Written by armfeetandtoe
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Tuesday, 27 September 2011

image for Bedtime Stories: A sewer Rat Sings Morris. Is no more

Morris, a rat that lived in the sewers of London, made his way along the shit stained highway of the tunnel he called home. Today was an arduous journey created by the rain that was cascading down the drains at street level.

Morris did not want to be late he saw his opportunity and leapt onto a small piece of wood that was rushing by in the murky torrent. With the dexterity of an Aussie surfer Morris steered himself through the dark whizzing along on a tide of turd he eventually arrived at his destination.

Bounding free of his make shift surfboard Morris grabbed the slime coated ladder and made his way up onto a small ledge that sat high above the damp cold sewer. Making use of the rope he had fashioned from pubic hair Morris climbed until he reached the small aperture he had created for himself in the wall of the Covent Garden Opera House.

From afar Morris could hear the "Duke" singing "Questa O Quella" (This woman or that) From Rigoletto. Morris clung to the shadows of the huge scenery sheets he hurried past the cleaner who on many occasions had taken a swipe at him with her broom. Now approaching the wings Morris made sure he was positioned in such a way that he could see the stage but not be seen by the cast. His moment had arrived.

Rigoletto, the hunchback court jester, begins to mock the husbands of the women the Duke desires. Morris with his quivering baritone begins to sing. A stage hand seeing the rat creeps up behind it and whacks it with his mallet.

Morris is no more. The music industry can be a very precarious business and you would do well to have someone watching your back.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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