Written by Matt Brown

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Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Mr. Florence Nightingale - Reporting from any old tatty street in any old tatty town

A very tall lady who is believed to have originated from Tommy Cooper's old Fez hat has caused great unrest today.

Miss Understanding, 46, was describing to a flock of pigeons how she turned London Mayor Boris Johnson into Barney Rubble (of Flintstones fame), when the tremor struck her. The effects of the event caused the felling of a much loved hat stand and led to one man eating an ice-cream to proclaim he had seen the Lord Jesus Christ.

Mayor Ninniburgh's cream pie festival also had to be postponed indefinitely, which left many people in attendance relieved at the fact that their lives would be spared for one more year at least.

The woman was described as being well dressed, and she was! She quickly fled and any attempts to trap her soon faded, leading to people having obvious looks on their faces.

Some felt sorry for this poor unfortunate whilst others 'couldn't care less'. It was, however, very poignantly pointed out by a man running the mobile disco that we shouldn't mock the afflicted. The man, who clearly had a stick on moustache, earlier said 'don't mock the afflicted'.

I asked one person at the scene who had seen the scene and many other scenes like it and they said 'you might well ask', which cleared up the matter no end.

Her Grandma, who was about as cockney as humanly possible, was soon on the scene and offered this helpful hint, 'gawd all mighty, she was one of em' bad uns our Hilda, I'll tell you that for true'. Granny was soon enough given the taser and forced to retire from her job translating brail to blind Ostriches.

An inquiry is to be launched into this strange occurrence and scientists will publish results of something or other when they have the time, probably tea time or just as you're about to take a bath.

UPDATE - The scientists have now described the scene as 'never actually happening at all'. Any attempts to contact the geeks were met by gunfire and threats to alter the fabric of the space-time continuum. At this point we stopped calling them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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