Written by Inchcock
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 10 October 2011

image for A True Diary of Woe - Part Eighteen What was left for me of my 500g pack of biscuits after the night manager's visit!

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and poverty, starting in August 1947

Chapter 33 - Security Guard - I Call for backup

I was working as a static security guard in Nottingham, at a furniture making factory.

The company had asked for a security officer, as an end wall to the factory, had been hit by a fork lift, and it had collapsed. So security was comprised, and they required cover over the night until it could be repaired/rebuilt.

I was summoned from my night off to attend, and met the night manager there, who took me around the site, warning me that the RT (Radio Transmitter) did not work well in that area, nor did the mobile phone.

I was based in an old dilapidated office near the entrance gates, with a land-line phone that did not work.

The unit was at the end of a cul-de-sac, they had sensor lights in the lorry yard, as I found out on my first patrol, I also discovered that in the centre of the yard, the RT worked a little better, so decided I'd make my check calls through the night from that spot.

The night manager called about 0030hrs for a sit-rep, and kindly freed me of the problem I was having of whether to eat my shortcake biscuits now or later, by consuming them himself.

Off he shot into the night, it began to rain, I relocked the gates, and realised I was a little late with my regular check call to the control room - so I walked into the centre of the lorry park yard to make the call. While doing so, the sensor lights came on, and lit up the sight of two male bodies at the far end of the site!

I asked for back up, as the two bodies went in different directions, one I saw jump over the fencing.

I waited near the gate, and the back-up arrived in the form of Mick, a mobile patrol officer and his white Alsation dog 'Belle'.

I opened the gate to let them in, then relocked it, and joined them as he was letting the bitch out of the van. A quick explanation of events, and the three of us were walking down the yard to the area where I'd last seen the intruder.

It was at that point that I realised the dog was chewing on my right ankle as we walked! Mick laughed, I cursed 'Belle', and she just looked at me with a puzzled expression!

We moved on to where they had placed stacks of pallets in place of the wall. I moved towards the pallets, to see if I could find any rain made footprints on them, to identify whether the intruder had or had not climbed over the pallets into the factory. There were no footprints, but as I was returning into the yard, I noticed a large drain cover was dislodged in the yard. I pointed this out to Mick, who also thought it possible that the intruder had hid himself under the drain cover - so I bent down, and as I shone my torchlight into the depths... 'Belle' decided to chew on my left hand this time! More laughter from Mick, cursing from me, and tail wagging from 'Belle! ensued.' There were no signs of the intruder in the drains.

At this point I told Mick top get the 'king dog off of the site!

A visual check of the site brought no signs of the intruder, and we walked back to the vehicle at the gates, to find that the night manager was sat outside trying to get our attention to offer further support.

Mick and 'Belle' departed, and the boss came in.

He looked at my leg and hand, and went to get the first-aid kit out of his van. I followed him out of the office and down the steps towards the gate where he'd parked, and slipped on a wet step, going arse-over-tit onto the concrete path, cutting and bruising my right knee!

By then, I was genuinely concerned for the health of the night manager, as he was laughing so much!

The boss managed to contain his merriment enough to treat the wounds, and as he was about to leave site, two police officers arrived, they all came in for a cuppa and laugh at my downfall!

It an awfully long time for the other lads to stop the jibes. you'd be amazed at the ingenius ways they brought 'bite', 'dog' 'bell', and 'blood' into the conversations!

Bless them!

More to follow

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

42 readers are online right now!

Go to top