JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
WORLD MUSIC: A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
OPERA: People singing when they should be talking.
RAP: People talking when they should be singing.
CLASSICAL: Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
FOLK: Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.
BIG BAND: 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.
HEAVY METAL: Codpiece and chaps.
HOUSE MUSIC: OK as long as it's not the house next door.