Written by Inchcock

Print this

Sunday, 2 October 2011

image for 11 Essential things to tell your child, to ensure they fit in with other UK kids! Number 11 on the list

Eleven Essential things to tell your child, to ensure they fit in with other kids!

1) Explain to him/her/them:
How to fire bomb a Police Station without getting caught.

2) Explain to him/her/them:
Drill it in that they must use the F & MF words in every sentence spoken.

3) Explain to him/her/them:
If you catch him/her/them paying attention in school or at home, point out the rarity of such events, and the danger of them being called 'Mummies Boy/girl' by other miscreant youngsters.

4) Explain to him/her/them:
Make sure they see a recorded episode of the schoolgirl in Sharon Tate's show - Am I bovered, so they can mock seniors and betters.

5) Explain to him/her/them:
Encourage them to practise their spitting, until they can gob it over fifteen foot.

6) Explain to him/her/them:
Explain to them that education is not worth the blackboard it's not written on!

7) Explain to him/her/them:
How to inject Heroin properly!

8) Explain to him/her/them:
Which models of car they should steal for optimum profit!

9) Explain to him/her/them:
Why the government sent the troops cigarettes during the war!

10) Explain to him/her/them:
The higher the alcohol level of the booze they steal the better. Logical really.

11) Explain to him/her/them:
Playing with guns is fashionable and hip, just remember where the safety catch is, and engage it first! (Or maybe not bother with that one eh?)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top