Written by Josh Gillam
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Wednesday, 1 June 2011

OFFICE SURVIVAL TIPS

1: No matter how much the printer might frustrate you, do not yell at it. It can't hear you.

2: Just because you don't like doing it, doesn't mean it's not part of your job.

3: If you're not sure what someone is saying when they're talking, it's probably best not to try to correct them on anything they just said.

4: If you're tired and a coworker says, "Here, take this. It'll wake you up." Just say no…

5: If you can't put it into a PowerPoint presentation, then no one will care about it.

6: When someone hits "Reply to All" on an email, and then another person does it, and another, and so on…don't hit "Reply to All" to tell them to stop. You have then become everything you hate.

7: Don't talk to your coworkers about how you think the phone cord on your desk would be a real effective device to strangle someone with.

8: After using the paper cutter, always be sure to put the blade down. Someone could trip and cut their arm off.

9: When signing a birthday card for a coworker's birthday, be sure not to give the card to that coworker to sign.

10: You know that feeling you get when you think someone is watching you? Well someone is watching you…it's your boss.

11: Office pranks are only funny until someone gets hurt. Then they're hilarious.

12: Do not bring a week's worth of food to store in the communal fridge.

13: Every office has that guy that everyone makes fun of behind his back. Don't be that guy.

14: If you ever start a sentence with "Actually", then people will label you as a "know it all".

15: The stapler is meant to staple pieces of paper together, not to shoot staples at your enemies.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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