henry Kissinger during a brief visit to Washington's Grand Masonic Lodge where he was guest of honour recently for his sterling work on behalf of the New World Order.
We asked him some searching questions:
"Is it true that you were a Soviet Spy?"
He laughed: "No, of course not. The rumour came about because I was giving military secrets to the Soviet Union."
"How do you loo...
A Badminton Club's committee in Clapham South London is outraged at its possible political connections. Lately, against stern opposition from "myriad sources", said its chairman Alex Batwood, "we decided to form a new committee. After all, none of us knew who these people were. They just appeared out of nowhere."
Set up earlier this year by The Young Group it seemingly had no idea of its paren...
A new computer program called "SIMILAR2" has been devised by a leading publishing agency in London. Arnold Galbraith, the inventor, and rumoured to be a 33rd Degree Freemason whose father was allegedly a Jesuit priest in charge of Vatican Publicity, told our "Nabbed" reporter:
"We developed SIMILAR2 for our own writers. Basically, all writing is a matter of ideas, so we figured to help people...
"The Queen's 2013 Ascot Gold Cup heroine Estimate has tested positive for the banned substance morphine, Buckingham Palace has announced." (News broadcast July/22/2014).
An Interview with Prince Charles, courtesy of the popular investigative magazine "Nabbed".
Prince Charles seated in the Windsor reading room beneath a large painting of an Arabian horse by Freemason George Stubbs seemed qui...
Paddy O'Flynn had had enough it seems. He had decided to apply to his local housing authority for help with his rent having vacated his old house and moved into a rented apartment in Clapham Common, South London. That is where his troubles began.
His wife Caitlin takes up the story.
"They sent him a form to fill in. It was thick as the London Times. For three months he tried to figure it o...
In a weird survey conducted by Harvard's Neuroscience Department some interesting findings are being discussed. College and University students were asked to list in descending order WHO THEY WOULD LEAST WANT TO BE AS THEY BREATHED THEIR LAST. The most recurring choices were...
1. Henry Kissinger.
2. Barack Obama
3. George Bush Senior.
4. George Bush Junior.
5. Donald Rumsfeld.
6. Tony Bla...
A new drug has been developed to combat what its manufacturers' claim is an increasing rise in what it calls "conspiracy theory syndrome". We went along to F.U. Pharamceuticals in Baltimore to interview leading research scientist there Dr. Hugh.B.Still.
I asked the doctor:
"Do you believe there is a need for this drug?"
"Our research shows that the need is overwhelming. We see the syndrom...
A new law has been passed in Washington. Nobody with assets of less than $50 million will henceforth be allowed to stand for political office.
President Obama has announced the move as a "triumph for democracy".
George Bush said it was "long overdue" and is a welcome move in the "war against terrorism". Pope Francis has sent a telegram of congratulations saying "God and the Banco Ambrosian...
Dick Cheney has announced in a recent press conference attended exclusively by newspapers friendly to the president that Tibet was now on the list of America's known terrorists. Said Mr. Cheney:
"We have reliable evidence that Tibetan yak farmers have been smuggling weapons of mass destruction via their flocks into neighbouring Nepal. Nepal, as you know, has been a sworn enemy of the United S...
This special Bilderberg Conference was held in Madrid at the request of Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy.
Officiating as usual was Satan. Compere was Jimmy Savile. Musical interlude was supplied by the late Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Elvis and Sammy Davis. Drinks were served by Obama Bin Laden.
Seated regally on his golden throne wearing his black silk cloak, feet on desk and fingering his mala...
Los Angeles: Psychologists at LA's Psychological Research Unit have come up with a new view of schizophrenia.
Explained Dr. Ty Polar:
"It would seem to us that schizophrenia is more a socially/family conditioning phenomenon and not, as we presupposed, a genetic fault. In our Post Modernist world, alternative views of reality are axiomatic. Alternative ways of seeing things are prevalent in...
It was the first thing I noticed as the beautiful Pamela his secretary led me in, the view from the many tall windows, the whole of Manhattan. The second thing was the massive desk, must have weighed a ton or more and looked like an altar. Then there were the paintings, Hockney, Smart, Dobell, Jasper Johns; I figured they had something in common but didn't know at the time what it was. Cabinets ev...
It is over a year now and bookies throughout the UK are rubbing their hands with glee over their book on the Jimmy Savile case. Many of their odds were based on a 12 months period. Apparently they cleaned up.
As you may recall some of their odds were as follows...
(1) Investigation will plod along until the media are ordered from on high to dumb it down out of existence and to "pursue it no...