NFL Week 2 Highlights
Packers 30, Panthers 23: Cam Newton passes for 432 yards against the Pack, which experts feel may distract most of the country from his three interceptions.
New England 35, San Diego 21: Vice Wilfork earns his first career interception, demonstrating in 15 seconds more athleticism and awareness than Tony Romo has in his entire life.
Buffalo 38, Oakland 35: Buffalo scores five touchdowns in the second half, overcoming an 18-point deficit to win, a sign that Vatican commentators say is God's unambiguous declaration that He hates the Raiders.
Pittsburgh 24, Seattle 0: In a familiar move, Ben Roethlisberger gets his rocks off by beating and humiliating something weaker than himself.
Cowboys 27, 49ers 24: Kicker Dan Bailey hopes to get laid after giving the Cowboys an overtime victory, which analysts attribute to rookie naivety.
New York Jets 32, Jacksonville 3: While the record books will list this as a Jets victory, all agree the real winner in this game was David Garrard.
Falcons 35, Eagles 31: The Eagles' offensive line's plan to keep Michael Vick out of harm's way by letting him get sidelined with an injury appears to have worked.