Following the blanket attacks by Spoof! writers on the Murdochs Evil Empire, this reporter can reveal that the Lowton brothers were put under intense pressure by one of the bullies who work for the Muckdocs.
Benjamin Lowton, currently in a Somali jail, actually no he has joined the Somali pirates-sorry, our mistake- was phoned up and someone offered to pay his ransom money. He replied that he was enjoying his time with the Somali pirates and had made a lot of friends and a lot of easy money as well by sending emails to people in which he begged for their hard earned cash. In fact, he had been paid one hundred thousand pounds by a spoof writer going by the name of armfeetandtoe only last Friday. The two girls from SeneGal-although India would be a better bet-sure were pretty weren't they armfeetandtwo?
The bullies were insistent and then gave Benjamin Lowton a dossier of photo clippings. We are not sure what the photos were, but Benjamin Lowton swiftly changed his mind and agreed to get in touch with the Lowtons of Lancaster.
Not wanting to be on the losing side in another War of the Roses, the Lowton brothers pulled one of the stories from the front page of the The Spoof UK edition in which the writer, Alex99, insinuated that the Wizard of Oz was conducting an affair with the Wicked Witch Of The West, otherwise known as RebeKKKa Brooks or Almira Gulch to her friends. The reason given was the story did not conform to editorial policy which is news to the 150 active journalists who seem to be blissfully unaware that The Spoof! actually has an editorial position on anything.
The key part of the allegations was an email from the Muckdoc to the Almira Gulch or Rebeckkka Brooks woman, part of which has been been reproduced below:
I loved my time with you last night.My pillow still has the scent of you perfume. I am Sooooo glad my hair is WHITE or else I may just have thought, I don't know what I am thinking.MY hair, my little 99 flake (one of my favourite ice-cream treats by the way when I visit 'over 'ome).....MY hair is as white as the driven snow.
To which the Wicked Witch replied,
I love older men. Don't be worried about your hair. My hair is flame red and it has not stopped me from being a total b#%$^$^#$& and it has not hindered my career thus far.
So, are they an item? No, that's a loaded question, so we will simply ask,'To what extent are they an item?'
All we know for sure is that somewhere on the yellow brick road, Dorothy, Toto, Tin Man,Straw Man and the Cowardly Lion are travelling at great speed on a Greyhound bus and will arrive at Oz HQ at some point in the near future. Perhaps the Wizard of Oz is hoping for a different ending but from our perspective it sure is going according to the 1939 script-or is Fox Studios bringing out a remake?