Written by The Elephant Hunter
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Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Is Guy Fawkes' ghost plotting, deep in the Houses-of-Facebook?

Facebook members are used to plots and counter-plots; one example is the Fox News article of June 9, 2011, "Alleged Murder Plot Revealed as Facebook Friend Turns Out to Be Indiana Man's Wife"

Angela Voelkert, of Southbend Indiana, wanted a little intelligence on her husband as she prepared for a messy divorce, so she posed online as a teenager to trick him into dishing some dirt.

Voelkert created a fake Facebook profile of teenager "Jessica Studebaker" and her gullible husband David, stepped, flat footed, right into the honey-trap.

Like many plotters before her however, Mrs. Voelkert got more than she bargained for!

Her husband allegedly confessed to his new "friend" that he had secretly placed a GPS tracking device in his wife's van and would use it to locate her with a view to having her "whacked."

"Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!"

But on the scale of failed plots that's all a little tame; the mother of all duff plots was Guy Fawkes' crazy attempt in 1605 to blow up the British House of Lords, hoping to kill King James 1, and every Member of Parliament the hapless plotters could bag in the process.

Fawkes confessed (during days of torture) that up to 20 barrels of gunpowder were brought in at first, followed later by 16 more, just for luck! Unfortunately (for the plotters) a fear of the plague delayed the opening of Parliament and the plot was uncovered.

"Remember, remember, the fifth of November...."

Guy Fawkes was found guilty of treason and hanged, drawn and quartered on 31st January, 1606. The English, being the crazy bunch we are, have been celebrating the messy affair, with bonfires and fireworks, every November since!

Now it seems that 21st Century plotters are taking a leaf out of Guy's book with a view to beating him at his own game!

According to Doug Gross of CNN, August 09, 2011, Members of a shadowy collective "Anonymous" known for its politically motivated Web hacks and attacks, are threatening to bring down the Houses of Facebook.

And, in honour of dear old Guy Fawkes, the dastardly attack is set for November fifth!

By way of proof that the plot is deadly serious, a speaker purporting to represent Anonymous, used a voice modulator to disguise his (or her) voice in a video. In it, the "speaker" invited viewers to "join the cause and kill Facebook for the sake of your own privacy."

In a message guaranteed to chill the bones of any conspiracy theorists who have ever watched their computer burst into life and whirl and hum at 3AM, and wondered who it might be talking to, the "speaker" said: The reasoning behind the planned attack was allegations of Facebook selling its users' personal information to government agencies "so that they can spy on people from all around the world."

"Some of these so-called whitehat infosec firms," according to the mysterious "speaker", "are working for authoritarian governments, such as those of Egypt and Syria." (Los Angeles Times, August 10)

In another chilling line, the "speaker" says: "One day you will look back on this and realise what we have done here is right, you will thank the rulers of the internet; we are not harming you but saving you."

Rulers of the Internet? So maybe it's Bill Gates after all!

Then, in what has to be the understatement of the century, the writer goes on to say: "It's clear the group's philosophy is one that isn't big on governments or police agencies as they currently exist."

From the reports I've read, Facebook have so far declined to comment - maybe they're too busy checking their cellars for barrels of gunpowder!

So readers, you have been warned - by the Rulers of the Internet no less!

Enjoy your Guy Fawkes Night celebrations. But keep an eye on your computer, just in case it suddenly leaps into life and the Rulers of the Internet start speaking to YOU! - in which case, just do what they tell you!

It's a thought, but what do YOU think?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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