Written by Rob Barratt
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Friday, 2 September 2011

image for The Troofa bout the Garra Rufa The Troofa Bout The Garra Rufa

The Garra Rufa fish seem to taking over shopping centres and health spas, as people pay to have their feet nibbled by the small fish as a form of therapy. But the Garra Rufa may have another agenda...

The Troofa bout the Garra Rufa by Rob Barratt

The Garra Rufa have arrived
To eat your body flesh alive...

Garra Rufa, Garra Rufa
Just ideal for you if you've a
Foot or two that need some eatin'
Garra Rufa need some meat in-
Side their little fishy tummies
Toe flesh, heel flesh, yummy, yummy

Garra Rufa, Garra Rufa
Preditory, piscine pedicural trooper
Please don't be a party pooper
The Foot Spa's doing a bargain two-fer-
One if you can bring a friend
They'll forage round your body end

Garra Rufa, Garra Rufa
You've no need to use a loofah
They'll nibble on your new veruca
And gorge on ageing hardened corns
And other growths your body spawns
A cooly callous callus feeder
A bold bloodthirsty little bleeder
A puss-filled manky festering bunion
Is to him like cheese and onion

Garra Rufa, Garra Rufa
Just where do they do a poo? Per-
Haps they do it on your skin
And then eat it all up again

What elsa do Garra Rufa eat
Apart from ankles, toes and feet
In their natural habitat?
Plants or plankton, seaweed, sprat?

(sing to the tune of "Hare Krishna" by John Lennon and the Plastic Ono Band)
Garra Rufa, Garra Rufa,
Super dooper, Garra Rufa

But just watch out you Foot Spa goers
As you are dangling your toe...(ers)
In the softly lapping water
Be beware, beware you oughta
Keep a wary, scary eye
Though they may seem like just small fry
Last Wednesday in the shopping mall
A Garra Rufa and his pal
A mutant, near-extinct piranha
(Just shipped in from Dutch Guyana)
Possessing quite an appetite
Ate my big toe with just one bite

So...be beware the Garra Rufa
Or you may lose a part of you...fer
The greedy gobbling, gluttonous Garra Rufa
Will do fer...you

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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