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Monday, 15 January 2007

image for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Panties I see London, I see France, I see traveling underpants

The following is a rare preview of the first chapter of a new book by the best selling selling author of "All Cats Go to Hell" and "You'll Never Eat Paris in New York Again."


<div align=center>The Sisterhood of the Traveling Panties</div>
<div align=center>Chapter One</div>

Once upon a time, there was a cute little pair of red thong panties. These were not just any ordinary pair of ladies unmentionables; they were special. Any woman that wore them could have her deepest, innermost fantasies come true.

These panties were also magical in that they were "one size fits all." From the teensiest anorexic waif to the biggest blubber butt, all of them could wear the panties (and have their cheeks properly displayed with pride).

Remember: special underwear like this is not available at your local Wal-mart or large department store. It also cannot be purchased in shrink wrapped packages of three or with days of the week embroidery. These rare knickers are also not sold in anything but the hottest colors (no lime green or canary yellow here). They are only available in fire engine, hot and steamy, burn the house down, color of Satan's pitchfork red.

One day, a sweet, innocent young lady named Britney walked into Victoria's Secret to purchase some new underwear. Cute little Miss Spears had been a mousketeer on the Mickey Mouse Club. She knew how to sing "M I C, K E Y, M O U S E" and what day was rodeo day and had seen the person inside of the Donald Duck costume. Britney was, like all special girls with high morals and self-control, a virgin.

The young lady wanted some new underthings that would make her feel all grown up, like her hero Mother Theresa. Nothing caught her eye, as everything that she saw looked really sleazy and improper for an innocent teenager like herself.

As she looked through a bargain table labled "presents for your grandmother," she spied a something that did not seem to belong. It looked a little bit like a slingshot, but with no stick frame. It was red and lacy and looked really cute. The skanky saleslady informed the teenager that this was called a thong, and everyone was wearing them nowadays.

Britney was not one to go along with the crowd, but there seemed to be something magical about this thing called a thong. She knew that she had to try it out and see for herself if she liked this new style of underwear that did not even have that extra cotton crotch for leaks and showed no panty lines.

Making sure that no one was watching, she took them to the front of the store and paid for them. Then, to make sure no one knew she had gone to a whorish store like Victoria's Secret, she tucked the bag with the panties into her Barnes and Noble bag. If anyone had asked what she bought in the mall, she would show them her copy of Pure and Chaste in the 21st Century.

When she got home, she hid them in her sweater drawer, knowing that it was summertime and no one would ever think to look in there now. Britney felt a little excited, but a little guilty at the same time. She hoped that she had done nothing that would embarrass her or make her have to repent.

Britney took them to the Disney lot the next day, where she showed them, in the privacy of her dressing room, to some of her friends, other girls working in Disney productions. These girls were named Hilary ("Lizzie Maguire") Duff, Christina ("Mickey Mouse Club") Aguilera, and Lindsey (remake of "The Parent Trap") Lohan.

After checking to make sure that there were no boys anywhere close, Britney told them that she had a special surprise. She carefully took the new underwear from the shoe box where she had placed them, wrapped in tissue paper, to show her friends (she had lied and told her mom that the box held the new athletic shoes she was supposed to wear on "work-out day").

They all thought that the panties were cute and adorable, and a little naughty. Each of them, however, wanted to take a turn at wearing the new underwear. It was decided that, since Britney was the one to buy them, she would have the first month. She could keep them until she started "her time," when that kind of panty was really not appropriate.

Since Christina was next oldest and had worked with Britney longest, she could go next. Lindsey and Hilary flipped a coin, and Hilary had to go last.

Thus was born the Sisterhood of the Traveling Panties.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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