Written by Les Being
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 11 July 2011

image for Met Police launches 101 number for non-urgent calls New police number for London

Police in London are launching a phone number for calls that do not require an urgent response. I tried the system out today to see how it worked. The call went something like this.

101

Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring,…………………………………………….ring ring.

Hello, you are through to the police non emergency help line; please select one of the following options.

If you see someone breaking into a car, say one

If you are breaking into a car and would like to turn yourself in, say two

If someone looked at you in a funny way, say three

If someone left a bin bag outside your house, say four

If you are the victim of a violent crime say five

Five

I'm sorry I didn't quit get that. Could you repeat it please.

Five

I'm sorry I didn't quit get that. Could you repeat it please.

Fucking five

You said, forty five. I'm sorry. There is no option forty five. The options are.

If you see someone breaking into a car, say one

If you are breaking into a car and would like to turn yourself in, say two

For fuck sake

You said, forty eight. I'm sorry. There is no option forty eight. The options are.

If you see someone breaking into a car, say one

At which point I lost the will to live hung up.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

57 readers are online right now!

Go to top