Written by Gordon Clarke
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Tags: Diet, Health

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The world's fattest man, native American, He Who Must Be Fed, has revealed he wants to lose weight.

"I'm sick of being called a fat bastard," said Mr Fed 45 stone, a member of the fat belly tribe in Wyoming, USA.

When I travelled to his reservation to speak with him, he told me, "I have struggled with my weight since childhood. It's all the fault of the white man. If he hadn't killed all of the buffalo I would not have had to eat unhealthy cowboy meals."

"I have tried countless diets.The last one was the see food diet. I see food and I eat it. I spoke with the medicine man, Two Dogs F***ing, about my problem and I think he has found the solution. The Stir Fry Diet."

In the stir fry diet a typical menu would be :-

Breakfast - Stir fried bacon and eggs.

Lunch - Stir fried sausage and chips.

Evening Meal - Stir fried fish fingers and waffles.

"The beauty of the stir fry diet is that nothing is taboo as long as it is stir fried. For example stir fried pizza, stir fried kebab, stir fried pork pie."

I asked Mr Fed when he intended to start this new diet.

"I've been on it six months? Can't you tell? Losing weight has never been so much fun."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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