Written by Inchcock
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Saturday, 9 July 2011

image for Forecast for single men over Sixty, made redundant? You might try for a job in a call centre - mind you, you've no chance if you can speak English!

D. Isolutioned, our resident pathetically inept Spoof ode writer, has scribbled down his forecast and advice for anyone in the UK who has been made redundant over the last three year, and the next 2 million people who will become redundant in the next three years, to read, consider, and comment on. Here it is:

You will expect your experience to hold you in good stead,
You'll soon learn no-one is really in the least bit interested,
Shortly you see your job-hunting failures are unmolested,
By success, hopes, aspirations, they all end up dead,
Frustrations, depressions, and lethargy become widespread,
With appraisals, questionnaire's, assessments you'll become infested!

You'll try from this dilemma to escape and ascend,
More questions, appraisals, grilling's, will it never end?
You get some training, for CV and your skills to extend,
A college IT course, perfect, this must pay some dividend,
The Job-centre, forms not completed, you must not reoffend!
Try volunteer work, the councillor did recommend,
So you applied, no response, frustration deepened!

Job site on the internet you do compile,
Searching them daily, takes a hell of a while,
Visit the Job-centre Plus to search, usually it turns out puerile,
Cold visits to companies, in search of jobs has been unfertile,
You even put company phone numbers in your auto-dial,
Then you start your regime of self-denial!

Start to watch the cost of the food that you chew,
Cheap label, short life reduced food for is now for you,
Foolishly something tells you, you will still pull-through,
You are forced to sell the car, and join the bus stop queue,
To save money, there is little you can really do,
Thinking of your next weekly upcoming judicial review!

Now you see only frustration, struggle and loneliness ahead,
You'd like to see hope, opportunity, and happiness instead,
Your mind is unavoidably now becoming very congested,
With frustrations, hatred, vile things you have previously detested,
Perhaps it would be easier, if you were dead and rested?

'This has been created not to depress you, but to allow you an unpermitted laugh. any responses we promise will not be forwarded to David Cameron'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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