Written by Lola Heatherton
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Friday, 8 July 2011

image for Bunny Mellon a Life Understated Ms Mellon's gardens at her mansion in Virginia are world famous

At 100 Bunny Mellon who has always lived a life of wealth and prestige under the radar probably would have never imagined that she would be involved in two scandals making national headlines in 2011

The first involves Ken Starr, financial advisor to the stars, who has embezzled millions of dollars meant for investment. At this time Ms Mellon isn't sure how much of her money is gone. The second involves being identified as Donor #9 who gave cash gifts to presidential hopeful John Edwards that were allegedly used to hide his mistress. Edwards has been indicted, Mellon has not.

What's a girl to do? Well first there's the requisite playboy photo shoot. Ms Mellon is considering her options. At 100 she does Pilates every day and is quite fit and toned. She learned Pilates from the original Joseph Pilates many decades ago. She promises if she does the shoot it will be very sexy but tasteful. Mr.. Heffner has even promised her the cover. This issue should drop sometime in October.

She's also taking the Donna Rice route (remember her the Monkey Business girl that derailed Gary Hart's presidential ambitions) and working with No Excuses Jeans. The Bunny Mellon line will be called the Donor #9 line and have an elastic waist bands and Velcro snaps and zippers. She says they will be fashionable and like her life understated - though don't expect to see Ms. Mellon wearing a pair (This fits with No Excuses Jean's new strategy to go after each new scandal "it" girl and give them a line of Jeans that is unique to them. They are reportedly in talks with the Strauss-Kahn accuser for the chambermaid line that will have many pockets and an "African flair").

A remarkable life for a lady who decorated the White House rose garden and socialized with first ladies and tycoons. The next 100 years may not be as understated as the first 100.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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