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Funny story: Mosquitoes - The Mini-Me's Of Vampires

Mosquitoes - The Mini-Me's Of Vampires

Mosquitoes are evil little geniuses. They are adept enough to fly up, whine in your ear, then take off laughing as you whip yourself in the head trying to swat them. They know how to hold a victim in suspense as they flit about having the wiles to dodge the hand raised in self defense. Their form combines all the elements of dark, loathsome things combined- a hunchback like he of Notre Dame fa...
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Funny story: About Those Cigarettes In Your Shirt Pocket

About Those Cigarettes In Your Shirt Pocket

I always liked visiting the Super Bowl Pub in Wheaton, Maryland to check in with my fellow dregs to catch up on the local news, down copious beverages, talk bull and shoot some pool. Most of all we liked to talk to our good friend and owner, John, who when he saw us playing pool mumbled: "I wish you would play darts and hit someone in the back of the head rather than ruin my good pool tables".
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Funny story: TheSpoof's writing process not what it seems

TheSpoof's writing process not what it seems

For years, TheSpoof has sat at the rear shelf of the internet, pouring scorn into the wind like a leaky kettle, with only the occasional Russian web-bot passing through to download its moth-ridden pages to read. Yet it appears that the site has been years ahead of its time in fake news. With its crude layout, and early 2000s appearance, TheSpoof looks like exactly the kind of website that a tot...
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Funny story: It's Awesome! A Year of Tweets From the President of the United States

It's Awesome! A Year of Tweets From the President of the United States

January 20, 2017. Can't believe the size of the crowd IT'S JUST AWESOME! #impotus January 21, 2017. Media got it wrong again must have been a million people there just ask the security detail #impotus February 22, 2017, Associated Press: "The streets of London were clogged with tens of thousands of people protesting the visit of President Trump." Many many more than that and they were we...
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Funny story: The Vodka Diet™!

The Vodka Diet™!

WELCOME to the website of THE VODKA DIET™! You are the 2nd visitor to this site! We at THE VODKA DIET™ are excited to bring you the information you need to attain a healthy and happy lifestyle! Are you ready to join the millions of people worldwide who have discovered the benefits of THE VODKA DIET™? Here's how to get started: First, select your short term and long t...
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Funny story: 6 Life Hacks Every Pirate Should Know

6 Life Hacks Every Pirate Should Know

Argh Matey! Here are some life hacks all of you seafaring scurvy dogs should know: 1. DIY Flamethrower with a lighter and can of WD40 Use the straw attachment to direct the stream of WD40 away from your body, depress nozzle and ignite with your lighter - Be warned, this hack will burn down your entire house or ship! 2. Use a tennis ball to keep your wooden leg from wearing out Don't wear...
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Funny story: Sessions hunts "Swamp Thing"

Sessions hunts "Swamp Thing"

Washington DC - Senator Sessions got out his guitar, got together with his boys in the garage to celebrate his confirmation with a brand new set of Lyrics for "Wild Thing", reproduced below. He and the boys cranked it up so loud the swamp things got all agitated like. Swamp thing, you make my pigeon sing You make everything a felony, swamp thing Swamp , I think I hate you But I wanna kno...
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Funny story: Keep Pushing That Truck

Keep Pushing That Truck

Back in the day a bunch of us used to hang out at a bar called the Super Bowl Pub in Wheaton, Maryland. The Super Bowl Pub was a nice dive bar which drew the most unsavory of clientele of which we were proud to be a part of. Actually we were so unsavory every other bar in town wouldn't have us except for the Super Bowl Pub. We liked to always point this fact out to the owner, John, who would si...
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Funny story: Estimates of What Will Happen to Scamatology After Davey Makemerich Makes His Exit

Estimates of What Will Happen to Scamatology After Davey Makemerich Makes His Exit

Cambridge, ENG Scholars as well as religious apologists are intensely watching the cult of Scamatology, which has been getting a flurry of attention in the media. "Many people can't help but notice that the cult is shrinking, even as it soaks his last remaining members for money to transform large buildings into Cult Castles. Then, after they dedicate the big building with a lot of people buse...
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Funny story: Saber Toothed Squirrel

Saber Toothed Squirrel

It isn't often one sees a saber toothed squirrel. Of course, it isn't often one wants to see a saber toothed squirrel, but when one does see one it invariably leads to commentary. For instance: "Why the (bleep) does that squirrel have a saber tooth and how can he chew anything without sticking himself?" is often heard. Chena Hot Springs Resort, Alaska has one. His name is 'Tham' for reason...
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Funny story: Alternate Facts You Didn't Know About KellyAnne Conway!

Alternate Facts You Didn't Know About KellyAnne Conway!

