Written by Inchcock
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Sunday, 9 October 2011

image for A True Diary of Woe - Part Seventeen They thought I should be a Policeman?

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and poverty, starting in August 1947

Chapter 33 - The Job Assessment

I'd spotted a job for an American Delivery Company just starting up in Stapleford, Nottinghamshire, England, for Telephone Advisor's. The money on offer was fenomon... phunomin.. very good.

I contacted the number given, and it was arranged for me to go on a three day assessment course, where the successful candidates would be forwarded for an actual interview.

I genned up as much as possible on the requirements for the job, then on the day, went to the training centre where it was held, and joined about 18 other hopeful applicants.

It was explained to us that the first day would be filling in forms about ourselves in great detail, and answering personal questions. The second day would be an IQ test in general. The third day, would be a language test, followed by a break, and then we would each be called into an office to be given the results, along with a computer generated 'Personal report', that we could use in any future job applications if we had failed this one.

The IQ test, demanded an answer to each of the 200 questions. Which in my case was a little difficult as I didn't understand half of the questions. Still I stumble through it as best I could. After which I realised I would not be being picked to go through to the interview stage.

The second day's test, demanded that we only answer the questions we were sure we knew the answer to. This didn't take me long at all, I think I only knew about 20% of them.

The third day we all filled in the personal answers required, and I managed to convince myself that my smattering of German might be enough, then we were sent out to have a meal, to return for our assessments in two hours.

We duly sat, some nervously, awaiting our names to be called summoning us into the office. I was not concerned in the least, I knew for certain I'd failed

I was the last one to be called into the office. The two chaps and one lady behind the desk were Americans, and seemed very nice and chatty. They asked if I minded some of the (company name) bosses coming in to see me. I replied "No not at all, why?" The chap said that part of the (company name) policy, was to carry out an EQ level test on all applicants, they have been doing it in America for years, this was the first time it had been applied in the UK, and I was the highest level of EQ ever recorded.

Some people came in and shook my hand as if I had just won something. Then smiled and left?

Part of the Assessment report was recommended career paths for me. The top one was as a Police Officer? I'd have thought that whoever created that career might have noticed I was only 5'3" tall to start with!

So I left the premises a might confused... no job advancement, lowest IQ test level result, highest EQ level result, and with congratulation ringing in my ear from the company bosses?

My next job was to find out what EQ was.

More to follow

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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