Written by Inchcock
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Friday, 2 September 2011

image for Politicians much needed '...icians' The Optician, before his imprisonment for life in 2002

What the Politicians cannot do without (apart from their great wealth and privilege) is the following:

The '...icians' that help Politicians

The Acoustician: Who makes sure that comments not meant for the voters ears are not picked up on the House of Commons microphones.

The Arithmetician: Who makes sure that expense claim forms are so complicated that it gives a way put for the MPs to plead ignorance when caught fiddling.

The Cliometrician: Who guides the MPs in ways to present financial figures so that no one understands them.

The Diagnostician: A person who diagnoses, medical and mental conditions. This enables MPs to tell blatant lies and not feel ill or guilty afterwards.

The Dietician: Who advises on the availability of caviare, champagne, and how to get them free on expenses.

The Electrician: Used to fit security devices, CCTV, plasma TVs, Solar heating etc. in MPs houses.

The Logician: Always available, but rarely used nowadays.

The Magician, Nick Clegg: who has proved he can magic away his party in an instant! Always available for MPs to laugh at when the House is sitting.

The Mathematician: In attendance to show MPs how to add up their expenses, reaching a 400% higher total than should be.

The Optician: Used to see things others missed. (Imprisoned in 2002)

The Paediatrician: Available 24/7 to tend to Mps when their party lose a vote, changing their nappies, and dipping their dummies, in Marmite or Honey.

The Patrician: Advises MPs on Off-shore investments etc.

The Phonetician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with.

The Semeiotician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with to foreign Nations.

The Rhetorician: Not used since 1895.

The Statistician: Offers advice on presenting financially misleading statements and daffynition.

The Technician: Explains why it is best for MPs to avoid rescission.

The Theoretician: Lie creator to the Government, also advises against sedition.

The Mortician: The only '...ician' in Parliament that gets Christmas cards, and thanks from the voters.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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