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Funny story: Prof. Hawking Predicts End of Mankind.

Prof. Hawking Predicts End of Mankind.

There has been a tidal wave of reaction from around the world to renowned physicist Prof. Stephen Hawking's statement that "the development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of the human race." Here are some of the responses: President Barack Obama: "I am surprised at Prof. Hawkings; the statement is most illogical." US Politico Sarah Palin: "They will have to learn to...
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Funny story: A Christmas Message from Bono 2014

A Christmas Message from Bono 2014

Hello Hello, Dis year I have been busy saving the world again. My friend and fellow tax exile Sir Bob let me sing on Band Aid again. So that I could start in my new mission to eradicate Ebola. I think I will have this all cured by Christmas, but I will be promoting my other things as well. I now have a rival, Russell Brand, who thinks he can be the saviour of the world. He can't there is on...
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Funny story: Auntie Jean Advises Les Brains From Barf Who Has To Decide On A Career

Auntie Jean Advises Les Brains From Barf Who Has To Decide On A Career

Les Brains Asks: Auntie Jean, I was dropped on my head by the midwife as a baby and consequently cannot make any decisions and have no moral fibre. I can't tell right from wrong , am dishonest and selfish and frequently accidentally wear my jacket inside out. I have an appointment with the Career Adviser at school tomorrow and would like to ask about a career. Which should I choose? Auntie Jea...
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Funny story: Feel Free to Do Something Disgusting While I'm Eating

Feel Free to Do Something Disgusting While I'm Eating

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant. All but two tables were empty, but I had the good luck to be next to a large older man who was talking to an old woman who was on her way out. She asked how he was doing these days, a usual, casual sort of question which he took as his cue to deliver a soliloquy about all his health problems, as older people often do. As it turns out he had one major health pr...
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Funny story: My Loudmouthed Refrigerator

My Loudmouthed Refrigerator

I have one of those new, talking refrigerators. "Ray," it recently told me, "you are running low on apples and you have some old chicken fried rice that's starting to mold." "Thanks," I replied. "I will get some apples and throw out the fried rice." "Great." "Nice talking to you." "Same here. Oh, by the way, your wife hates your coffee." "How do you know?...
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Funny story: On A Clear Day You Can See (And Hopefully Find) A "Rosebud" By Any Other Name

On A Clear Day You Can See (And Hopefully Find) A "Rosebud" By Any Other Name

LOS ANGELES - Ahhh yes, "Rosebud". Once upon a time lost and eventually found, somewhere or thereabouts, deep inside the cozy cinematic confines of Orson Welles' oh so notorious, ultra-legendary, totally four-star Hollywood debut, "Citizen Kane." Apparently - as is now being (better late than never) unofficially reported by New York Post Page Six gadfly-on-the-wall (of pretty much everywhere...
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Funny story: Brisket Ain't Corned Beef and I Bet You Buy Retail Too

Brisket Ain't Corned Beef and I Bet You Buy Retail Too

For years, something like this email gets dusted off and transmitted millions of times. I received mine this morning. I got bored so I have embellished and contributed my own personal experiences from long, long ago; when I was a active member of the tribe. I can no longer afford the dues… but they'll welcome me back with open arms if I come up with the arrears plus late fees and interest If...
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Funny story: Hillary addresses world domination convention in Las Vegas

Hillary addresses world domination convention in Las Vegas

Ms. Hillary Rodham Clinton (aka HRC) addressed the annual WDC yesterday, blue eyes flashing. Her candidacy is just about wrapped up, she stated, in the sense of publicly announcing what everyone already knows. She will be running for president through 2024 and beyond if possible. If FDR could run more than twice, why not HRC? This line brought sustained, loud applause, and shouts of...
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Funny story: Top Ten Reasons YOU Should Join Scamatology Right Now!

Top Ten Reasons YOU Should Join Scamatology Right Now!

The Top Ten Reasons to Join Scamatology Are: * Good place to hide from your family since they will force you to disconnect from them anyways * If you have too much money they will help you with that. * Since Scamatology will take all your money, you won't need to file and pay taxes every year * You will be able to serve and service many D List celebrities! * Is your brain in need of servici...
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Funny story: Isle Of Wight Factoids - 10 Things You Didn't Know

Isle Of Wight Factoids - 10 Things You Didn't Know

1) The Isle of Wight contains less prisoners per head of the population than Alcatraz or San Quentin. 2) Despite over one hundred movies about daring escapes from The Isle of Wight, only one person, Harry Houdiney is known to have successfully escaped and lived to tell the tale in 1955. 3) How big was the average b and b room in 1943? Each single room was 5 feet by 9 feet. Double rooms ha...
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Funny story: The Farnsworth Factor

The Farnsworth Factor

I sat down with motivational speaker and author Frank Farnsworth to talk about his new book The Farnsworth Factor. "Frank," I said, "what exactely is the Farnsworth Factor?" "The Farnsworth Factor, if applied correctly, is the one factor that will give you the skills necessary to live your life to the fullest." "Can you give me an example?" "Sure. Say your wife has just...
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Funny story: What The Buck?!? The Root Of All Evildoers, As Otherwise Added Up Accordingly Before Being Even More Unofficially Rearranged (Keep The Change)

What The Buck?!? The Root Of All Evildoers, As Otherwise Added Up Accordingly Before Being Even More Unofficially Rearranged (Keep The Change)

