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Monday, 25 July 2011

image for 'The Personality Quiz' Scorers of 0 to 6: Your political affiliations are obvious

In this issue, we bring you 'The Personality Quiz', from the Nottingham publication company Inchcock Conglomerates Ltd, of Grots End Viaduct.

Work out your score using the table at the bottom of the page, and reveal your true personality.

Select only one from each question.

1) Do you write with;

A: Your Left handed ....

B: Your Right handed ....

C: Either hand ....

D: I cannot write ....

2) Which of the following colours do you prefer:

A: Red ....

B: White ....

C: Blue ....

D: None ....

3) Which of these fruits do you prefer:

A: Apples ....

B: Oranges ....

C: None ....

D: Bananas ....

4) Which of these fruits names do you prefer:

A: Roger ....

B: Timothy ....

C: Frank ....

D: None ....

5) Which type of film do you prefer:

A: Westerns ....

B: Thriller ....

C: None ....

D: Comedy ....

6) Which genre of music do you prefer:

A: None ....

B: Jazz ....

C: Country ....

D: Rock and Roll ....

7) Which of these flowers do you prefer:

A: Daffodils ....

B: None ....

C: Irises ....

D: Roses ....

8) Which of these drinks do you prefer:

A: Coffee ....

B: None ....

C: Tea ....

D: Beer ....

Scoring:

1) A: 2 B: 2 C: 0 D: 3

2) A: 3 B: 0 C: 2 D: 0

3) A: 0 B: 2 C: 0 D: 3

4) A: 3 B: 3 C: 0 D: 1

5) A: 1 B: 0 C: 1 D: 3

6) A: 3 B: 0 C: 3 D: 2

7) A: 1 B: 0 C: 2 D: 3

8) A: 3 B: 3 C: 0 D: 1

Personality of those scoring: 16 to 21

Your ability to creep and crawl to your superiors, bosses, and prostitutes of all persuasions is much appreciated.

And both of your friends care deeply about you, and are glad to have you around to avert the attentions of others away from their lesser faults.

You love playing educational games like Snakes and ladders, conkers, and cops and robbers, as well as playing with your building bricks.

You have a tendency to be desirous of things you cannot afford, or are above your intelligence level, like food!

Personality of those scoring: 12 to 16

It's a shame about your bladder problems. If you could stop your addiction to daytime TV auction shows, it might help you with your lack of concentration when it comes to the opposite sex. It does not impress them when you keep falling asleep while whispering sweet nothings in their ear-hole.

You often steal from your kids piggy bank to help pay off your gambling debts.

Personality of those scoring: 6 to 12

You have an aptitude and the dexterity to play pocket billiards, in fact you are addicted to this, much to the annoyance of those around you. Go on, ask them!

You have had BO for so long now, you are beginning to think it is your natural smell.

When you invite relatives and work colleagues to your party, you usually want to play Pass the Parcel, Pin the Tail on the Donkey, and Musical Chairs.

You can't resist putting whiskey in a Lucozade bottle.

Personality of those scoring: 0 to 6

You think that being an alcoholic helps you to understand your addiction to pornography, this is not so, but it does allow you to enjoy both.

People find your emissions of wind to smell abhorrent, despite your wide grin when you drop a silent one.

Your greed, nepotism and ability to be completely undiplomatic, does not bother you at all.

The bookie probably owes you money!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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