Written by Alex99
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Tags: Fan mail

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

image for Some Kind of Reply to Nancy Paulson Where My Fan Mail Usually Goes

Well, I am a bit tardy in replying to my fan mail. As promised to my readers this is my reply to Nancy Paulsons ,'Me Love You Thong Time' email. You will note that I have included a Russian email address in the hope that the Nigerian scamsters will rip off the Russian mob and start an international turf war. You never know and can always live in hope. I will of course publish Nancy's reply because I am a public figure now and deserve no privacy whatsoever.I have also included my first letter to Reverend Odontu.

Dear Nancy

Many thanks for your lovely letter to me. I am now in prison and so it is fantastic that people care about me so much. I am in prison because I stole a lot of money and like you I want to give it to somebody to look after. Imagine my joy when I met you! You are so beautiful and sweet-are those photos really you? I really hope so, I really do.

Can you tell me more about life-you hobbies and likes and stuff like that?

This is some information about myself.

I am someone's perfect git.
I hoard sex books.
I read news all the time.
I subscribe to several magazines and newspapers, not because I have time to
read all of them, but because I like to think I do.
I'm a self-described coffee and cupcake addict.
I'm an alcoholic, but I do love good beer, good wine and a good time.
I go to plays and musicals because I hate them.
I dance because it's fun.
I sing because that's just what I do.
I kind of hate modern art (something my friends like to poke at when they
bring me to various museums).
I underwear analyze Lost. I sing along to Glee. I wish I worked at the Buy More.
I'm a nerd, in the "Star Wars is awesome, Star Trek is too, and I think I'd
like Battlestar Galactica if I ever got around to watching it" way.
I'm probably the biggest jerk you'll ever meet.
I find kids and babies adorable. I don't want my own any time soon, but I do want them.
I like pretty things. Shoes. Photographs. Pieces of furniture.Hookers.
I don't like cats because I'm allergic, but I can't wait for the day that I can get Krocodil
I'm living the dream when it comes to my career, but even I know thatthere's something more I need to strive for. just have to figure out what that is
I'm not hot. Pretty, sure. Cute, yes. Hot, not so much. And I'm OK with that.

My other email address is http://ZONIA.localdating.ru

I really hope that we can meet up in future.

I think I am falling in love with you!

Alex99

....................................
Dear Reverend Odontu,

Your good friend Nancy Paulson told me to write to you and so I am writing to you at this second of the day.

I don't know why Nancy told me to write to you. Do you know why. I am very pity Nancy because she is a refugee in your prison camp in Senegal. She says that she is crying all the day and all the night and I so pity so her much and I want to die with her because we are so unhappiness.

Can you tell me more about yourself? Are you a reverend like the people I see at the televison garden everyday of the life and being?

Where did you go to school?
Where do you live?
Where is SeneGal?
Do you have a website?
Do you have a photo of yourself?

I being everest all the time and want to be with Nancy presently all the day of the life and nothingness.

Thanks for reading this,

Alex99

Nancy did reply. See Give Us Your Moneys Darlinglys

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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