Showing articles written by Auntie Matter.

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Funny story: Tibet Our Enemy says Cheney

Tibet Our Enemy says Cheney

Dick Cheney has announced in a recent press conference attended exclusively by newspapers friendly to the president that Tibet was now on the list of America's known terrorists. Said Mr. Cheney: "We have reliable evidence that Tibetan yak farmers have been smuggling weapons of mass destruction via their flocks into neighbouring Nepal. Nepal, as you know, has been a sworn enemy of the United S...
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Funny story: Bilderberg Conference on Terrorism

Bilderberg Conference on Terrorism

This special Bilderberg Conference was held in Madrid at the request of Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy. Officiating as usual was Satan. Compere was Jimmy Savile. Musical interlude was supplied by the late Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Elvis and Sammy Davis. Drinks were served by Obama Bin Laden. Seated regally on his golden throne wearing his black silk cloak, feet on desk and fingering his mala...
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Funny story: Schizophrenia... Not What it Seems.

Schizophrenia... Not What it Seems.

Los Angeles: Psychologists at LA's Psychological Research Unit have come up with a new view of schizophrenia. Explained Dr. Ty Polar: "It would seem to us that schizophrenia is more a socially/family conditioning phenomenon and not, as we presupposed, a genetic fault. In our Post Modernist world, alternative views of reality are axiomatic. Alternative ways of seeing things are prevalent in...
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Funny story: Bloom, Publisher and Advertiser, on Gender.

Bloom, Publisher and Advertiser, on Gender.

It was the first thing I noticed as the beautiful Pamela his secretary led me in, the view from the many tall windows, the whole of Manhattan. The second thing was the massive desk, must have weighed a ton or more and looked like an altar. Then there were the paintings, Hockney, Smart, Dobell, Jasper Johns; I figured they had something in common but didn't know at the time what it was. Cabinets ev...
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Funny story: Bookies Give Further Odds on the Savile Enquiry.

Bookies Give Further Odds on the Savile Enquiry.

It is over a year now and bookies throughout the UK are rubbing their hands with glee over their book on the Jimmy Savile case. Many of their odds were based on a 12 months period. Apparently they cleaned up. As you may recall some of their odds were as follows... (1) Investigation will plod along until the media are ordered from on high to dumb it down out of existence and to "pursue it no...
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Funny story: Redemption For Sale!

Redemption For Sale!

"Inner Make-Over" - best selling book by Jeremy Enditstein that was recently featured on the Oprah Winfrey show has now launched itself as an American franchise. Said director of the new found company appropriately called INNER-MAKE-OVER "the company is built squarely on Jeremy's philosophy of inner renewal. It involves all aspects of retrieving a sense of worth and self-respect leading to greater...
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Funny story: 'Obama' Tells the Truth

'Obama' Tells the Truth

President Barack O'Bama known to his Masonic brothers as "BOB the Builder" has made a surprise announcement. "We have decided unanimously to no longer pursue our New World Order plans. In the last 58 years since the end of the Second World War we have attacked at least one country a year and banjaxed many more internally. "We will no longer be doing that. We will no longer be supporting tot...
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Funny story: Nasal Warfare. Not to be Sneezed At.

Nasal Warfare. Not to be Sneezed At.

Magazine "Hollywood Insiders" says the NOSE will be the media focus of body attention in the next decade. This is to prepare everybody for the planned lethal virus that will be spread by the sneeze. Nose awareness will ensure the disaster will not be too unexpected. 'Depopulation' so-called (or mass-extermination for the non-poetic among you) is the call. The ground has already been laid by...
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Funny story: El Porco D'Oro - The Golden Pig

El Porco D'Oro - The Golden Pig

The team behind the phenomenal "Price is Right" have launched a new TV game show. Called "EL PORCO D'ORO" or "The Golden Pig", it is sweeping America. To advertize for ten seconds during the show will cost half a million dollars. CNN executives are delighted and Jerry Springer says he is "disappointed" he wasn't asked to compere. It is in fact being compered by Ozzie Ozbourne. How does it work...
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Funny story: Protest.. a Thing of The Past.

Protest.. a Thing of The Past.

Interview our magazine "Time To Move" had with Health Minister Al Ranon. Q: So you propose to increase the amount of fluoride in the water? A: Yes, to prevent tooth decay. Teeth has always been of major concern to us as a nation, much more so than cancer for instance for which there is no known cure. Successive governments have always supported cancer. Q: What about mind decay? A: Too...
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Funny story: Jerusalem: City of culture

Jerusalem: City of culture

Derry is by no means the only city in the world that ever got the "City of Culture" gong. A lost book by ancient historian Josephus could set the world alight if it is released to the public. Archaeologists came across the script in a cave near the Dead Sea and believe it to be genuine. It describes in detail what exactly happened to Jesus Christ. According to Josephus, Jerusalem had been g...
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Funny story: Taxidermy to be Compulsory in US Schools

