Meetings between Senior Executives of News International and Conservative Cabinet Ministers were 'nothing to do with News Corp's bid to take over BSkyB' said Cameron's Communications Director 'I have spoken to David Coulson several times about this matter and he says his plan was for all the meetings was a discussion of the weather.'
When I queried why so many meetings were required to discuss such a boring subject I was threatened with prosecution by the Meterological Office for 'upsetting the morale of the nation by declaring the weather was a boring subject.'
In defence of the weather meetings it was explained to me that the 5 million people who could never have enough discussion of the weather could not be wrong, just as 5 million people read the News of the World.
I then queried why it was after all these discussions no one noticed the gale of catastrophic weather which was to about to erupt in News International itself.
'We were not responsible for Milly Dowler's mobile phone' I was told by a grey faced character who had recently been exploring graves. This ghoul then retched before me and said he was sorry several times.
'I was prepared to give him a second chance, but if I had known what I know now' said David Cameron in my ear 'I would have forseen the future.'
Such is the wisdom of our political leader who is lost without his guidance from Murdoch land.