Written by Adam Click
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Monday, 4 July 2011

image for Florida is Being Covered With Asphalt Howard Grump, one of many senior citizens who will be benefitting from the great paved over state of Florida.

In the newspaper today, I read: There are 60,000 square miles of paved roads in the United States. That's the equivalent of Florida being covered with asphalt.

Imagine that, an entire state covered with asphalt! And is it coincidence that the state of choice is Florida? I think not.

Most of the citizenry is over sixty five, anyway. Right? And that gives them the right to drive where ever they damn well want! Right? So why not make it easy on them and pave the entire state? That way no matter which way they drive, it will be the right way.

No pavement markers, no stop signs and no one way streets because every way is the right way when you're old and can't see over the steering wheel, isn't it?!

So I say "Hats off!" to the United States Department of Transportation for getting it right this time. First Florida, next time let's do Arizona!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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