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Funny story: Wendy's Redhead Lady to Anchor 24-hour-a-day Sharkfest Channel

Wendy's Redhead Lady to Anchor 24-hour-a-day Sharkfest Channel

LOS ANGELES - A new cable channel that only features the lives and day-in and day-out behavior of every species of shark will be anchored all day and night, every day, by the Wendy's Redhead Lady. "I just got sick and tired of saying 'Now that's better' at the end of every commercial. It gets really old after a while," the woman, who is known by no other name except for 'The Wendy's Redhead Lad...
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Funny story: 50 Amazing Facts

50 Amazing Facts

Here are 50 amazing facts for you to wow yourself and your friends with. But there's a twist! One of the facts is not true. See if you can spot which one. - The ostrich is the only animal which is allowed to drive in Australia. - Queen Elizabeth II has two anuses. - The largest city in Britain without an aquarium is Bath. - Henry Guillotine was killed by his own famous invention which bears...
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Funny story: Prince Charles Declares His Innocence

Prince Charles Declares His Innocence

"The Queen's 2013 Ascot Gold Cup heroine Estimate has tested positive for the banned substance morphine, Buckingham Palace has announced." (News broadcast July/22/2014). An Interview with Prince Charles, courtesy of the popular investigative magazine "Nabbed". Prince Charles seated in the Windsor reading room beneath a large painting of an Arabian horse by Freemason George Stubbs seemed qui...
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Funny story: More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

Global warming "heretics" have today announced that: THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE HAS STOPPED RISING Since 1998 - more than a decade - the record, as determined by observations from satellites and balloon radiosondes, shows no discernible warming. Heretics who print or repeat these findings are to be burned at the stake on the next market day. The year 1998 was exceptionally warm because of a...
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Funny story: Lana Del What?

Lana Del What?

Lana Del Ray (no, we don't know who she is either) has sensationally admitted to sleeping her way around the music industry. The singer (?) said: "I have slept a lot of guys in the industry but none of them helped me get my record deals." Learning of this amazing news BATTL news hastily arranged a interview with her to find out the truth behind the statement. We also took a guitar along...
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Funny story: Think INSIDE the Box, An Expert Advises

Think INSIDE the Box, An Expert Advises

As Bob Dylan croons, "The Times They Are A-Changin'." For years, experts had advised thinking OUTSIDE the box. Be different and unconventional, we were told. Look in areas where no one else is looking. Find unique solutions. The problem is -- everyone who is anyone began thinking OUTSIDE the box. It's become too crowded out there. Thinking OUTSIDE the box has become the conventional,...
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Funny story: Vlad (not the Impaler?)

Vlad (not the Impaler?)

I'm so excited, having just received a present from my darling Uncle Vladimir. A collectors set of Russian Dolls beautifully crafted in his image. So cute, so accurate and just like him, so tiny. He is gorgeously unsmiling with that distant stare which some of his horrible detractors claim is cold and ruthless. But on with the list: his tiny bare chest..his bulging little muscles..his striking...
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Funny story: Prime Minister steps on tongue, silence follows

Prime Minister steps on tongue, silence follows

The Prime Minister addressed reporters, cameras flashed, the room listened seriously. With rockets raining down the Iron Dome Missile Defense System is nearly perfect in dealing with the problem. Thanks to this System very few rockets are getting through. They are not a serious threat. A pause, also known as a pregnant moment, occurred. Silence in the news room. Eyes looked...
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Funny story: A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

Yorkshire Savoury Croquet, popularised by John Prescott, is a game played on a large lawn. Equipment consists of long handled mallets, two sets of balls and some hoops pressed into the grass. It is quite hard to play when inebriated, but larger beer hoops are used in this instance. The croquet balls are made from a mixture of chopped, cooked bacon. small cheese cubes and mashed potato. Combine...
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Funny story: The life of a pound coin

The life of a pound coin

In the week when the British economy returns to pre-crisis levels, we take a look at the life of a pound coin during a single week, in an attempt to explain why the British economy manages to be so dynamic. Our coin's tale begins with George Osbourne, as he spends our taxes to buy a Revolting Peasants cocktail at Jolly Cedric's Wank-Bar For Toffs. 20% of the cost goes to the taxman, so at the p...
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Funny story: A List Of Future Books Titles That Ann Coulter Plans

A List Of Future Books Titles That Ann Coulter Plans

Ann Coulter, that famous extreme right wing author and the wicked witch of the North East That Baum didn't write so much about in his Oz books is forever coming out with new literary tirades against those who, unlike herself, are not raised in families where you are constantly batted over the head with conservative ideals. She believes that everyone should be like herself: demeaning, mean spir...
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Funny story: Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Paddy O'Flynn had had enough it seems. He had decided to apply to his local housing authority for help with his rent having vacated his old house and moved into a rented apartment in Clapham Common, South London. That is where his troubles began. His wife Caitlin takes up the story. "They sent him a form to fill in. It was thick as the London Times. For three months he tried to figure it o...
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Funny story: Vondrook's Dating Survival Tips!