Taxidermy to be Compulsory in US Schools

At a special meeting of Hollywood moguls, and for the first time in a decade, Lucifer appeared in person to announce some startling political and educational reforms. With him were some select members from the Bilderberg cabal, Henry Kissinger, Bill Clinton, Rupert Murdoch and two banking members of the Rothchilds. After the usual toasts and child sacrifices the Dark Prince looking splendid in his...
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Funny story: "The Enlightenment... Reason Triumphing" - A New Movie

"The Enlightenment... Reason Triumphing" - A New Movie

Hollywood Freemasons in a bid to spruce up their new image ... "we are not a secret society but a society with secrets"... and to mark their coming out of hiding after five centuries of back-room shenanigans, have financed and written a movie called "The Enlightenment". Despite psychotic editing and direction, loony tunes story line, atrocious acting, idiot dialogue and extravagantly corny s...
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Funny story: Introducing the Hoscars

Introducing the Hoscars

LET THE HOCSARS BEGIN! What dat? Basically the House of Commons Oscars. Now that we all know that Labour and Tory are one and the same party like the Democrats-Republicans in the US, organizers of Miss World have, with the help of the Freemasons and British Petroleum instituted the HOSCARS. This is anticipated to be a full gala event that will be launched by Gerry Adams of the Irish Sinn Fein...
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Funny story: Lucifer Introduces "Conspiratonoia" at Bilderberg Conference

Lucifer Introduces "Conspiratonoia" at Bilderberg Conference

Lucifer appeared yet again to chair the latest Bilderberg conference held this year in the catacombs under the Vatican. His Loftiness looking regal and dapper, blonde hair swept back and looking remarkably like a young Christopher Walken settled into his golden throne to address some 120 delegates from around the world. Like an Indian Meeting of All the Nations, each delegate is a chief in...
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Funny story: New Hollywood Movie "Fuselage" Set to Break Box Office Records.

New Hollywood Movie "Fuselage" Set to Break Box Office Records.

The story involves an ex-airline pilot who becomes a rock star. When his plane is hijacked by Al Qaeda with three hundred passengers on board Al Palermo is lucky to escape with his life, as one of only three survivors. He figures it is time to hand in his wings. Not yet turned forty he believes, as he leaves the sanatorium, carrying the guitar that a fellow inmate gave him just before he hanged hi...
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Funny story: The Bacon Bill

The Bacon Bill

Republicans in the Senate have rushed through a bill aimed at curbing what they consider "reckless journalism in our time of crisis". Aimed at journalists in particular it is called the "Bacon Oath" after America's spiritual father Sir Francis Bacon, in his time head of the Masonic Order in England and believed by many to have been none other than William Shakesepeare. All journalists and medi...
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Funny story: Chemical Warfare not Okay

Chemical Warfare not Okay

The use of chemicals against civilians in Syria has caused considerable controversy in the highest political echelons with the UN coming out in force to condemn it. Here are two comments worth considering. Said Lt.Col. Clement Mason, head of the US Military: "We have taught the world that it is okay to kill people in pursuit of monetary gain... and when it comes to feathering one's nest mo...
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Funny story: The New Atomic Bomb called "Cuddles"

The New Atomic Bomb called "Cuddles"

"Cuddles" they call it... the new bomb developed by NUKEM a pan American-European nuclear research station based near Berne in Switzerland. Yesterday, the United Nations voted for its use "should the situation demand it". "Global-I" talked to managing director of NUKEM, and Nobel Prize winning physicist, Dr. Kant Getiton. "Can you describe what Cuddles actually is? How does it differ from othe...
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Funny story: Bookies Offer Odds on Pope and Berlusconi

Bookies Offer Odds on Pope and Berlusconi

A leading bookkeeper has drawn up a book on the possibilities surrounding the disgraced Italian Prime Minister and Bunga Bunga media tycoon Silvio Berlusconi's jail sentence for corrupting minors. I spoke with CEO Jimmy Alyercash. He explained as follows: "1/3 is very good odds that Berlusconi will be acquitted on an appeal. The whole trial looks to us to have been a fix-up so that he would...
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Funny story: New Mental Illness Widespread says Doctor

New Mental Illness Widespread says Doctor

Reggie Mental editor of "Get Out of My Mind" details a recent interview he had with Swiss psychiatrist Dr. Fiddler ... all about a new mental illness his team of researchers claim to have discovered. "Paranoia we all know about and nobody wants. Hence the new social fear on a par with any other phobia.... it is called Paranoia-Phobia. Yes, the fear of being paranoid. Already medication, a deri...
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Funny story: New TV Show To Sweep America

New TV Show To Sweep America

"CONTROL CHALLENGE" That is the name of the quiz show that is destined to sweep America and its franchise is likely to stretch all over the world. The brain behind it is Arnold Webstein who used to work as a secretary in the White House, and he takes up the story. While I was there I was astonished just how much in the dark we were kept about who really was making decisions at the top, what...
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Showing page 3 (of 5 pages)

Breaking News...

Emperor Finally Issues A "Secure Borders" Edict

Barack I degreed today all borders of the US Empire shall be sealed to prevent entry of the "undesirable alien" Bibi Netanyahu. Chief of Secret Storm Troopers, Eric Holder, will personally enforce it.
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