The chair of the Nottingham City Council Education Committee, Irma Dunce, has declared her intention of reintroducing 'Spotting' as a hobby and pastime for those children not in borstal.
She explained: "I realise that Train Spotting is out of the question nowadays, due to the dangers of electrification, and collisions with the few trains still running. Twish.. twich..twatc... Bird Watching is also not been considered, because of the danger to the eggs. However, we have done some 'One Hour' experimental 'spotting' of modern day things, with the following results, in an effort to find the optimum one."
Spot the 'Policeman'
Most were espied in the following establishments; McDonalds x11, Pizza House x16, Chinese Take Away x24, Curry House x12, Patrolling the streets x2, Necking in the back of the squad car x3, Knocking the shit out of a suspect x4, in the pub x12, In the bookies x6.
Three children were arrested during the hour, one for a drugs offence, one for bad language, and one for mugging a policeman.
Spot the 'Employed Person'
Cancelled due to lack of success.
Spot the 'Safe Taxi Driver'
Cancelled due to three children being ran-over by the taxi drivers.
Spot the 'Reliable Security Guard'
Cancelled, as we found it impossible to understand mutterings and insults they received when questioning them.
Spot the 'Honest Lawyer'
Spot the Honest MP not fiddling his/her expenses.
Cancelled before it started, when teachers realised the impossibility and ludicrousness of expecting anyone let alone children to find such mythical beasts.
The results were disappointing.
Suggestions will be welcome from the voters.
Send your ideas in to:
Cleansing and Hygiene Department
Nottingham City Council.