Written by rfreed
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Saturday, 27 August 2011

image for The Tedious Tendency Of Male Toilet Tinkling. Something to think while you are trying to improve your aim.

Looking at it objectively, most inventions in the world were created by men. This is not a put down, it is simply the way it is. With one exception, however. That exception is the toilet.

The toilet has to have been invented by women. It is simply impossible that a man could have invented it. Men to this day still do not know how to use them properly. They do not seem to know how to flush them.

They do not seem to know how to do all their business sitting down and if they do stand up to do it they are utterly unable to lift the toilet seat up before hand.

They also have a real hard problem with their aim.

Am I right, ladies? That is what I thought.

Men, despite coming from a long and proud lineage of hunters, cannot hit the modern ceramic chamber pots when they aim. They also do not seem to possess the knowledge on how to clean them either.

Many will question the fact that women actually invented the toilet. I am sure that in some ancient village in the B.C. times that there was a house hold where the wife got sick of the husband peeing in the corner.

"Honey, did you pee in the corner again?"

"Yes, love, I did."

"Can't you just go outside?"

"Why? Its cold out."

"Yes, but it really stinks."

"But the dog does it too."

"But he doesn't drink beer. And he just does it to mark his territory 'cause he thinks you're trying to take it from him."

"Oh, women! Just because you have to squat and be so fancy about it ya can't let a man have his freedom. It's just jealousy is what it is!"

It was shortly thereafter that the women of this village formed a coalition and worked long nights designing and inventing the toilet. It was either that or inventing castration as a solution which another coalition of women in another village was already working long hours on. It was a race to see who came up with the solution for their project first. The toilet group's foremost priority was given to inventing a urinal, as that was the most needed utility. Men, given their biological ability to aim in many directions were giving cleanliness-minded women nervous breakdowns.

After many models and failed attempts, the female's enterprising natures paid off and they came up with the first working model.

Which men then refused to use.

At which point the women informed them of the advances and experimentation successes that the other coalition was having, at which time the men became enthusiastic users of the first toilets.

Which they missed when they aimed and forgot to flush.

Eventually the idea of using toilets caught on despite widespread condemnation and ridicule from the men of the world, especially the places where men were concentrated- pubs, political arenas, men's clubs, work areas and brothels.

Especially brothels.

Men in general felt that women were trying to cut down their area of aim by narrowing their field of target to a single, white object fastened to the wall or floor. The women said to try thinking of it as a new sport, much like darts. Many men felt this was limiting their masculinity and refused to use them. A lot of these men awoke one morning shortly thereafter to find themselves circumcised in many unique, artistic and painful ways.

In the early days of civilization men would pee about wherever they liked. Those with earthen floored houses suffered the most.

Wife: "Did you just pee on the floor?"

Husband: "Yes. What of it?"

"Could you go outside for that?"

"Its dirt, isn't it? It will dry up!"

"You could go outside and water the vegetables with it."

"I don't want to eat nothin' that I peed on."

"I don't care where you pee outside, just do it outside please."

"The dog does it inside!"

"He don't eat sauerkraut and have sauerkraut smellin' pee!"

"This is my house, I will pee where I want."

"This is the food that I make, I might just do the same. Think about it."

In the end the two coalitions of women reached a compromise and worked together on creating toilets and urinals where if the man using it erred badly in his aim a mechanism would automatically reach out and amputate him. Both groups were happy with the solution and are finding it to be effective.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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