Written by Les Being
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Saturday, 16 July 2011

image for England voted best country in the world Admiral Lord Nelson proudly looking over England

In a recent, totally impartial survey by English people, England was overwhelmingly voted as the best country in the world.

One of the reasons England scored so high was our inventive skills. Amongst many other things, we invented time. Without time nothing else could be invented, so by default we pretty much invented everything.

We invented America, Australia, and Canada, (apart from the shitty bits of Canada which we gave to the French).

After conquering the world we needed something to pass the time of day so we invented sport. In recent years other countries (namely America) have tried to steal our sporting inventions by calling them something else.

Examples are; football, the yanks call it soccer. Rounders, is now called baseball, rugby, they call football, netball they call basketball and hockey is now called ice hockey.

Not only do they change the names of our inventions but also the way they are played. Any game English girls play wearing nothing more than a gymslip the yanks use full body armour, just in case they get injured.

Amongst England's best inventions are, computers, Jesus, war, newspapers, TV, radio, aeroplanes, guns, space rockets, physics, beer, cars, caravans, shake and vac, films (not movies), the internet and of course we invented English.

So there you have it. Without England Johnny foreigner would have nothing. All hail the English, the inventers of everything, except the French who were invented by the Welsh

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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