Written by mikewadestr
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Tags: lawsuits

Monday, 18 July 2011

image for Man Threatens "not" to Sue Anyone What we have here, is a failure to communicate!

A San Diego, California man has threatened he will not sue anyone at all for any reason whatsoever.

Forty two year old Jerry Don Looney has been barricaded in his house since yesterday afternoon. Police have the entire building surrounded and have been trying to get Mr. Looney to surrender peaceably.

The incident started harmlessly enough when a neighbor of Looney's, Sally Post, accidentally backed her car out of her driveway and into Mr. Looney's mail box post knocking it askew with the mailbox on top of it. When informed by the neighbor, Mr. Looney inspected the mail box and post, straightened it and then proceeded to go back into his house.

When a nervous Mrs. Post asked if Mr. Looney was going into his house to call his lawyer to sue her, Looney turned and replied:

"Hell no! Ain't nothin' broke anyway. Heck, I'm not going to sue you or anybody else regardless of what happens to me or my property. God made insurance for a reason, mind you."

A shocked Mrs. Post began screaming in horror and running away from Mr. Looney in utter terror. Pandemonium broke out when it was learned what had transpired, ending with the police being called to the scene, forcing Looney to barricade himself into his house and refuse to come out.

Police consider Mr. Looney to be very, very dangerous, especially when they discovered that several of his neighbors who had talked to him at the start of the incident, were told the following from Looney:

"there is no merit in suing people"
"the plaintiff's lawyers are the only winners"
"both the plaintiff and defendant lose in the end"
"I wouldn't even sue one of those online satire magazines if they made fun of me either"

The CIA found his last statement to be the most disturbing of all.

The neighbors agreed with Looney which caused the CIA to get involved. The CIA quickly whisked the corrupted neighbors away to a secret location where they are in the process of being debriefed. The CIA, has, also, put Looney's house under a phone blackout in order to keep him from corrupting any more citizens.

The police have been required to wear earplugs in order to keep them from falling prey to Looney's demented and dangerous rhetoric.

We will keep you posted on this story as it breaks:

In other news a Minnesota man has barricaded himself into his home after he threatened not the threaten anyone.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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