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Funny story: Science Unlocks the Mysteries of Sexual Attraction

Science Unlocks the Mysteries of Sexual Attraction

Science proves what turns men on in women. It seems men check out women along the lines of reproductive fitness assessment. The five winning female traits are. 1. Wide Waist to Hips Ratio. Tarzan thinks: those big hips could pop out a dozen versions of me in a dozen years. I could have my own soccer team. 2. A High Pitched Voice. Tarzan thinks: I could make her squeal like a pig and al...
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Funny story: Five Mistakes you Should Never Make at Work

Five Mistakes you Should Never Make at Work

1. Showing up there, unless you want to or need to. 2. Allowing yourself to be pissed upon from a great height by your boss. He/she is not your parent. He/ she doesn't know you. They only imagine they do. That is how they got to be boss in the first place. Like David Cameron got to be PM. 'Knows' everybody, does David. 3. Misunderstanding the true nature of the...
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Funny story: Scientists Discover How to "Turn a Woman On"

Scientists Discover How to "Turn a Woman On"

This is actually for real, an article recently reported in askmen.com. "Touch a woman's arm, give her a hug or make long eye contact with her if you want to increase your chances of turning her on. Show her your caring side, and prove that nice guys can sometimes finish first." So were the latest findings of that august institution devoted to human happiness and freedom ... The Rockefeller U...
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Funny story: How Modern Art was Born

How Modern Art was Born

Many high-falutin' theories have been put forward as to the origins of modern art with its smoke-and-mirrors baloney authenticated and promoted by the nefarious ruling class doctrine they call "Post Modernism" which goes "be as mad as you want for nobody is sane". You know what 'great' art is because it offends little old ladies. Damien Hirst and friends are among its most lucrative aficionados.
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Funny story: Hotel Kathmandu - New Movie.

Hotel Kathmandu - New Movie.

Hotel Kanthmandu is the new movie starring Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Alyvia Alyn Lind is due for release next month. Here is a preview. Dr. Peter Tumble (Brad) is an eminent seismologist working for The U.S. Geological Survey (USGS). He is married to successful fiction writer Janine Prowling. The union alas is childless. And they are experiencing additional stress in their marriage for...
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Funny story: None of Your Goddam Business!

None of Your Goddam Business!

Two strangers meet in a bar and get to talking. The following 'conversation' took place. 1. What is your name? 2. Mathew. 1. Mother's maiden name? 2. Coyle. 1. Where do you live? 2. I live in Madison Drive, Wisconsin. 1. If I said I wanted an aerial photo of your house what would you say? 2. Where I live is none of your business. 1. If I asked you how you got it, when you got it...
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Funny story: TheSpoof.com Dead Right Again!

TheSpoof.com Dead Right Again!

Here is a verbatim report from an article in a leading British Paper. We are not making this up. This is actually what it said: "Sex scandal Labour grandee Lord Janner has been probed over ­allegations he was part of a ­Westminster paedophile ring. The Met police spent six months investigating claims the peer - said to be too frail from dementia to be prosecuted - was a guest at London sex a...
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Funny story: Snoring... More Deadly than Ebola.

Snoring... More Deadly than Ebola.

Scientists in Britain have found that heavy snoring or "sleep apnoea" can lead to psychopathic serial killing, paedophilia, joining the Freemasons and persuading entire nations to go to war against targeted little countries like Iraq that are rich in resources and helpless in defence. Notable heavy snorers were Caligula, Hitler, Rip Van Winkle, Julius Caesar, Marlene Dietrich, Doris Day, Pope...
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Funny story: 10 Signs You May be in a Bad Marriage

10 Signs You May be in a Bad Marriage

1. He beats you up. 2. He doesn't beat you up. If he really loved you he would beat you up like your first husband... whom you should never have left but had to... because he beat you up. 3. You are not Jane enough to his Tarzan. 4. He is not Tarzan enough to your Jane. 5. He only married you for your money. 6. She only married you for your money. 7. He lusts after other women.
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Funny story: 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

In a survey conducted in twenty American prisons concerning the relationship between crime and marriage break-up, it was concluded that one of the main problems in relationships was language. Communication problems all devolved to the contrary understanding of the meaning of words. The comprehension of words however was mediated by false beliefs and values that were inherently pernicious or i...
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Funny story: 10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date

10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date

1. I left my wallet at home. 2. Gee, you remind me of my mother. 3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass. 4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan. 5. Love is not sex. 6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do? 7. If I was a woman I'd sta...
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Funny story: US Lottery Winner Chops Off Finger

US Lottery Winner Chops Off Finger

One Sunday morning in Spring, David O'Malley interior decorator living alone in a run-down apartment in New York woke from a royal Irish hangover and set about reviving himself. Long since divorced from a childless marriage he had been living alone for over twenty years in bondage to a life of routine hard graft, restless sleep and the ritual weekend binges with his work mates in The Black Sham...
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Funny story: Questions the Enlightened Student Must Ask.

