I know (LOL) I may have got you at a bad time.... but I must ask you, YOUR DIVINITY, if you don't mind.
(1) Why do you not destroy the few bankers and their idiotic debt game so that we humans can allow ourselves and our children to enjoy life as you intended?
Why must we always be in hawk to these bastards? And why on earth cannot our governments, elected by us, run our nat...
Thirteen years and one day after the September 11th attacks, a new report has risen suggesting that the tobacco companies may have been behind the attacks in an effort to get more people smoking.
According to a former executive, who would only release the classified information upon anonymity, it was not al-Qaeda behind the hijackings and crashing of three airliners on September 11th, 2001, bu...
THE FOLLOWING LETTER, LATELY DISCOVERED, WAS WRITTEN BY SHAKESPEARE TO HIS MISTRESS JULIET HADHERWAY.
It is never easy to part, such sweet sorrow, but I shall remember you fondly. To your father Shylock I tender my regards.
Our nuptial vows were a tabernacle of veneration to me that I never strayed far from but when I learnt that you had an affair in Italy...
In a quiet corner of the world of the unknown, Big Foot, Nessie and Mothman are meeting in a pub with another regular; Jack the Ripper.
"Jack old boy! You look terrible! Come on in and have a pint! offers Nessie.
As Jack is being seated, Mothman chimes in, "I hear you were just identified and then immediately denied. What's with that?"
"Yeah, it was a close call but thankfully, there are...
Thank you ISIS! Thank you for candidly showing your true face to your believers in Iraq and elsewhere. Unfortunately your staunch followers, despite their ancestors' crystal clear warnings, have refused to know you as you are-for 14 centuries, as of 7th century constantly, with no letup. I admit: You are truly die-hard to the core; a phoenix or rather a Dracula. Humanity repeatedly cast you into h...
1. You think 'your' thoughts are worse than anybody else's. You have not thought about where 'your' thoughts have come from.
2. You are scared the people you respect and who respect you may find out and abandon you.
3. Killing people is okay, you believe, and your favourite movies are all about heroes and the relentless murder they bring.
4. You think sex is love because that is what they...
(1) You pick up speed. You find yourself singing "Where have all the flowers gone?" at taxi ramps. Or, "When I was twenty-one it was a very good year...." . People hide their children and move away from you because they think you have Ebola.
(2) Girls don't find you attractive any more. They call you "an interesting man" but only to strangers who wonder how you can walk unaided, the way an astr...
2008- Russia invades former 'comrade' nation Georgia because Putin 'has Georgia on his mind….'.
March 2014- Russia takes over the Crimea because they want to protect their naval fleet, and their hidden stores of vodka.
June 2014- Russia begins infiltration and takeover of eastern Ukraine, wanting to 'protect the Russians living there' who invaded centuries ago.
December 2014- Russia invad...
If you spot one of the following signs you need to have a long talk with your partner. If you spot more than two you should pack your things immediately and take a long holiday. If you spot all ten, and are still alive and living with your partner, you should seek urgent, psychiatric help.
1."Shouts of "Stop it! Stop it!" coming from your bedroom. And when you open the door you find her reading...
Throughout the history of war, the role of sausages has been underestimated. Famous ancient Chinese war strategist Sun Tzu said, "The sausage is for eating, not for fighting." But history has proved him wrong - from the Battle of Saveloy to Butcher Cumberland's dreaded Sausage Brigade, the humble banger has shown its military worth time and again.
Sausages played a vital in the British army dur...
Are you feeling left out of the action? Is the world passing you by without you being able to make any kind of difference? Are you full of discontent with the political situation in America but have neither the time nor the inclination to delve into the relevant issues to find out what's really going on?
Well, fear not! The solution is at hand.
VITRIOL (reg. trademark) from BS Laboratories c...
Learning that bedbugs have been found in the subway, spoof reporter Gail Farrelly recently set out to get the skinny by interviewing a bedbug living in a Manhattan subway car. What follows are a few of Farrelly's questions and the bedbug's replies.
WHY LIVE IN THE SUBWAY? it's better than being homeless. And the convenience to citywide transportation is a plus.
FAVORITE SONG? Duke Elling...
New Yorkers are made, not born. So no matter where you come from, you can make the greatest city in the world your hometown. Take this quiz to find out how close you are. And remember to pick up after your pooch. It's the law!
1. What was the real reason Michael Bloomberg banned Big Gulp drinks?
A. His fear of drowning.
B. Can't "hold it in" as well as he used to.
C. Confused corn syru...
This a rant and I know I am going to piss some, maybe a lot, people off. But that's ok, because this is a rant. That means I can say anything I want, so sit down, kick back and let your outrage wash over you.
Earlier this year, in Kentucky, a 5-year-old boy shot and killed his 2-year-old sister with the .22 rifle he got for HIS(!) birthday. Nothing says "I love you" like a rifle,...
Here is the TV schedule for Channel 6 this evening.
4.00. Lesbian Racing
6.00. Jurassic Countdown
Can the contestants solve the conundrum before a T-Rex devours Rachel Riley?
6.30. Come Dine With ME
The four chronic fatigue sufferers try to have dinner together. Who will fall asleep first?
7.00. The Best Videos From the Internet
Chris Moyles introduces a series of hilar...
1)Spray a place mat with matt black paint - abracadabra!! - its an expensive Ipad to walk out of your door with.
2)Make the people next door think you are having a glamorous "Hog Roast" garden party by getting a large road kill fox and roasting it over 4 portable barbecues.
3)Make people think you have a posh car by offering Porsche owners free parking in your drive while they go to work on...
Sooo, I was wondering if, instead of interminable film sequels, there could be film hybrids. I think I may be onto something. To illustrate, a couple of examples.
To celebrate the acting versatility of Sandra Bullock, I give you the brilliant love child of frothy rom com Miss Congeniality and award winning tour de force Gravity - Miss Congenigravity.
Scruffy FBII (federal bureau of intergal...
Decadence refers to deteriorated standards, morals, loss of dignity, indulgence in power, pleasure or luxury, sex, crime, lawlessness, loss of economic discipline due to the corruption of state officials', repulsive corrupt bureaucracy etc. Undoubtedly, in such a society we witness cultural decay: decline of education, the weakening of cultural foundations, loss of respect for tradition including...
The following story is based on real events, some of the names have been changed and changed back in order to confuse you of their identity. No elderly people were harmed in the telling of this story.
Frail. Feeble. A stark contrast from their buoyant youth. Their bodies since rejected them. The inspector again signing off on their case. This wasn't living. It was simply existing. Betty had bat...
New to Australia? Here's our survival guide for your "New life in the sun" :
1) Don't rush into the nearest bit of sea, a shark will kill you.
2) Don't valiantly remove a spider from your pretty neighbour's bath, it will sink its deadly fangs into you and you will have 20 minutes to get an antidote or or it will kill you.
3) Don't leave your baby in her pram while you sunbathe, Dingos (pois...
Hauled in before his Boss John Witt realised he was in trouble, but Witt had more than enough up his sleeve.
'You are being sacked for doing nothing' he was told.
'You have nothing to complain about, then!' replied Witt.
'I'm not complaining about nothing, I'm complaining about you doing nothing' came the response.
Witt considered for a moment. 'I've been doing my job for two years and...
THE TOP TEN BEST SELLING SINGLES OF ALL TIME ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. If you leave me, I will kill myself.
2. If you don't leave me, I will kill myself.
3. I can't live without you. Until I get over it.
4. I would want to kill you if you ever left me but, as I am such a nice guy, I must spare you.
5. The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the Sun rose in your eyes. Now that you've...