Nottingham Councillor Mr I. Likexpences, was interviewed last night by our ancient political reporter Inchcock Chambers.
He asked the Councillor his opinions on the following topics:
Inchock asked: "Your views on the rioting and attacks on 14 police stations in Nottingham?"
Likepences replied: "Not all bad news you know, we have the highest unemployment rate in the country here in Nottingham, so repairing the damage will help get the wonderful people of Nottingham back into temporary work at least, and it will be at least a month or so so before we close several of the Police Stations."
Inchock asked: "And about Nottingham having the highest gun Crime level outside of London?"
Likepence replied: "True, yes, but there will be less Police Stations available to be attacked in a month or so, and of course our cutting back the Police Service by 300 people will help make less targets as well you see?"
Inchock asked: "Not really... anyway what do you think about the closure of so many shops and businesses in the City, so many abandoned retail outlets?"
Likepence replied: "It's not all gloom you know, I know for certain that at least eight new retailers have opened in the last few months in the City!"
Inchock commented: "Yes, I'm aware of the British Heart Foundation, Nottingham Hospice, Dr Barnado, Foreign Aid, and Help the Aged charity shops taking over failed business outlets recently, is it those you refer to?"
Likepence replied: "Er... well yes.. but they need the help do they not?"
Inchock asked: "Can you explain why the expansion granted permission by the council for the two main shopping malls to be extended by a total of 800 retail shopping units has been given the go ahead please?"
Likepence replied: "The big financial institutions are channelling a lot of finance into the city, and that is much needed, as we found out on the sponsored trip to see the shopping centres in Holland, Paris, and America that the owners were kind enough to take us on, so we could have a holid... fact finding trip on behalf of the unemployed, the workers, and the children of this magnificent City!"
Inchock asked: "What do you think of the growing drug problem in Nottingham?"
Likepence replied: "Drug problem?
Inchock asked: "What can you think of that might cheer up the people of the City for the future?"
Likepence replied: "Well, with the Coalition crippling the poor, and Nottingham having the second highest level of poverty in the country, the Tories will never get in power within the City Council, and that is something to feel good about!"
Inchcock thanked the Councillor, shook his head, passed wind, and went on his way to his weekly hospital visit.