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Funny story: Savile Inquiry - Bookies Tighten the Odds

Savile Inquiry - Bookies Tighten the Odds

Bookies in the UK are now taking a more level headed approach to the Jimmy Savile inquiry and are offering the following odds in the case. Odds Against politicians appearing in the dock on paedophilia charges resulting from inquiry. (1) One politician appearing.... 33/1. (2) Two politicians appearing... 50/1. (3) More than two... 1000/1. (4) Member of the cabinet appearing...2000/1. (5)...
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Funny story: Bookies Offering New Odds on Armageddon

Bookies Offering New Odds on Armageddon

Several UK Bookmakers have spread their interest in the latest developments in the Savile case. They are now offering odds on the following: (1) Many Freemasons and some of those who run their organization particularly those living in Scotland are corrupt. 1/10 (2) Many lawyers and barristers operating in the UK and some judges and their peers are corrupt. 1/10 (3) Many working in the Sec...
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Funny story: Bookies' odds on Jimmy Savile case - place bets now!

Bookies' odds on Jimmy Savile case - place bets now!

Bookmakers throughout Britain have opened a book on the investigation into the Jimmy Savile affair. They are offering odds on the following. (1) Investigation will plod along until the media are ordered from on high to dumb it down out of existence and to "pursue it no further" blah, blah, blah and it simply disappears as the public are lulled back into televisual narcosis. 3/1 (2) Invest...
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Funny story: Rowling's New Book

Rowling's New Book

Speculation is rife as to the plot of J.K. Rowling's new book for adults. Her first editor Barry Cunningham was unavailable for comment. Ian Rankin, friend of Rowling's and Scotland's most renowned thriller writer was also unavailable for comment. Geoffrey Archer was not available for comment either. Just who her present editor is remains a mystery. However, in a recent poll among the UK's leading...
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Funny story: New Scotland Yard investigation a red herring?

New Scotland Yard investigation a red herring?

Here is an interview with Chief Superintendent Hamish McSporrin leading the recently re-opened investigation of the Maddie McCann case by Scotland Yard. In line for a knighthood some say, Mr.Sporrin, a graduate of Edinburgh University, was once a director of MI5. The investigation was launched by Prime Minister David Cameron. Q: The British public are of course paying for this investigation so...
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Funny story: Lucifer Chairs Bilderberg Conference

Lucifer Chairs Bilderberg Conference

The annual Bilderberg meeting comprising the most powerful men on the planet is currently under way at a secret location in Italy. This conference draws up and implements policies for ruling the world. Resolutions are voted on and passed to world leaders. A Bilderberg conference conceived and launched the EEC. Chairing this years meeting is Lucifer himself. Hence the manic secrecy concerning wh...
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Funny story: "The Perfect Gentleman" Survey

"The Perfect Gentleman" Survey

A survey was recently conducted throughout colleges in Europe and America to find out the world's PERFECT GENTLEMAN past and present. Females of all ages, mostly in the 18-30 group were asked to read biographical material on a list of twenty subjects. Physical descriptions were kept to a minimum to hide the subjects' identities. Candidates were asked to mark in terms of (1) looks (2) sex appe...
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Funny story: NEQUOIA - a Cure at Last!

NEQUOIA - a Cure at Last!

After 'bipolar' comes a new mental disorder - NEQUOIA. Comes from the Latin "nequeo" meaning "to be impossible". To find out what it was all about I called on Dr. Fritz Krakkers at his clinic in Los Angeles where he and his team do research for several government agencies on mental abnormalities and their cures. His office overlooks the luscious lawns of a nearby golf course and contains all t...
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Funny story: Come back Ned Kelly!

Come back Ned Kelly!

Cork Examiner: In an interview with secretary to the British Minister for Foreign Relations surprising revelations have been made with regards to Australia. Constantine Pertwee who has been secretary to a number of Ministers in the department was frank and forthcoming to our reporter Paddy Reilly in a recent in-depth interview. Here is an extract. R: So, what exactly is the present government's...
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Funny story: Uproar in the House of Commons

Uproar in the House of Commons

There was uproar in the House of Commons last Wednesday during question time. The question put by Patrick Freeman seemed to many, naive and out of sync with the House's pragmatic approach to questions of governance; but its effect was undeniable. He had asked if government would take active measures to curb "national gullibility" in the wake of a general world wide acknowledgement of the...
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Funny story: The Dalai Lama's Boot Camp called "Transience"

The Dalai Lama's Boot Camp called "Transience"

I am Theo Seemore, editor of "Oculus" a magazine devoted to enlightenment. Recently I traveled to Poona in India to meet with The Dalai Lama. I was interested in the clinic he had established there and which he runs with his monks. Called "Transience" it deals with an unusual type of invalid, one which we in the West do not consider an invalid at all. I met Tibet's great spiritual leader in hi...
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Funny story: Entertainment Laid On for the Royal Wedding