Questions the Enlightened Student Must Ask.

1. Why was it never explained to us at school how and why the banks rule the world and have put politicians in power to help them? 2. Why did they lie to me by getting me to believe that if I created something wonderful or excellent that I would be guaranteed success? This is false I now know. A mediocre talent well connected to the right people is more likely to become a success than a genius...
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Funny story: The Freemasons' Blind Servitude Awards 2015

The Freemasons' Blind Servitude Awards 2015

The Freemasons' Annual Blind Servitude Awards to be conducted at Buckingham Palace by Prince Michael of Kent Grand Wizard of the Royal Ark Lodge will take place on 22nd April. The nominees for The awards that are divided into categories are as follows: (1) Music. Lady Gaga. Justin Bieber. Bono of U2. (2) Film. Clint Eastwood. Quentin Tarantino. (3) Media. CNN. BBC. (4) Literature. J.K.
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Funny story: The Unhappy Famous

The Unhappy Famous

Suicide bombers' favourite magazine "What-Makes-U-Tick" recently did a biographical study of the rich and famous. It is soon to be made into a fifteen part Television Series by CNN. It appears that few, if any of them, were actually happy with their station in life. Envied by millions all over the world, yet they felt they would have been much happier as somebody else. The article titled "...
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Funny story: Want to be Rich?

Want to be Rich?

In a recent survey of successful people UR-FUKT Magazine discovered what it takes to really "be somebody". Business editor Eileen Dover said she was amazed at just how many beliefs the rich and powerful had in common, many of them held with passionate conviction. So here is a compilation of ten of their responses for your inspiration. 1. Never give a sucker an even break. You do people...
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Funny story: Ten Things You Didn't Know About Guinness

Ten Things You Didn't Know About Guinness

1. Africans are black because they drink the stuff. 2. Guinness doesn't travel well. You drink enough of it you will be lucky to make it to the bathroom. 3. It is referred to fondly in Ireland as "liquid viagra". 4. Guinness taken in sufficient quantities produces all the affects of Oscar Wilde. 5. Irish bookmakers give free Guinness to all their customers; but they must drink at least...
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Funny story: How to Know if You are Brainwashed

How to Know if You are Brainwashed

How many of these insane beliefs have you bought into? If you are afflicted with one you are in bad shape. If you are afflicted with more than one you are a zombie. Here is the belief system of the brainwashed commonly called 'culture'. It gets piped into your brain, wherever you are... 24/7. (1). Government is set up for your welfare. That is why it is not allowed to print its own money. Y...
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Funny story: Hugh Hefner Liquefies

Hugh Hefner Liquefies

America woke up this morning to the news that their global sex guru Hugh Hefner had passed away. It is not so much the fact of his passing, for he was approaching his 89th birthday on April... but the manner. Our reporter for "U2R-FKD" followed the story. His housemaid for this month Eileen Dover who wishes to be known simply as "Miss February" broke the news. "Well, I went up to his bedroom as...
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Funny story: Ten Tips for a Healthy and Happy Life

Ten Tips for a Healthy and Happy Life

Magazine UR-FKD's Health & Fitness Section has listed the following tips for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Several food chains and media outlets are threatening to sue the editor. 1. Understand the world is run by crooked, greedy people who think they are 'superior' to you and because the are 'superior' to you they actually own the world and everything in it... including you. You and yo...
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Funny story: God Speaks to Earth from Heaven

God Speaks to Earth from Heaven

Last night, the whole of Europe was brought to a standstill when, exactly at midnight, a white-haired, bearded figure appeared on every television set on the continent. Crowds poured out of pubs and restaurants, many of them hysterical; public transport came to a halt as millions gathered in city squares and churches. The Pope appealed for calm; but nobody was listening to him. The followi...
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Funny story: Ten Worst Things to say to Your Therapist

Ten Worst Things to say to Your Therapist

1. I don't know why I'm here. 2. How do I know you are not crazier than me? 3. There is no such thing as the unconscious. 4. I'll pay you if I get cured. 5. Who was the crazier between Freud and Jung? 6. I don't want prescribed any drugs. 7. My daddy is a psychotherapist. That's why I'm here. 8. I think politicians should be psychologically tested before they stand for office...
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Breaking News...

Hungarian President Beaten To Death By All Male Mob For Criticizing Internet Porn

Hungary's President was killed by a mob, angry over rumors that he thought internet porn "unbecoming." He has been replaced with a dictator and all of his political allies shot.
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