Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 16 July 2011

image for Martin Shuttlecock's Restaurant Review - McDonalds In Fareham, Hants I'm Loving It...I Think...

What do you do if you're ever stuck (nobody would volunteer, surely) in Fareham, Hampshire, having just signed off the dole after two weeks of not claiming benefit, but with a little time to kill?

Well, you could head for West Street - you couldn't really head for anywhere else really. There's only West Street...

Skoob Magazine sent our befuddled reporter, Martin Shuttlecock, to check out the options.

"It's either Burger King or McDonalds, with a couple of independents thrown in," Shuttlecock revealed. "I opted for McDonald's."

Ideally situated within easy reach of town centre shoppers, the taxi rank, the railway station, Aldi's, Cash Converters, the pound shop, and Weatherspoon's, the local McDonald's emerged as a passing trade leader...

And we're loving it!

Shuttlecock explains:

"The amazing thing about approaching Fareham McDonald's is the incomprehensible number of working age yet unemployable males and females, in their late teens/early twenties, who seem to think that being really loud and obnoxious justifies their benefit claims. It wouldn't be so bad if they weren't all fat cunts who loaf about all day pissing their neighbours off with their "music" - but they really need to remember one thing - one day I, and other taxpayers will be dead, and the pricks might actually have to work for a living.

"Where were we? Oh yeah, McDonald's...

"I haven't set foot in a Mickey Dees for over ten years, so I didn't really know what to expect.

"I ordered a Quarter Pounder with cheese and fries and a coffee. I went upstairs to eat it and read my paper. It was acceptable enough I suppose. The staff were quite attentive, especially when having to deal with doddery OAP's, or gobshite bastards whose benefit loving and patronising lifestyle is actually funded in part by the hard earned taxes of the kids who work in McDonald's.

"So, McDonald's isn't as bad as people think - although they should probably put a lot more salt on their fries, and use proper cheese in their burgers as opposed to that processed orange shite. The coffee was passable, but nothing special.

"The overall highlight was the view from the upstairs window of that museum opposite that nobody ever goes into. On the whole though, I'd rather have gone in the pub."

Next issue - a comprehensive review of Ali Bullo's kebab and burger van.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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