With an alarming fall of support for the Tories among women, shown in the latest opinion poll around our household, the Conservative High Command are seeking ways to win back women.
My wife has been consulted on this matter and has been advising David Cameron on how she might be seduced. Being a free minded sort of chap with my roots in Eton playing fields I have agreed to my dearly beloved advising Cameron in exchange for my seduction of Samantha Cameron, so she can become a fighter of lost causes.
Whilst David spent a night with my dearly beloved I sorted out Samantha at No 10. I understand, from exclusive reports, that the Tories will be winning over women voters by taking 5p off carrots and offering two plums for the price of one. The subtle sexual innuendo of the ploy will have women's knickers off in no time, it is thought.
Meanwhile my own exploration of the virtue of lost causes with darling Samantha has resulted in her deciding to support her husband in the next election.