Written by IainB
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Tags: Language

Friday, 30 September 2011

image for Incontinent on the continent Putting your knees together, hopping and shouting "LOO! WHERE'S THE LOO!" means you want to marry somebody's dog in Belgium

Travelling abroad can be a nightmare, especially when the land contains lots of people who pretend not to understand the English for "Where is the toilet" and you're bursting.

For this reason, we provide this handy guide for locating lavatories anywhere in continental Europe.

English: Excuse me good sir, where are the lavatories?

Italian: Mi scusi spirito di cazzo, dove i gabinetti?
French: Excusez-moi l'ail manger baudet,
où sont les toilettes
German: Entschuldigung! Wo sind die Toiletten wurstgesicht?
Polish: Przepraszam, gdzie są toalety że zapach?
Spanish: Perdóneme, mierda de cerebros, dónde están los baños?
Swedish: Ursäkta mig, platt möbelsnickare...var finns toaletterna?
Welsh: Esgus i mi, fy epil defaid da, lle mae'r toiledau?
Portugese: Desculpe, pessoa de pequeno cérebro, onde estão os banheiros?
Icelandic: Afsakið mig, skór andlit, hvar eru salerni?
Finnish: Anteeksi, mies joka haisee karhun kainalossa, missä, ovat vessat?
Dutch: Neem me niet kwalijk, zoon van een hoer, waar zijn de toiletten?
Czech: Kde jsou záchody? Máš je v této zemi zpět?
Greek: Με συγχωρείτε Πού είναι η τρύπα στο πάτωμα σας καλέσει μια τουαλέτα;

So there you go. No matter where you are in this great continent of a thousand languages, you can find the loo.

Small Print: We can accept no liability for your pronunciation, which can sometimes land budding linguists in aqua calde.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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