Alternate Facts You Didn't Know About KellyAnne Conway! Sure, everyone KNOWS what the "fake media" says about KellyAnne Elizabeth Conway, but how much do we REALLY know about her? This intrepid reporter decided to find out, and went slogging through public records, numerous internet news sites, and the back pages of the National Inquirer to scope out the true alternate facts about the mysteriou...
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Funny story: Is there a talent for being evil

Is there a talent for being evil

Is villainy a talent? If so, where does it come from? Is it genetic, or learned? Some put the blame on society, culture or religion. Whatever. Before getting into it we need to know what is meant by evil. Perhaps the following words can clarify the word scope of villainy: natural disasters, diseases, birth defects, war, destruction, deception, anger, gluttony, vanity, ego, pride, lust, hate, je...
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Funny story: Xenu Escapes, Likes Trump and Decides to Go to Marcab Confederacy Instead of Invading Earth

Xenu Escapes, Likes Trump and Decides to Go to Marcab Confederacy Instead of Invading Earth

It has been revealed by Trumps' public relations team that Xenu, who according to Scamatology texts, infected the human race with "body thetans" approximately 75 million years ago. Just a few days after Christmas, Xenu managed to escape from the electronic mountain trap in the Pyrenees that had held him for approximately 75 million years. Looking for Earth's leader, he came to Trump Tower to me...
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Funny story: How To Be Likable

How To Be Likable

We all want to be popular. Unfortunately, we don't all have the face of popularity. Likability, now that's something we can all achieve. And with these four easy steps to follow, you'll be likable in no time! 1. Have a sense of humor. If you don't have one, immediately after saying something, stare at the listener (preferably a stranger) in the eyes and say in a low voice, "You're supposed to b...
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Funny story: Vladimir E Coyote vs The Trump Runner: The ACME Golden Shower

Vladimir E Coyote vs The Trump Runner: The ACME Golden Shower

BILLINGSGATE POST: In any story playing off Wile E Coyote and the Road Runner, I have agreed to implement the same rules as those governing encounters between these two characters and apply them to Vladimir E Coyote and the Trump Runner, so help me God. THE RULES: RULE 1. THE TRUMP RUNNER CANNOT HARM VLADIMIR COYOTE EXCEPT BY GOING "BEEP-BEEP!" RULE 2. NO OUTSIDE FORCE CAN HARM VLADIMIR C...
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Funny story: Man Who Predicted Trump Victory Says Aliens Helped Him Win

Man Who Predicted Trump Victory Says Aliens Helped Him Win

Donald Trump continues to pedal the theory that fraudulent illegal alien voters cost him the popular vote in the presidential election. Now, the man who predicted Donald Trump would win the election says, it was not illegal aliens, but space aliens that tipped the US election in Trump's favor. I talked to Tony Fife at his compound in Gaslight, Nevada, where he and others like him are prepar...
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Funny story: Melania Trump's White House Tour

Melania Trump's White House Tour

Investigative Discovery, Melania's favorite channel, was asked to host the tour that Melania wanted to give the nation of what she calls is the "New White House." "Yes, thank you" started Melania. "The first I noticed upon first looking was how old everything was. Those were the first things I got rid of. The help would be "that's been here since the Jefferson administration" and I'd be like, e...
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Funny story: Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it's miserable, I know. So break it, shake it, and never look back!

Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it's miserable, I know. So break it, shake it, and never look back!

So you've made your New Year's Resolution and you're already as miserable as all hell. The point is, all your New Year's Resolutions were made to rid you of things that are deeply rooted in what The Bible calls "The Seven Deadly Sins". These are the mortal sins that the Judeo-Christian God (sometimes "Judeo" here is spelled "Judo") will send you straight to hell for, if you don't get them under co...
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Funny story: Mr. Dump was a real ratfink!

Mr. Dump was a real ratfink!

Mr. Dump was what we called the old coot. His name had meaning because the old guy operated a landfill right up the road from our house and rats ran all over the place. Now don't get me wrong, we didn't live in a ghetto but in a pretty nice part of the countryside. It sort of looked like a pastoral scene out of a poem by one of the cavalier poets or something right off Edward Scissorhands, that we...
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Funny story: Forrest Trump

Forrest Trump

My name's Forrest. Forrest Trump. My momma always told me, life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get. For me, grabbing pussy is like a box of chocolates, because you always end up with sticky fingers. I always knew what I was going to get. You see, my poppa was a multi-millionaire. I knew I would inherit that one day, so I never worried about getting a job or doing...
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Funny story: The Headless Hillbilly of Pickleville Hollow

The Headless Hillbilly of Pickleville Hollow

Back in Pickleville Holler, I stopped by a roadhouse and I was greeted by a group of old men who were smoking pipes and drinking beer. A lovely farm lass walked up to me, handed me a leg of mutton and some cottage cheese. "We have to tell you an old wives tale that has been spread around about every year this time," the fishwife muttered. "It's been spread around with the moonshine, the hard a...
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Funny story: Vladimir E Coyote vs The Trump Runner

Vladimir E Coyote vs The Trump Runner

BILLINGSGATE POST: Some of my faithful readers might recall recent stories where I have written about Wile E Coyote and the ACME Corporation. Now, with some license requested, I have taken it upon myself to recast the epic confrontations between Wile E Coyote and the Road Runner in a modern setting. Using the original list of rules implemented by Chuck Jones to set strict rules of engagement betwe...
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Showing page 2 (of 458 pages)

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Trump Claims He is Helping Elderly People by Cutting Meals on Wheels

"Ivanka read to me that America is too obese. So I want to help these people to eat less." he said.
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