Under my china plate at a meeting to greet Prime Minister Wen Jiabo I found several £50 notes with a message: 'Accept this gift and rejoice in china as the service which supplies your needs'.
I realised this was a discreet way of saying 'Avert your eyes from the shortcomings of china - the fact that we break people and smash their brains in - remember we are at the Top Table now!'
My instinct, as an intrepid reporter who will sacrifice everything to find the truth, was to spill the beans on my china plate and tell the world about the other side of Yin and Yang, namely Bin and Bang.
I mentioned this to my neighbour, a well known banker. At which he replied: 'If you bang on about Bin and Bang the economic structure of our society will be undermined'.
It was then that I recalled a mean square tin plate that had once tried to replace the renowned china plate. It had been a disaster. Followers of mean square tin plates were now almost forgotten, although I noticed the underside of my china plate had a bloody red smear on it.