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Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for Dorking 'Taking Things Apart' Club AGM a Success The Fearless Mr Bracewell

A turnout of more than 30 members was reported at the Dorking 'Taking Things Apart' Club AGM, held in the function room of the White Lion last Thursday.

Following the traditional raising of glasses to late founding member Paddy O'Ginster, Club President, Reg Dishcloth, opened the proceedings by expressing delight at seeing so many old faces together with many members of the recently formed 'Junior Division'.

Those present were informed that during the previous 12 months the club had managed to take more things apart than ever before, and that despite the unpleasantness of the April open-day, during which the municipal public lavatories were destroyed, the committee saw a vibrant future for the society.

Club Secretary, Tom Bikeclip reported that the problems encountered during last month's popular 'spot the missing component' competition had now been rectified, and future competitions should pass without mishap. He also stated that the club had sent flowers to Mr Crumble's widow, along with the remains of her dismantled moped.

After a short break at the bar, Mr Pottage announced that he had a friend who was a member of the Guildford 'Putting Things Back Together' Association, and that they had expressed an interest in forming a loose alliance with the DTTAC. There followed a lively debate, during which the Chairman pointed out that as well as taking part in this year's national Dismantle-A-Thon, the club was also committed to an exchange visit with the Bexhill 'Putting Things Somewhere Safe' Society, and that perhaps there would not be the time available to forge further links. In the end the motion to link-up was voted against by a four to one majority.

A letter was read out, that had been received from Mrs Greenburg, who had written to ask if the band at the annual dinner dance could be replaced by a disco, as there had been some distress from the ladies following the widespread taking to bits of women's brassieres during the waltzes at the latter part of the evening. Mr Bracewell volunteered to do some research on the subject while at home with his wife Barbara, once the pubs had closed, and then to report his findings at the next meeting.

Following a further short break for drinks the meeting resumed with a demonstration by Ron Tundish - which was very well received, of the ideal method of pulling apart a broken hairdryer using only tools found in the cutlery drawer.

Mr Tundish also announced that he had produced a short pamphlet to accompany the demonstration which would be available from the local Post Office by the weekend.

After a break for refreshments, a junior member expressed his opinion that the DTTAC was merely an excuse for a group of maladroit handymen to get together for a regular piss-up rather than an association dedicated to the science of taking things apart.

He was severely admonished by the Chairman, and felled by a left hook from the Treasurer.

Mr Gumption then gave a long rambling lecture on the time when he had taken his gas cooker apart in 1998 in order to locate a problem with one of the rings that was failing to spark. He promised to provide photographs of the gas cooker which is now in pieces in a cardboard box in his garage, at the next meeting.

Following the loyal toast, the Chairman wound up the AGM, and the members retired to the bar.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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