BILLINGSGATE POST: This new feature represents all that is bad about question and answer journalism. However, I feel there is a need to answer some questions from notables, such as those below, in order to satisfy the prurient interests of my readers.
Dear Dr. Billingsgate,
I read with interest your story about the woman who crazy glued her unfaithful husband's testicles to the bed frame to...
Sexy chat farmers: Phone:
Who's a dirty farmer?
My Big end has gone on Massive Ferguson
Coupling muck spreaders
Your turn in the barrel
Putting it about
Draw bar dynamics
Jug sizes (metric)
An investigation into the execution of Jesus Christ was commissioned by the Jerusalem Council after his death. In a remarkable find, archaeologists digging in Jerusalem have come across an actual transcript of the minutes of that historic council meeting.
The following members of the council... Rabbis Joachim, Saul and Jacob present their findings to chairman Moses Ishmael.
Moses: So, let...
Intrepid, rat-like reporters working for international seamy tabloids just got the biggest story of the whole millennium (and that includes the Millennium Falcon!)- they copped the script from the new Star Wars movie still in production!
Here is a summary of the plot:
In a place long, long ago before even Walt Disney himself was born a galactic wide war ensued between the good people of the...
Ted Cruz the Showman was a sleazy scrappy soul,
With McCarthy looks and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Ted Cruz the Showman is a sordid tale, they say,
He was full of blow but Teabillies know
How he came to life one day.
There must have been some money
To propel him to the top.
For when they made him Senator
He became a Tea Party prop.
O, Ted Cruz the Showman was...
The founders of the Ottoman Empire or rather contemporary Turkey were descendants of Oguz tribe, or Turkmen, living in Central Asia, a clan of which was named Seljuqs. Seljuqs were a nomadic herding society, and therefore familiar with aggression and war. Naturally, the always-on-the move Seljuqs did not practice any form of known religions, but they did learn that rain was good, and were impresse...
We've listed just a few of their exhausting activities at Christmas:
1. Christmas Eve : Up to (and including ), a whole 20 minutes of smiling and waving at Windsor Castle Boot - Sale
( includes exercising British Restraint and not haggling over cut - price Tinsel )
2 . Sampling Local's Mince Pies with a hard - to -manoeuver plastic fork at Balmoral
3 . Nodding and more smiling/ waving...
After undertaking an intimidating new pastime, Vinyasa-style yoga, 28-year-old Jessica Dyer found a surefire way to bolster her confidence: the overweight girls in her yoga class.
Jessica, a longtime resident of New York City's East Village, recounted that the challenges of living in Manhattan's hottest 'hood, together with her lack of any natural adeptness at yoga, had put her generally solid...
The GOP platform that will be ratified by the 2016 Presidential Nominating Convention is now complete. Since the last convention, selected Congressional Republicans and State Party Chairs have been diligently working. According to insider reports, these are its major points:
1. We stand for the principles of torture, particularly rectal hydration.
2. We believe that rich donors should dramat...
A few years ago, the religious far right in America targetted gay people. They were classed as an abomination in the eyes of god, but in the last eighteen months, focus has shifted onto the transgender population instead.
At first glance there does not seem to be a reason for this.
The transgender men and women are trying to eke out lives the best they can in a binary gender weighted world,...
According to an internet report, residents of Menace, Minnesota, passed an ordinance making drone hunting legal. This intrigued me, so I placed a call to the mayor of Menace.
"Mr. Mayor," I said, " tell me about your plan to hunt drones."
"Well, it's really pretty simple. "We are going to issue hunting licenses and then shoot those intrusive little bastards out of the sky."...
Archaeologists excavating along the North West coast of Palestine close to where Pontius Pilate had his palace have made a remarkable find. It is a letter written on papyrus. Experts are not sure if it is a copy or not. Was it ever sent? Did Tiberius Caesar read it and respond? If not, we could well be living now in a very different world indeed.
Because what they unearthed is a letter from Po...
The Synod of Hippo in AD 393 was a gathering of Catholic bishops who established the contents of the Bible. A definitive list of books now currently in use did not come into existence until the Council of Trent (1545-63) was set up to counteract the Reformation by bringing clarity to the Church's teaching.
Biblical scholar Dr. Flynn O'Toole from Trinity College Dublin while doing research on t...
Ari Alterman has added yet another blockbuster movie to his long string of successes in a career spanning twenty-five years.
"Well Connected" that has a strong magical theme has a sterling cast with Clint Eastwood taking a small role with Beyonce.
It is produced by Ari Alterman, directed by Lilith Alterman and sees the acting debut of Judith Alterman. The script was written by son Zac under...
Everything that exists in the universe is a part of nature, and therefore can be explained by material causes. Consequently, it would be misinformation to resort to supernatural, spiritual or paranormal cause to explain natural phenomena.
According to Wikipedia, euphoria is a 'medically recognized mental and emotional condition in which a person experiences intense feelings of well-being, elati...
"Judicious Use of Cognitive and Physical Trauma to Elicit Psychic Response"--By Dr. Gunter Chang, Director of Cognitive Studies at the Central Intelligence Agency, August 2003.
Research in the area of the psychic science lags considerably behind other research fields primarily due to lack of reproducible quantitative data obtained under controlled conditions. In an effort to establ...
Auntie, I have received my D.A.B. 3D digital radio from the internet which arrived on a low loader this morning. I would appreciate a little help with tuning it as the instructions are inadequately translated from Mandarin Chinese. It has what it describes as a 2.3 metre plasma screen.
I had to cut a hole in my trailer park home to get it in. It keeps blowing the park substatio...
At this year's Paris Underwear Festival, I caught up with Baxter Brief Ceo Barry Boxer. "Barry," I said, I would like to congratulate you and the whole gang at Baxter Brief for taking the tags out of your underwear."
"Thanks, it was a massive undertaking."
"Why do you think getting rid of underwear tags is so darn important?"
"Underwear tags lead to butt burn, and butt burn is the leading...
VATICAN CITY PAPAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
The following was broadcast last night by Pope Francis from Rome.
"The Holy See's concern with the march of materialism has prompted her to reinstate PENANCE as the primary mode of the expiation of sins. For too long we have ignored the sacrament and its healing power. The global obsession with transient pleasures, with material things, with cosmetics, travel...
The film is about a young world middleweight boxing champion Lance O'Flynn who is also a black belt in Karate and who gets conscripted by MI6 to be trained as a special agent.
He shows himself a willing pupil and quickly masters seven languages plus quantum physics. His handsome Irish good looks and natural intelligence, as well as his ability to read the Kama Sutra in Urdu, make him a wow wit...
It's the festive season again, and who could fail to be excited by the never-ending stream of Christmas songs blaring from shops, radios and people's throats.
Christmas music is Britain's favourite music genre, and every year millions of us buy copies of our favourite Christmas songs so that we can listen to them all year long.
Here we provide a countdown of the 5 best Christmas songs.
This countries a mess. There we said it. But it's not our opinion, but the opinion of the man on the street. The white van mad man, the market trader and the pub landlord all agree. But why is it a mess and what are the solutions, we don't know, shit we cant remember where we let the dog off it's lead last. That dam terrier could be anywhere.
Anyway we grabbed a bunch of people off the street (...