Entertainment Laid On for the Royal Wedding

Prior to their departure for a two-week honeymoon in Blackpool the royal couple Prince Willam and Kate and guests will be entertained by some of the world's top perforrmers during their wedding banquet. On the list are: Satan; who will give a rendition of "God Save the Queen" on the didgeridoo, his favourite instrument. Bono and U2, blasting out some of their biggest hits including the...
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Funny story: Those Unable to Attend the Royal Wedding

Those Unable to Attend the Royal Wedding

Excuses, excuses! From Rolfo Toiletto, Master of Ceremony for the royal wedding - the editor of "Crack" (magazine devoted to the lifestyles of the aristocracy) managed to secure a list of all those who will not be attending the royal wedding and their excuses. Here are some of them: Germaine Greer: "I can hardly support my tits these days let alone the drooping institution of marriage." Sir...
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Funny story: Male Equality League Publishes Manifesto

Male Equality League Publishes Manifesto

The Male Equality Alliance League (MEAL) that boasts some very prominent figures including many politicians and has a list of over two million members has just published its Manifesto. To qualify for membership you have to be divorced and been out of a relationship for at least six months. The aim of MEAL is to protect men in relationships from violent or destructive partners. Lance Sidebottom...
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Funny story: Pope Sues Over Poster

Pope Sues Over Poster

"The advert is deeply offensive to millions of Catholics" was the main objection coming from the Vatican. What advert? The offensive billboard displayed throughout Italy and beyond depicts Pope Benedict on a golf links wearing a striped tee-shirt and tartan knickerbockers. We see him waving his putter in the air and leaping for joy as the ball is about to drop into the hole at the 12th. In the...
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Funny story: At last - An Irish Sex Manual!

At last - An Irish Sex Manual!

The first Irish sex instructional manual written by an Irishman has just been launched in Dublin and looks set to be a best seller. Actress Helen Mirren said she was sure it was what the country needed even though she had not yet had a chance to read it. But, she said, "Irish men are the best lovers in the world. They may not say much but they sure as hell know what they want." Written by an e...
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Funny story: Interview with "Hitman's" Scriptwriter

Interview with "Hitman's" Scriptwriter

A sequel to the blockbuster "Hitman" starring Timothy Olyphant as Agent 47 has just finished filming. Our film editor Les Mitty interviewed co-author Tex Grabbit for this month's edition of The Ego. Les found Tex alone by his swimming pool in Los Angeles. A big cigar-smoking man in his fifties wearing a face that had lived a dozen lives, the celebrated scriptwriter lazed in a low whicker cha...
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Funny story: Charlie Sheen Recants

Charlie Sheen Recants

Charlie Sheen, as expected, climbed down from his ego-maniacal horse earlier today. After a meeting with his father Martin and studio executives, in the course of which it was spelt out in great detail what he stood to lose as a man and an actor, Sheen saw the error of his ways. The following is a transcript of an interview with Larry King to be screened tonight. Charlie will also be appearing...
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Funny story: Hugh Hefner's Sex Biography Released

Hugh Hefner's Sex Biography Released

Hugh Hefner recovering from a hernia operation in a private clinic in LA has announced the forthcoming publication of "Stop It!" a book, written by the publishing guru himself and based largely on his own life. So, writes Lance Godbolt of The Vagina Observer. "It is more than a biography," explained Hefner. "It is largely, and very largely at that, a scientific investigation into human sexual...
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Funny story: Victor Hugo's Notes for Hunchback of Notre Dame Discovered

Victor Hugo's Notes for Hunchback of Notre Dame Discovered

Copious notes belonging to famed French author Victor Hugo have been found in a derelict atelier once owned by Pablo Picasso. Pablo who was known to steal things that took his fancy to the extent that Matisse used to hide his paintings when he heard his feet on the stairs may have inadvertently picked them up during a visit to the Louvre. In any case, they throw considerable light on the origins o...
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Funny story: New Incredible Products

New Incredible Products

Several new products and services that the Wall Street Journal describes as "ground breaking" have just been released. The first from Fuku-GimmeMoney could well be revolutionary. They are proposing to parents to have their company logo tattooed on their children's foreheads as part of their marketing strategy. The tattoos can be for ten, fifteen or twenty years or even for life. Parents an...
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Funny story: Jackie Collins...Exclusive Interview.

Jackie Collins...Exclusive Interview.

Takemi Pantsoff of The Vagina Observer secured the following exclusive interview with famed novelist Jackie Collins on the eve of the release of her new book "Isabella". "We met by the enormous heart-shaped pool of Jackie's $30 million mansion in Beverly Hills. She lay on a low recliner in her black swimsuit and stared at a blue sky as she answered my questions. Periodically, she would...
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