Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Wednesday, 14 September 2011

image for Problems with menstruation? You'll be the goose who laid the golden egg with Scunthorpe Industrial Chemicals' duck hormone treatment

Ladies, do you suffer from painful periods? Is your monthly flow a bit of a handful?

Then why not try Scunthorpe Industrial Chemicals' new duck hormone treatment.

Simply inject yourself with the duck hormones three times a day and eat nothing but small bread cubes, and you'll see results within months.

Soon your reproductive system will regress to a more primitive state, your body will begin producing the necessary chalk for making eggshells, and you will begin laying eggs.

Susie B from Macclesfield was impressed. "I was impressed," she said. "I never guessed my period would be over so quickly. Now I just lay three to four eggs a day over the course of a week and that's it."

Tracey N from Coventry agrees. "It was hard at first. Especially the first few weeks when all my teeth fell out. But then I started to grow my stump beak and everything went swimmingly."

Why don't you try Scunthorpe Industrial Chemicals' duck hormone treatment today? Only £999.99 per gallon.

Warning: Not suitable for ducks. It is a criminal offence to eat a human egg, whether fried, boiled, scrambled or made into an omelette. Product may cause quacking, feathering and loss of beak.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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