AMMANBEINGAMMAN, Jordan - Sure, according to a significant amount of strategic unnamed sources (typically those without any sort of sufficiently accumulated sooner or later go-to funds, hopefully designated for any and all doomsday styled rainy days hell bent on impolitely presenting themselves, via whichever suddenly well past-due timeframe quickly proves to be dramatically necessary, and/or, ju...
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Funny story: Rocky 6, 7, 8, 9 And Beyond

Rocky 6, 7, 8, 9 And Beyond

With the news that Sylvester Stallone is going to have a another round of Botox and release another Rocky Film, BATTL news got all excited and raided the superstars bin to find more information. After twenty minutes of throwing rubbish all over his driveway we came across a bundle of first draft scripts for his upcoming movies. Here are the best. Rocky Doggy: Ex-Heavyweight champion Rocky Bal...
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Funny story: Are You A Serial Killer ? Our 10 Question Diagnostics Will Tell You Instantly

Are You A Serial Killer ? Our 10 Question Diagnostics Will Tell You Instantly

Answer Yes or No 1) Have you ever woken up in bed with a blood covered machete beside you? 2) Are you serving consecutive or concurrent life sentences for murder? 3) Do you hate your mother? 4) Have you ever tortured animals? ( excluding officially approved laboratory trials). 5) Do you think all women are painted harlots and instruments of the devil? 6) Do you frequently hide in bushes...
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Funny story: Nopology: Or, How to Retract a Racist Remark by a Republican

Nopology: Or, How to Retract a Racist Remark by a Republican

It came out on Facebook this week, at the website Addicting Information, that a Republican, Rusty DePass, replied to a post made on Facebook in 2009 by someone named Trey Walker. Walker's post was, "Just heard there is a gorilla loose at Riverbanks Zoo. Staff and visitors hiding. Full lockdown. Wow." Rusty Depass, a GOP activist and former chairman of the state elections commission in South Ca...
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Funny story: My Husband Is Not Having An Affair - Is This Normal?

My Husband Is Not Having An Affair - Is This Normal?

Auntie Jean I recently found evidence of what I think is fidelity on my husband's mobile phone. On scanning down the numbers and call logs, there were clearly no suspicious or unknown call records, texts or contact numbers. My friends at the sewing circle have advised me to take steps to try to end this intolerable situation amicably, but I want a good old fashioned fight to bring it all out in...
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Funny story: The Church and Same Sex Marriage

The Church and Same Sex Marriage

If the lord would make the miracle of 'Immaculate Conception' available to lesbian couples they would no longer need to locate an adult novelty store to consummate their marriage. This should make the church quite happy. Gay couples can consummate quite easily, but would still need to adopt because even the lord can't make the sun shine everywhere. Is human canine next? A lot of folks really d...
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Funny story: How to Defend Your Wife's Honour

How to Defend Your Wife's Honour

During a recent dinner party, my wife casually emasculated me. She told our guests that if she were ever publically insulted by another man, the prospect of my leaping to her defence was laughable. To be fair, she did a service to the party, which had been a symphony of stifled yawns until our guests perked up at my unexpected shaming. They allowed me the dubious concession that I shouldn't be exp...
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Funny story: Rosetta Philae

Rosetta Philae

Common crow admirably performs its organizational assignment as stated in the job description: Urban and Rural Macrophage, duly saved in the crow's DNA. In service of nature, the crow disposes of discarded harmful waste. Biologically, it has all the vital organs that human species has excluding the dangerous mentality of mankind. At dawn, common crow, an early bird, perches on insulated live c...
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Funny story: Now Presenting-Dick Cheney's First Column-The Topic? Torture!

Now Presenting-Dick Cheney's First Column-The Topic? Torture!

Hi! This is your old pal Vice-President Dick Cheney! Don't worry-no hunting involved here! When I was asked to do a column, I asked them what they wanted me to concentrate on, and they told me to do it on something I knew a lot about and loved. I didn't have to think for even a second before I told them-I'll do a column on Torture! I've always been an aficionado of torture. It started whe...
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Funny story: Medical Marijuana Is Antidote to Ebola Virus Says Elated Scientist

Medical Marijuana Is Antidote to Ebola Virus Says Elated Scientist

It was dark and stormy when we entered the laboratory of Professor X. Centric. But you would never have known it upon entering the upbeat scientists place of work: clouds of incense greeted us in a room lit by black light. Authentic Day-Glo posters from the 1960s lit up the entryway as we came upon the professor administering Ebola virus antidote to himself. The professor, who had personally no...
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Funny story: Pit of Bones

Pit of Bones

Paul Prattle is a geneticist at the Old Bone Institute in Leipzig, Germany. We sat down and talked about a recent old bone find at the Pit Of Bones. "Mr. Prattle, " I said,"before we get into the recent find, tell me a little bit about the Pit Of Bones." "Sure, but please call me Paul. I'm not really crazy about my last name. Makes me sound like a guy who must just prattle on and on ab...
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Showing page 2 (of 432 pages)

Breaking News...

Barack I Now Wants to Be Addressed With a New Moniker

WashDC: Emperor Barack I has issued an imperial order that all courtiers and palace plebs shall now address him as: His Excellent Cubaness "Che-Fidelio". The Secret Service scrambled to update codes.
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