Vondrook's Dating Survival Tips!

To help you navigate through the murky black sludge that is the single dating life, here are some tips for the Vondrook reader on how to achieve the highest rate of success when going on a first date. And by "success," I meaning making out or getting laid. •If your date says she likes a "take charge" type of guy, try to get the waiter or somebody to hear that as well, because that's consent, br...
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Funny story: Balance to the Force - A Star Wars Tale

Balance to the Force - A Star Wars Tale

Many people, fans of the original Star Wars trilogy, lambast the prequels of Star Wars movies as trash and not deserving a space next to such giants in film. They criticize the poorly thought out characters, the abundance of origin stories, an unlikable main character who eventually becomes the villain without too much disappointment, Jar Jar Binks, the stupidity of many characters, that Gungan wh...
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Funny story: Pokémon: The Terrible Terrifying Truth

Pokémon: The Terrible Terrifying Truth

Another brutal day at work. Another round of layoffs hit your firm so you grudgingly accept Fate's cruel hand and settle into the humdrum monotony of missed deadlines, angry emails, and screaming bosses. You finally arrive at your sanctuary: home, a bastion of refuge against the assaulting waves of crap called life. As you kick off your shoes, the glow of a portable screen plastered to the face of...
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Funny story: Scamatology Leader's Missing Wife Shows Up and Beats the Living Xenu Out of Him

Scamatology Leader's Missing Wife Shows Up and Beats the Living Xenu Out of Him

The leader of Scamatology, diminutive Davy Makemerich, has been dodging questions for years about his missing wife, Smelly. At the same time that this drama has been going on, Wee Davy has been collecting money from Scamatologists for the Super Power building, which he says will give worthy cult members various super-powers--including the ability to find parking places INSTANTLY. When Davy open...
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Funny story: James Anderson's conversation with Ravindra Jadeja leaked

James Anderson's conversation with Ravindra Jadeja leaked

Much has been spoken about the ugly spat between James Anderson and Ravindra Jadeja during the 1st Test match at Trent Bridge. Apparently, Jadeja's bat had a secret mic, that recorded the entire conversation. Wondering how the bat had a mic? Well, it belongs to Sir Ravindra Jadeja. Not just a mic, it may also have weapons for all we know. Here's what really happened (and by really happened, we...
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Funny story: Interview with MI5 Mole

Interview with MI5 Mole

It came as something of a surprise when there was a knock at the door of my office at Spoof HQ and a gentleman introduced himself as a mole from MI5. I asked him how he had found his way to our HQ and he told me he went to Platform 8 and a half at Kings Cross and found there was no rowling stock but was advised to go to Platform S where he found a train to our place. I had my doubts that thi...
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Funny story: Guide To Enjoying Your Hen Night In Borth, Aberystwith

Guide To Enjoying Your Hen Night In Borth, Aberystwith

Remember to respectfully treat other tourists who may have just come to Borth to quietly enjoy tranquil views of the famous peat bog and see the site of the well publicised recent bog fires. Here are some dares to get the ball rolling: 1) REMOVE YOUR BRA WITHOUT TAKING YOUR TOP OFF 2) SING SANDRA DEE FROM GREASE 3) DRINK YOUR DRINK WITHOUT STOPPING 4) KISS EVERYONE IN THE GROUP 5) DAN...
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Funny story: Don't be so repetitive chief, sorry, Mr. Editor-in-Chief

Don't be so repetitive chief, sorry, Mr. Editor-in-Chief

A book by Thaler and Sunstein titled "Nudge" proposed the following solution to the problem of sending angry e-mails, which are often followed by regret: software that cautions you against sending it by saying "warning: this appears to be an uncivil email. do you really and truly want to send it?" A stronger version of this software might also require a user to enter a password to send the seeming...
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Funny story: Ode to Birth Control by J.S. Shaw

Ode to Birth Control by J.S. Shaw

It's obvious my uterus has seen a better day. Too many years invested, in erotic sexual play. Committed now to aging with grace its duty done. A child carries on my name - a generation comes. My sex life is a private matter, I care not to discuss. Why Politicians think they speak ... for my uterus. Men are lusty school boys - ask any Catholic wife. If it wasn't for contraception, we'd be...
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Funny story: Fabrication; The American Way

Fabrication; The American Way

Did you know that America is on the wrong path? Republicans and Democrats force-feed agendas with one-sided talking points and mean-spirited drivel. Politicians today can't seem to walk past a live camera without delivering an absurd fabrication meant to injure the other Party. Hillary Clinton wore goggles at Wellesley, and purchased a shoe collection from Imelda Marcos on Ebay. Did you know Je...
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NYPD snorts of derision at latest drug story

Apparently a 'baffled' FIT student found10 pounds of coke in her luggage and voluntarily turned it in

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