Hello! And welcome to the second edition of the magazine that lets you know what other stuck up snooty curtain twitchers are doing around the country. Hope you enjoy!
Mrs Scrongle-Fettlebum from the suburbs of Ventnor, held her annual Nose Bleeders party this week. Many people turned up and it was a great success. The blood will be donated to the local hospice. Tea and Scones were served.
9yr old Bunty Parlmer won first prize at the Sandown rabbit punching gala in aid of distressed animals from council estates in inner London. Bunty's pedigree rabbit suffered four broken ribs, a fractured eye socket, and gashed face.
Vet, Ormand Whelk, said it was a close call. "The runner up had three broken ribs, but died, so he was diqualified from the final result". Tea and Rabbit stew were served in the white tent.
Ardle Dunder, MP for Shanklin suburbs, won the Chillerton "Village Idiot competition" by forgetting where the village was, and turning up a year late. After receiving the prize, Mr Dunder said, "I'm so glad the people of Shorwell chose me, I will do my best to live up to the title. Can I use your toilet please?". Tea and vomit bags were served.
The Totland Bay choir, have been ordered to quit the community centre, when it was found they were using it for Devil worship and orgies. The choir was destined to break up until the intervention of Mother Superior, Nell Gwynn. "Der nunnery is arlways open to der god's cheeldren. Dey is a foyn singers, an needs to practise". Stated Mother Gwynn, when interviewed earlier this week.
Mr Lavender Peelow, from Rosebud Cottages, in Brook, has organised a sniff and lick party at his shop in the village high street. This event has been extended, because too many people were sniffing last year, so he has introduced the licking as a way of balancing the event. Asked what people would be licking and sniffing, he replied; "Whatever they like dear! Who am I to dictate what people want to do? As long as they turn up and pay the money, I don't care!".
Well, that's it for this edition, hope you enjoyed it!