Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Saturday, 13 August 2011

image for Banker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part III

Read this story from the start.

After escaping the Debt Star, the rebels flew to their base on the planet of Yavin, along with Princess Corporate Lawyer who they had also rescued from the Debt Star (I forgot to mention that bit!)

There, they concocted a plan to destroy the Debt Star forever.

General Assurance stood beside a huge graph and all the rebels sat around listening. "The Debt Star is a very safe financial asset. It is insured and has a good credit rating. But it has a flaw. It is designed to be protected from a large takeover, or shock events such as panic buying. But, a small injection of toxic assets with a value of no more than two Galactic dollars might stand a chance of getting through."

Princess Lawyer spoke, "That's impossible, even with a computer trader."

Luke said, "It's not impossible. I used to short-sell womp rats in the stockmarket back home. They're not worth much more than two dollars."

Assurance continued. "We need to fly close to the Debt Star, close enough to be able to connect to their local free Wifi network. Then we should continuously flood it with these toxic assets, until it becomes worthless and can no longer afford to run."

"One question," said Han. "Where do we find an asset toxic enough to destroy the Debt Star?"

"Simple," replied Knowledge. "A Chinese man has just sold us 14 trillion of the most toxic asset in the galaxy - US dollars."

The small rebel fleet prepared their ships and took off. Since this is a written short story, action sequences don't work too well, so to cut it short, Luke and the others managed to inject the Debt Star with US dollars, and immediately it ceased operation.

The Debt Star had to be sold for scrap metal, and all the poor engineers and financial workers who lived on it had their pension plans eradicated, including Darth Tax-evader who never managed to repay his debts and had to declare himself bankrupt.

The Debt Star was no more, and balance was restored to the Market-Force. Following the incidents, regulations were tightened, and no longer would reckless spending and fraudulent transfers be tolerated in the financial industry.

Investment bankers had saved the universe once again - not that they got any recognition for it, as usual. But that didn't matter because all of them got a huge bonus that year.

The End

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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