Written by Joe Leff
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Tags: Naked

Monday, 1 August 2011

The members of the East Yorkshire Naturists' Union (the 'E.Y. Nudists') met at Rotherham on Saturday last, for a nature walk around the woods and commons in the neighbourhood of Roche Abbey, Maltby, and Sandbeck Park.

The day turned out brilliantly fine, and there was a gathering of some 40 or 50 naturists (including many long-standing members) on Maltby Common. The explorations were in the hands of Mr. John Thomas, the able secretary of the Wetwang Naturists' Society, and involved wandering over all the common parts. Various points claimed much attention, and yielded to the microscopically inclined members more material for home study.

The secretary then took the members to Sandbeck Park, to view the fine seat of Lord Bottom with its picturesque mounds and large ravine. After the exploration, some of the sturdier members went southwards to inspect interesting bits at Gaping Gill, which the Rev.Hazel Bearall had kindly opened for inspection.

At Roche Abbey the picturesque slopes were found of interest, especially to enthusiastic members in search of the different varieties of mounds and hillocks. Then at 4 o'clock high tea was served in the open air, and the general meeting was held on the greensward, where a couple of new members were erected, Mr. Ivor Beegunn, of Molescroft, and Mr. Jack Hardknob, of Skirlaugh.

In a vote of thanks, Mrs. Wendy Topless stated that the naturists had done nothing but enjoy themselves. Mr. A. E. Uppingham, the president of the Haltemprice Naturists' Club, reported his joy at seeing a deep and wide valley in front of him. Others reported that most of the denudation probably occurred earlier.

In one pubic area the lowest member of the middle marls was exposed, being so soft that a colony of sand martins were nesting in it. Some other bits hanging about looked like fossils, and others were flopping about in pairs. But at the end of the day, many prominences were still standing in excellent condition, just like the original Cistercians who eschewed all unnecessary ornamentation.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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