Three apples (the 'fruity' kind -- hey, we're not talking computers here) were spotted eating dinner at the Applebee's Restaurant in the Cross County Shopping Center in Yonkers, NY, over the weekend. They were commiserating with each other because they had recently learned that, starting soon, McDonald's Happy Meals in the U.S. will include apples, along with fries, meat (a choice of hamburger, cheeseburger, or Chicken McNuggets), and other items.
The apples were a sight to behold, primly sitting in highchairs around a medium-sized table at Applebee's. Other diners were amazed. One of them, a teenager celebrating her birthday, shrieked, "Cool! Look how those apples have mini faces, arms, and legs. They're so cute."
After a round of apple martinis, the apples got down to serious discussion. They all gave a thumbs down to the latest brainchild of McDonald's. "Not a good idea at all," said the smallest of the apples, a shiny green one. "Rotten to the core," agreed the largest of the apples, a Golden Delicious. "Remember, we're royalty," said the third apple, a Red Delicious, continuing, "since 1989, the apple has been the official state fruit of the state of Washington. Now it's come to this. We'll be routinely shoved into a McDonald's Happy Meal box or bag. Mr. Consumer won't even be able to decide whether he wants us or not."
When their entrees arrived (each of the apples had ordered something different), there was silence for a few moments while they enjoyed their food. Then the Red Delicious said she blames Michelle Obama for their plight: "All that talk about healthy eating, and the next thing you know we're being forced into Happy Meals." The little green apple piped up, "I wonder how Michelle would like to share living quarters with a bunch of fries and something that came from a dead cow or a slaughtered chicken." Both of the other apples shuddered, then nodded in agreement.
A little while later a diner who had had a few too many drinks -- before, during, and after dinner -- sighed as he was leaving the restaurant and walking unsteadily past the apples, all munching on apple pie with whipped cream for dessert. His eyes wide as saucers, he muttered to his friends, "Now I've seen it all. That does it. I really have to stop drinking. Tomorrow I go on the wagon."